My daughter is going through an ugly divorce. She has 2 kids involved. Her husband is a jerk that hits her etc

Question

She received a call from a former youth pastor that is 10 years older than her. He is wonderful man of God. He told her that his wife had left him and he was getting a divorce also. She has always loved him and his wife because they have always been there for her. He has asked her to go out to eat with him just because he wants to hang out with her. They love each other very much, as friends. He actually told his soon to be ex-wife that he was going to hang out with my daughter and she said that was a good idea. She is involved with another man and could care less. My question is, would this be a good idea for her to get involved with someone that she thinks so much of. she really feels like she is doing his wife wrong by going out with him even though she knows about it. We've been praying for god to send her a Godly man but we were floored when he called her to go out. He wants to get in a relationship with her and she is afraid that everyone will think bad of both of them @ church.

Answer 1

One thing at a time, get through the divorce before starting a relationship because he might use it against him. If th ex is OK with it then she should continue seeing him as a friend until she is divorced. Good for her!

Answer 2

Jean, so happy that your daughter is getting a divorce and getting this bad apple out of her and her children's life. Having said that, and after reading your question a few times, something just doesn´t sound right about this Pastor. I´m not implying he is not good, but he´s moving in too quickly here. First, let both divorces go through, for the children´s good if for no other. Then, your daughter should take some healing/closure time, concentrate on the kids, and hold-off with the Pastor for a while. Time usually gives us answers, and I´m certain there is somebody very special out there for her.
It may not make much sense, but patience does pay off. In short, too many critical things are going on right now, which should take priority. Once those are settled, then make a move, if still an option. God Bless and patience.

Answer 3

Well it appears that God has answered your prayer and presented you a Godly man, so chances are that God will direct your daughter and this pastor on the right path along their future. Everyone in church will have to think what they want, and if they are true Christians then wouldn't they leave it to God to judge and God alone? People know that they shouldn't judge people right? A pastor is only human, and has wants and needs just like all of us. I would imagine that a large percentage of the congregation has no room to talk when it comes to relationships similar to your daughters and the pastor. That doesn't keep people from talking or gossiping though. The pastor could have a sermon about his current situation, and this would bring it out in the open and show he has good intentions and has nothing to hide. Just my ideas and thoughts to hopefully give you some food for thought. God bless all of you. You may want to pray for the "wife beater" and even get a restraining order against him. Those kind of people are actually dangerous. (smile and have a good day)

Answer 4

I think everyone should think of the two kids. There is nothing wrong with mommy having a platonic relationship with him. She could even spend some time with the ex, if she is really concerned about her feelings. If your daughter handles this in a mature and careful way, she can teach her kids alot.
Right now she needs to get into a way to stand on her own. Maybe this guy is nice, but what would happen if it still doesn't work out? It can happen to two good people as easily as a jerk and his wife. She might want to ask the ex a few questions, like why it didn't work out for them?
This guy is not the only soon to be divorced man. If they stay platonic, how can the church see it as wrong? Is he Catholic?
I would say she needs to be able to stand on her own, so if this is not the one, she can survive until the real thing comes along.
That is what is best for the kids.

Answer 5

They are both only seperated, which means they are still married to other people. Taht is called committing adultry. They both need to get a divorce from their spouces before they continue this relationship. If this former youth paster is truly a man of GOD he will see this and not let it go any further until both parties are cleared for take off. however, if all they are doing is hanging out with no sex involved, that is okay. No harm done. I hope they think wisely about the future. their main concern should be what GOD thinks, not the church.

Answer 6

I've known one godly man(youth pastor at a 1000 member church) who abused his two daughters and beat his wife...another I rented a home to was a minister...smaller church...who ran a painting business as well..he was a drug addict and now is in jail.

Don't get into another relationship while one is ending. The guy is making a mistake and your daughter is making a mistake. This will only lead to a problem and makes her friend look bad during a divorce and may cause bitterness or violence on her side from the husband. The ugliest thing I remember from years ago was a woman who was my friend...told me she was divorced and we went out a few times...suddenly a few days later I get a call from this guy at 2am...says he's her husband living 5 hours away with their child. Totally floored me.

Just tell her no...bad idea. Don't even go to dinner as a friend.

Answer 7

You get a divorce just due to your daughter than she will control your life for as long as she pleases she is at that age if you don't take control now you will never get it if your happy with your husband and it sounds like he is trying where some men wouldn't even bother so love him for that is nothing at all your mom is just being a grandmother not quite the way she should but her own way have a talk with your daughter an find out just what her problem is before it gets worst trust me it will

Answer 8

I believe your daughter is going to step into something just as bad as she's leaving, maybe not in the physical abuse area, however just as bad. Now for that wonderful man of God. First, if he is a pastor or preacher, then he knows what the ordances of the Bible tells him if he is to be loosed from a wife, he shouldn't be looking for another wife to replace the one he is divorcing, the Bible calls it adultery and he very well knows that, the word of God leaves very little wiggle room in these matters. As for the body of Christ is concerned in your church, they must righteously judge this situation according to the word of God and if they have not hardened their hearts to our Fathers word then they must shun these types of actions by their youth pastor. I hope and pray God will lighten the path of your daughter, the pastor and show each what the word of our Savior has said on marriage.

Answer 9

It depends on your daughter, She may need to spend time to get to know herself again after being in this abusive relationship. The kids may need time to heal as well. Are they in counseling? Most of the time its not a good idea to jump into another relationship so fast. Especially an abusive one and both of them being on the rebound. I would think a therapist would say she needsto heal. Sometimes rushing into a new relationship after coming from a bad one can cause some problems if your not totally healed.

Answer 10

They both need to be divorced before they get involved even if it is only lunch or dinner right now. He has a reputation to protect and she , if she is to become a Pastors wife, should act like one even if they are only dating. They both are representing Christ and they are both representing the sheep of the church. If her husband was abusive and his wife has committed adultery, they she should feel free to accept his invitation. But they both must be fully divorced before this happens.

Answer 11

I don't think anyone would see anything wrong AFTER they divorce. To date before hand would make everyone think that they broke up eachothers marriages, or just make them both look bad. If he's a man of God, he can wait and should know better.