What can I do?

Question

my father drinks tequila and beer everynight til he passes out and he is starting to forget things and he won't go to the doctors and get a check up and he is in denail about the problem he was once in trouble and got drunk in public and that set him straight for like 4 wks ...how can i help him?

ok for the ppl that want me to hide it you obviously know nothing about alckies....they get all pissed off at you n they will get more ty tho

i ahve tried the "i love you talks" then i tell him he has a problem we start fighting so thanks for the opnions on that...

Answer 1

Ok, here's where you need to understand. Youre looking at it, in how to help him, right?

Men, are made as problem solvers, even if many are not good at it, but please read what I am saying - men and women are different, so you have to communicate with me, even your father in a different way.

If you go and tell him how he needs help, guess what the message he is hearing? He is hearing, because he's a man, "I am no good then? I am a man, a problem solver, I fix things, and you're telling me how to deal with my challenge?"

And it is even worse when he's your father. So, stop telling him to go and get a check up. Time to change tactics!

So what can you do? Can I give you a suggestion which I did for a friend of mine? I didn't say jack. I went and got a book on it. I got a book on what drinks does. I got another on Being Responsible, Accountable to family.

I slam dunked this somewhere, where I know he goes and left it there. The book wasn't read for a week and 2 weeks later....he picks up the book.

Now guess what? The damn book told him everything I already told him but when he came to me and said, "did you know..." He came to me as a dude solving problem. He was figuring it out, not anyone else. He then went to the doctor on his own accord. He went even further to get counselling.

Now, that's what needs doing. And good, don't say "the love talk." Why? Men aren't designed that way. Women are designed to see with Emotions and Feelings. Men are not.

The more you understand how men and women work, the differences, the more you know how to get these two ticking.

Read the book Men are from Mars and Women from Venus. You'll love the book but I promise you......it will open your eyes why men do what they do and why women do what they do, and you'll say, "Oh My God! It's so true!" lol.

So now, change your tactics. Don;'t advise him. He'll take it like men do and he'll see it as though your undermining him as a man.

Hope that helps and all best. Man, I hope he realises he got an awesome daughter. You got guts and a lot of love for your father. This will pull you and him through. have faith! Forget what anyone says. Stuff them. People judge and they got their lives messed up.

So you go and help your dad and do it this way and get that book. It will help you greatley!

Answer 2

Unfortunately there is nothing you can do… Only he can alcoholism is horrible disease and a life long commitment. He may not drink for a period of time with I love you talks but most likely he will hide it. Good luck.. maybe call a intervention?

Oh it is not the tequilas fault… it is any alcohol I have seen them get drunk on cough syrup.

Answer 3

Your father needs to hit rock bottom before he'll make a real change. You mentioned how getting into trouble in public got him to change for a bit.

Also don't be an enabler. Don't go to the store and buy booze if he is drunk or make continuing his lifestyle in anyway easier for him.

Once he admits he has a problem get him to AA and you should go to Alanon.

Good luck.

Answer 4

hmmm....I was a ten year alckie. How did I quit? Simple, I just did. Your dad will learn to quit, but at the rate he's going, he'll quit the hard way. Just be there for him. If he still chooses to be an alckie then...it's his choice. The important thing here is that you didn't give up on him even he gave up on himself. I wish your dad will realize it before it's too late. For you, my wish is...be strong.

Answer 5

Well I don't know if this would work, but I would try taking one of his empty bottles and filling it with something that looks like alcohol. Then maybe try acting like him to show him that, that kind of role model is not something to be proud of, and that you are very worried for his health. Let him know just how bad things can get if he continues drinking, maybe study up on the cause and effects of alcohol and go over that with him. Hopefully some of this will help you!

Answer 6

I agree with gbear. Anyone who is an alcoholic will not quit unless they are ready to quit. Sometimes it takes a life altering incident to make them wake up and see the light. Whatever you do, don't get confrontational with him as that will only make him want to drink more. If you have the option, you can move out of his house. Just tell him that your tired of watching him kill himself and you would prefer not to be there when he does. That could be the "life altering event" that might make him think about what he is doing. Good luck!!

Answer 7

Maybe your father needs to go to AA meetings cuz when you drink to much alcohol then it has the side effects of blurry eye sight, shutting down the kidneys and liver. Alcohol is a poison to the liver and kidneys. If he doesn't want help then you can not force him. But try to tell him that you care for him and that you are afraid for his health and tell him if he loves you then he will get help.

Answer 8

You should plan a family get together/intervention. Invite those that he does not mind being around. Of course, do not serve any alcohol beverages at all. If that does not work, maybe you should talk to your doctor to get details on diseases caused by drinking with graphics. Good luck!!!

Answer 9

Hi Lauren Ann...you can't help your Dad until you first help yourself to understand and live with the problem. Al-Anon is a group for those who love alcoholics (like your Dad is). Ask for help from school counsellors, or there should be agencies in your district you can call if you're not in school.

Answer 10

Oh, that's a tough one...he really needs help, that's for sure. If only there was some way he could at least slow down, at first anyway. Maybe cut it back to one night a week... I'd keep trying to talk to him and have as many other people talk to him as well. Good luck.