Why don't we teach our children to take responsibility for their actions?

Question

Do people not realize that when we allow kids to get away with poor behavior we are teaching them a horrible lesson? What happens to them when Mommy and Daddy aren't there to defend them or pick up the pieces when they screw up?

Answer 1

Welcome to the world of being politically correct.

Answer 2

This is an awesome question! I had this exact discussion yesterday at a July 4th party and I believe it is the root of the problems with the children of this generation. The reason the conversation came up is that I am retired hockey coach. I am retired not because I don't enjoy coaching, but because I can no longer take the parents who feel that every issue that comes up in their children's lives the fault/responsibility of someone besides their own children.

Example: I had two players on my team who, at the end of our league playoffs, proceeded to jump and beat a player from the other team in a 2-1 loss. Despite the fact that we were losing, we had still qualified for the state tournament so there was something left to play for. I immediately suspended both players for the remainder of the season and planned to review their status during the off-season. One was always a pain in the rear, the other was a first time offender. (I approached the first time offender's parents during the season because I noticed a difference in the kid from the previous year. I was told that he just has his hands full is all.) The parent's of both boys immediately went on the offensive and tried to get the boys re-instated on the team, a battle which they lost. I resigned at the end of the season because it was obvious that I was not going to have a say on whether they returned for the following season. Most likely, I would have removed the kid who was a problem permanently and allowed the other kid to return after serving a few games the following season.

As a kid, I was involved in a similar incident, not nearly as severe. The difference being that my father was waiting at the door when the official escorted me from the ice. He was not there to yell at the officials or tell the coach how what I did was not my fault. He was there to be a father and to discipline me as a father should. I was instructed to remove my skates and get to the car. For the duration of the ride he talked to me about the situation. I was punished accordingly by my father, the coach and the league.

Parent's these days are raising a generation of children who believe that no matter what happens is not their fault. They are attempting to justify and deflect blame for the actions of their children at an alarming rate.

Answer 3

Most parents do their best. The fact is that most represent us, all of us. Some have a framework that is a little loose compared to others. This might be due to upbringing or finances or any of a hundred other variables.

My questions to you would be: firstly are you sure there is a real problem or issue, its not just media 'spin' blown up for the sake of a new book or front page story? Do you have a satisfactory answer? Because we all have a satisfactory answer, but many have lost thier confidence because as kids we're told we're bad (just look at a current affairs show) and, as parents we're told we cant fix it, its a problem we need help with. Time we stood up to be counted and looked for candid truth instead of media mush.

Our whole world today DOES NOT allow our children to show their potential. We underestimate and 'dis them all the time. We dont need some anonymous 'Mmmm' with confronting qualifications to tell us the kids are bad and we're bad for not fixing the kids. We all need a little reality check and a stock check of our Common Sense store. Remove the 'spin', the information that is not, and when the clutter is removed what stands out is probably the real issue. We will all have our own answer and all be right.

Life is just that, life. It is what it is. And all the 'spin' in the world will not convince me that it is anything more than an exciting exploration, one day at a time. And we will all keep on screwing up and learning from it...mostly. Our children (bless their little cotton socks) will continue to be our children and make their mistakes too. But to claim that this syndrome, this fad, this issue, this wave, this event, this problem, whatever it is, is more than it seems... well thats just a way to sell books, make news for TV or give someone you dont like a hard time.

We all have to beware the spin, because like all whirlpools, they are easy to get caught in and difficult to get out of.

Answer 4

We cant teach them responsibility because it might damage their self esteem. Unless you want crazy Liberals all up in your business, I suggest that you tell your children they're special and everything they do is good.

Liberals don't care that this self esteem BS is ruining kids.

Learning lessons the hard way is part of life. They will be responsible when mommy and daddy stop saving them from every little thing. Parents should only step in when it gets out of control and is too much for the kid to handle.

Answer 5

SCHOOL ANSWERING MACHINE - so funny!
This is the message that the Pacific Palisades High School (California) staff voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine. This is the actual answering machine message for the school.This came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework. The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children's failing grades changed to passing grades - even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough schoolwork to pass their classes.

The outgoing message:
"Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member,
Please listen to all the options before making a selection:
To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1
*To make excuses for why your child did not do his work- Press 2
*To complain about what we do - Press 3
*To swear at staff members - Press 4
*To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in
Your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5
*If you want us to raise your child - Press 6
*If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7
*To request another teacher, for the third time this year - Press 8
*To complain about bus transportation - Press 9
*To complain about school lunches - Press 0
*If you realize this is the real world and your child must be
Accountable and responsible for his/her own behavior, class work, homework and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort: Hang up and have a nice day!

Answer 6

There are some people in this world that should not be allowed to be parents. Unfortunately, since they can't be told what not to do, we have to put up with people that let their kids do what they want, creating the future generation of themselves.

I have taught my kids from the start to use please, thank you, excuse me - clean their rooms and to be responsible for themselves. So far (they're 4 and 5), they're fantastic kids. I am always complimented on how polite they are. Just today we were in the store and my daughter said excuse me to a lady before walking in front of her.

The other key is being responsible yourself. Kids imitate. If you don't practice what you preach, they won't either.

Answer 7

Parents don't have "time" for their children these days like in my day. It is easier to give them what they want to keep them out of their hair. Children today aren't afraid of consequences because there aren't any consequences. Parents then wonder why their chilren "walk" all over them and do not respect them. Children learn by example.

Answer 8

that's a good question! My aunt, a school teacher asks that one incessantly! I think partially because a lot of parents are spending too much time trying to befriend their children than actually PARENT them! and you don't want to hurt your friend's feelings by disciplining them now, would you? and partially because to discipline a child is a 24/7 job and some folk are lazy... (maybe?)

Answer 9

Because if the children get in trouble they might throw a temper tantrum. That would be horrible! Heaven forbid they should feel guilty when they do something wrong.

Answer 10

Lots of people don't take responsibility for their own actions. Children learn by example.

Answer 11

Some parents find it easier to give in. Some don't want to be the bad guy. Some parents care more about their own feelings that they do about raising decent children.