I have a gay brother how do i talk to him?

Question

I live with my gay older brother cause my parents got put in prision. He told me last night that he wants us to talk more openly & honestly. And i feel very unconfortable talking to him. We never were vary close. He is 19 and very machure he never drinks. And i am 13 and well i dont like talking to him. How do i get to feel more confortalbe with my gay brother and not so wierd? HELP PLEASE

Answer 1

You are in a very challenging situation and you don't seem to have much control over a lot of things in your life and now you have this difficult situation, too. It's a lot to handle.

As far as your brother, I'd suggest that you remember that you have quite a lot in common, even though it may seem that you have more differences than you have similarities. His parents are in prison, too, for one thing, so he's had a difficult time of it. He seems to have really stepped up to help you, too and I can tell you that many 19 year olds wouldn't be able to do that. Heck, some of them wouldn't even think they had any responsibility for their younger brother at all and you'd be in foster care. So, let's start out reviewing the positive things about your situation. And we did. Done.

Now as for talking with your brother, it may take some practice and you and he should be patient with yourselves and with each other. Do you know why you feel so uneasy about talking with him? It may surprise you that most 13 year olds aren't eager to have conversations with their family members. Thirteen year olds aren't kids anymore--they don't want to be immature, they want to get things "right", but they don't exactly have "right" figured out yet.

So the answer again is to be patient with yourselves and to set some realistic goals. Realistic means short talks, not long heart-to-heart talks, at least to start with. You may want to schedule some short period of time once or twice a week when the two of you make it a point to connect. He'll know what's going on with you, you'll know what's going on with him. Go to a movie together or do something else that cements the positive parts of your relationship instead of focusing on your troubles. You guys will be brothers long after your parents are gone. That's the truth of it, you know. We know our siblings longer than we know anyone else in our lives.

Good luck to you and your brother.

P.S. I wrote this whole thing without once referring to your brother's being gay. That's because it isn't the focus of the issue. The focus of the issue is that you and your brother become a team.

Answer 2

well first if your parents are in prison then he is the only real family you got then. So if you need help go to him for it. He seems responsible cuz he don't drink. So just cuz he is gay so what. he is gay. i know it may feel weird that he is different. But i think you should feel a lil more comfortable with him cuz not like he is looking at you in any gay way. your family. And just talk to him about this issue. just tell him how you feel, like how ur uncomfortable and why. Also the fact you guys weren't too close ever before. but that shouldn't stop you. a good bond can start any time it is never too late. Maybe if you talk to him you'll find he is a great brother. and the fact about his sexual preferance shouldn't bother you after you get to know him. i don't think he would tell you to be like him. Just try and talk to him a little. See what happens maybe he can help you with any school problems. I know being a teen only gets harder so you'll want someone there to always talk to. My mom helps me with that. cuz im only a teen also like 2 yrs ur senior. so i know what im talking about. But brother being gay i haven't experienced. but i hope i could helps some.

Answer 3

Well he's your brother first and gay second. And he'll always be your brother. Gay people are just like you and me, IE normal. Just talk to him the exact same way you did BEFORE you knew he was gay. His being gay has no bearing on how he perceives or treats you.

If you are still uncomfortable, then spend time with him doing and talking about things you both like. For example a sport or TV show that you both like. Eventually the weirdness with fade and you will see him for exactly what he is, your older brother who obviously cares a great deal to get custody of you while he's still very young.

Answer 4

Alas I know how you feel. I do not condone that type of lifestyle in the least. But the relatives I have that are gay, I accept them because they are family. And family is the most important thing in this world. However I would defeninatly stray from anything having to do with his "sexual orientation." Talk about things that don't relate to that kind of thing...Get some kind of a game system, have fun as brothers would, board games, tv, movies. You're only going to get used to him if you spend more time with him. If you need anymore help, give me a holler.

Answer 5

The more you two talk the better it will get. I have an older brother that I couldn't stand when I was younger, drugs and violence was in the picture. Now over time I have learned to forgive him and get on with it. Just talk about regular stuff, what's happening in your life etc and slowly you'll see things improve. Like most things in life, relationships take effort from both sides. Don't think too much about his sexual preference, he's just a guy, but more importantly, he's your brother and you'll both need to stick together while your parents aren't around.

Answer 6

Your brother is a human being. You have to understand people don't just wake up 1 day and want to be gay.
It's a inborn instinct.

Just like you have likes and dislikes.
And you shouldn't judge people.

Stop putting so much thought into his preference as long as he doesn't do anything offensive, to make you feel blatantly uncomfortable without consideration of your feelings when he has guest over & nothing is forced on you.

It's unusual that a 13 year old would be left without a assigned parental guardian due to your circumstances.

Answer 7

I have a few gay friends just talk to them like a regular person and don't worry the jokes that they have about other males are hillarious. In fact I think having gay friends is easier to talk to than girlfriends. I can share deep thoughts and emotions without them making fun of me just because I tell them the way I think it is.

The kissing part still makes me a little sick to my stomach but I'm learning to get used to it.

Answer 8

how about you quit calling him my GAY brother and start treating him like a brother. Who cares if he's gay?!?! Does that make him any less of a good brother and/or person?
Although there's a fairly large age difference between the two of you, you agree that he's mature and better yet he never drinks. Sounds like a good young man to me!
Come out of your shell and start talking to him!

Answer 9

My older brother is gay too. Just talk to him. Be honest. If you feel uncomfortable let him know and explain that it will just take some time. Don't be afraid to ask questions...people feel better about something once they understand it. No matter which sex he chooses to love just remember...he still is...and always will be...your brother. Best of luck to you.

Answer 10

If he is your only family (as your parents are in prison) you need to learn to open up to him. It's obvious he is interested and concerned for your well-being.
Forget the fact that he is gay. Remember the fact that he is your brother, and he sounds like he takes his role of older brother seriously. Start out slow, and in time, you will find yourself confiding in your brother more and more. Good luck to you.