lost her only younger brother last week due to a short illness. and since then all she does is sit in silence all day...not a word to anyone. i know shes suffering, I'm trying to do my best for her, i feel helpless myself at times. she only has me and my older sister, we are her only family left. the funeral will take place in the next few days. so i need to know how can we help her the best possible way? No doctors please. well not for now anyway. any help appriciated thanks.
2006-07-02 23:14:07 · 22 answers · asked by Heavens-@ngel 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I lost my daughter and know what your Mum is going through..we all grieve in different ways and this will be her way of both thinking about things and grieving...just allow her to be herself...she will adjust in time....give her space whilst still showing her you care...maybe with a nice cup of tea in the morning, a meal at the end of the day...just let her know you love her and are there for her...maybe in time she may feel she wants to talk to a bereavement counsellor...someone detached from the situation....don't worry hun, most people are fine again after a period of grieving
2006-07-02 23:48:07 · answer #1 · answered by amelia_madeline 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I'm very sorry about your uncle. There's no easy way to help, especially a child (even though an adult child) to help a grieving parent. My family was in a car accident when I was 15, and my father and brother were killed. I tried so desperately to be 'strong' and supporting for my mother, but she struggled with the idea of leaning on her child.
Don't tell her she has to feel any particular way, cause she will feel what she feels. When she wants to talk, listen...really listen. Don't be afraid to sit in silence either, if she needs to just be still. Don't offer cliches about better places or her being brave...those things are said by people who don't have any idea of what to say, and really can suck to hear.
Love her, don't get angry, don't worry about the right thing to say, just be there.
And if she doesn't show any improvement after the funeral (and I mean days/weeks, not hours) then consider the need for professional help. She'll never 'get over it'...but she will learn to live with it, and to come back to join the world again.
Good luck.
2006-07-03 06:25:19 · answer #2 · answered by Arlene06 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not surprised that she is behaving in this way. It is completely natural behaviour. She is in mourning. It has only been a week since her brother died. She is in shock.
After the funeral she will probably start to talk again. Funerals are for the people left behind, to allow them to find some closure on their loss. Your mother is waiting for this closure.
Don't fuss around her, let her know that you will be there if she does need you but let her come to you. If this goes on after the funeral for more than a month, then this is abnormal and your mother needs to seek professional help.
2006-07-03 06:36:11 · answer #3 · answered by Fluorescent 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your mum is finding it hard to talk about the loss of her brother. The only thing you can to do is keep talking to your mum as the best way of dealing with losing someone close to you is to talk. Try and get her to remember all the good things about her brother. Happy times help you grieve. Also give your mum time its always a terrible time between the death and funeral. You might find after the funeral she will start talking as the shock subsides and reality sinks in. My heart goes out to you and your family x
2006-07-03 06:24:56 · answer #4 · answered by mynx8881 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I felt like that when I lost my brother - she is in shock. Although you don't want to see doctors, you could go to your local health store and ask for some flower remedies eg Bach Rescue Remedy. These work on an emotional level. Also, if she is not sleeping, she could take a herbal calmer like Valerian. See if she will drink chamomile tea....that is soothing. (If you or she believe in the afterlife, you could take her to a medium who might be able to channel a comforting message for her from her dead brother....sorry if this idea is not appropriate for you).
It will take time for her to start enjoying life again after such a loss, but let her know you love her and when she is over the worst, she will be so grateful for your support. You may need help,too, so get in touch with a bereavement counselling service for advice. We have "Cruse" in the UK http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/
but don't know where you are from but there should be something similar. Take care of yourself and your mum and good luck!
2006-07-03 06:30:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, leave your mum to grieve for her brother - it takes ages to get over losing someone. Just tell her you are there for her when she is ready, tell her you know she is in pain and you know the pain will never go away but it does ease up a bit as the years pass. Your mum will go through a different process.
First - Shock
Second, grief
Third - not believing it
fourth - anger ( she will be angry at him for dying)
fifth - guilt (maybe there was something, just something she could have done)
sixth - resentment ( how dare people carry on doing their normal things when my brother has died?)
Your mum will see a world that is still enjoying itself when she is so so down and so so upset. She will hear people laughing and will resent them for not feeling as she does, after all, she has lost her brother and they should be sad too).
I'm getting emotional and need to stop now.
Take care and I am sorry about your uncle. God Bless to you all
2006-07-03 06:30:00 · answer #6 · answered by Curious39 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should stand back and wait until she comes to you and that day will come. if you try and help you will probably just get in the way and make matters worse on the funeral date just hold her had and show her she is still loved and there is still people around her that care and that will always be there to help her in anyway possible.
2006-07-03 09:06:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try taking her out for a meal and get her friends to come to try take her mind off things. Buy her chocolates it never goes wrong! I remember when my Nana lost her brother she wouldn't eat so we took her out for the day and when we took her mind of it she had something to eat. So having a good social life at these times can really help. Its hard on you as well as you have just lost your uncle so you should be grieving as well. I'm sorry for your loss :'(
2006-07-03 06:24:42 · answer #8 · answered by izi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should allow her some time, she is griefing and each person does this different but if you mom is not caring for herself by eating, drinking and hygiene then you need to be ready to seek help as she may need to talk and a bereavement counsellor is the best person she c an speak to. do you have any other family members that she can go to for support? you need it too!
i wish you all the luck for yourself and your mom. time isnt a great healer but it sure helps and as it is a recent happening be prepared for a rocky road.
2006-07-03 08:57:54 · answer #9 · answered by Bubblygirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing you can do sweet heart is to be there for her, tell her you are there if she needs to talk, tell her not to keep it bottled in and to talk because thats the best way. but dont pressure her into talking giver her time to come round.
Just be there and tell her you love her, she needs you so much, even if it is hard for her to show it at this time.
you may also feel abit left out, but she is grieving so dont blame her, i hope this helps
2006-07-03 06:52:59 · answer #10 · answered by supernova 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋