How do i discipline my violent nephew?

Question

my nephew is 3 years old and he has been through a traumatic experiance he witnessed my brother (his dad) beat my aunt with a rock and then my brother left my aunt there and took off with my nephew and the police caught him and my nephew then witnessed the police wrestle my brother to the ground. My nephew lives with my aunt who was beat and when he comes to stay at my house he his violent and i don't want to hit him but what can i do i'll uaslly hold him down but what else can i do i think that just frustrates him my nephew hits,bites,yells and rasise his fist to me what can i do?

we want to take him to child psychologist but we don't have the money

Answer 1

I would *strongly* urge you to read the book

"The Explosive Child"

It's $10 from Amazon.com and it will change your parenting life.

Answer 2

One thing you might try is to discuss correct behavior before it gets out of hand. For example, while eating a snack you might explain what should be done when he is upset or doesn't get what he wants. It is very difficult to explain these things in the heat of the moment so if he understands what is expected, it might be easier to help calm him down.

Also, you might want to think about therapy. He has been through a traumatic experience and is probably having difficulty understanding that the behavior he witnessed is not appropriate. Play therapy is designed to help children his age.

Additionally, if you just need to deal with the behavior at hand, when he becomes violent and uncontrollable, have a place (a room or area of the home) where he can let out his frustrations. Don't try to reason with him when he is upset! Think about how hard it is when someone tries to talk to an adult and reason with them when they are upset. It is even more difficult for a 3-year old who can't control his emotions yet.

Most of all, he just need a lot of love and attention.

Hope it helps.

Answer 3

I would recommend getting the child to a pediatric behaviorist or child psychologist. It seems to me that he is reacting to the trauma of what he witnessed and is too young to articulate what is wrong so is acting out. When he is with you and he has a major fit like that sit with him in your lap (on the floor is best) and wrap your arms around him in a bear hug until he calms down. Rocking back and forth while you're doing this may help. Just make sure to keep calm and remind him that you love him no matter what.

Good Luck

Answer 4

The child is a candidate for therapy when he is older. Not yet. The behavior he's exhibiting comes from fear, threat, insecurity. He's too young to reason through his feelings. Children who act out generally don't know who or don't believe anyone is in charge enough to protect them. They test the water with violent behavior to find out who will. This is largely subconscious. Gentle restraint is appropriate when the behavior is violent. Hold the boy with his back to your chest. Cross his arms on his chest and hold him firmly. Put a leg over his legs, if he kicks them. Talk to him calmly and tell him he'll be okay, that you will let him go only when he's calm. If he was given a time-out before the restraint, he will have to finish it afterward. Tell him you understand he's angry, but you won't let him hurt himself or anyone else because you are in charge of caring for him. Basic guidelines: Clear, reasonable expectations and consistent consequences that fit the misbehavior.

Answer 5

how terrible for your nephew.

many kids who are exposed to violence like that are in need of counseling... even at three years old. if your aunt has a social worker or victim's advocate, that person will be able to help her find resources.

one of the best things you can do is model proper behavior for your nephew when he comes over. when he tries to hit, etc., he is physically expressing frustrations that he can't explain with words just yet. you just need to keep reminding him, "i know you are upset, but we do not hit" every time he tries to hit a person or thing.

if you need to restrain him until he cools off, put him on your lap, facing away from you, with your arms around him. use a calm voice and praise him for other times today he did *not* hit when he was upset. as he calms down, turn him sideways so he can rest his head on your chest and you can rock him.

work with you aunt, so you are both doing the same things with you nephew to improve his behavior. consistency is key.

good luck!

Answer 6

Put him on the naughty step, and treat him like a regular child. The good think about children that young is that they can generally recover from anything, but if you treat him too softly, he'll become spoilt and keep having tantrums to get attention. He must learn that to yell and bite is not acceptable for any child.
Balance this with LOTS of love and affection when he is being good.

Answer 7

The BEST plan is consistency with any caregiver, babysitter, etc. that the child is left in the care of. I would consider following the advice of a therapist who specializes in this type of behavior - it only gets worse if not corrected. As the child grows and gets stronger and stronger, he can be a real threat to himself and others, at school, etc. I wish you the best of luck in this situation; it is never an easy thing to handle. The quicker you learn to modify this behavior the better off everyone, most of all your nepphew, will be.

Answer 8

You tell him that you can beat him too. And everytime he tries beat someone, embrace him and dont let him move! Children think that they are the lords in the house, they rule the hause. You must make him understand that who rules is you. Be you! Make him understand that he cant do enything without you! Talk with him normal and calmed and the most you must be conceited and sure for what you say, so he Know that cant do something!

Answer 9

if you are the only one that really cares that the child is safe and want to see him happy, then act like his mom and be there for him no matter what, talk to him as if he is a 9 year old and explain to him that that way of living is not good, let him know that he is a good boy never call him bad, tell him that Santa and Jesus don't like it when children do bad things, i think he may be confused and he might not know right from wrong, it is nit too late to help him, take him to a doctor so that they can give you advice, that boy needs to learn right from wrong and since he grew up around violence then he thinks that a way of life, it's not his fault so don't ever blame him it is his parents fault. don't give up on him, god put him in your path for a reason, be strong, and it takes a lot of patients but please don't give up on him, NEVER LEAD HIM TO BELIEVE THAT HE IS A BAD BOY, JUST TELL HIM WHAT HE IS DOING IS WRONG AND NOT GOOD AND THAT HE NEEDS TO CHANGE, I MEAN HE IS ONLY 3 HE NEEDS HELP BECAUSE HE REALLY DOES NOT KNOW.....GOD BLESS YOU, AND GOOD LUCK.

Answer 10

Poor little thing. He must feel so out of control. May I suggest taking him to a child psychologist? He has been through a very traumatic event and need to seek some professional help.

Please see the site below.

Answer 11

You've GOT to take him to a child psychologist. They'll understand if you don't have a lot of money and they'll work things out. If you don't help him, your nephew WILL go the way of his father, damn it!