Anybody know any good jokes?

Answer 1

God and the Harley Davidson Inventor


Arthur Davidson, the inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur thought about it for a minute, then said, "I want to hang out with God."

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?"

Arthur said, "Yep, that's me."

God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me, but aren't You the inventor of woman?"

God said, "Yes."

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;

3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;

5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!"

"Hmmmmm, you have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."

God went to His Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.
The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

Answer 2

Sorry this one is long:
One day a teacher asked her student,"Do you know the first five letters of the alphabet?" The boy said," No, but I'll ask my parents."

So after school, the boy went to his mom. His mom was cutting pickles. So the boy says,"Mom do you know th first letter of the alphabet?" "Shut up you crazy pickle!"

So then the boy went to his sister's room. His sister was playing with her dolls, and the dolls were getting married. "Hey sis, do you know the second letter of the alphabet?" So the Sister answered," OH, I do I do."

The boy later went to the living room where his brother was watchig TV. The boy asked," Hey, do you know the third letter of the alphabet?" The brother answered," Du Du BATMAN!!"

After that the boy went to to the bathroom door where his dad was. "Hey dad, do you know the fourth letter of the alphabet?" The dad answered,"On the toilet!"

Later the boy went to his grandma's. Hey Grandma do you know the fifth letter of the alphabet?" Well the grandma was trimming her toe nails and answered, "Oh my freakin toe!!"

So the next day the boy went back to school and the teacher asked, "So did you learn the first five letters of the alphabet?" Then the boy answered,"Shut up you crazy pickle!" The teacher got furious and asked," Do tou want to go to the princepals office?!" The boy said," Oh I do I do!" So the boy got to th office and the princepal asked, " Whats your name son?" " Du du Batman!" He answered. " Where do you live?" asked the pricepal. Well, the boy said," On the toilet!!'" The princepal got mad at all the dumb answers, so he finally asked, " Whats your problem?!" " My freakin toe" The boy answered.

The End

Answer 3

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Little Johny replied, "Because people are sleeping."

Answer 4

Your mom's so loose, it's like throwing a hot dog down a hall way.

<3,

Answer 5

Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water?

A: I Might not get hard I just got laid last night!

Answer 6

I don't have good jokes, but I have stupid crazy jokes... Hahaha!!
Put firecracks in my neigbour's car and rubbish bin!! PANG!! That's was cooooooooooolll !!

Answer 7

you might be a redneck if you think loading the dishwasher means gettin your wife drunk.

Answer 8

go to ahajokes.com

Answer 9

no