My sister in law is Hiv+, she accepted her status and seems to be doing ok. She doesn't have any friends?

Question

anymore so i invited her over to our house for a couple of days. One day i left her by herself and work to when i came back she had the stereo up so loud that she didnt here me come in and then i found her in my bedroom with my wig and clothes on standing and dancing in front of the mirror, she had applied my make up and was wearing a pair of my favorite earrings. She was so shocked to see me. I kept quite and when my husband came back from work i told him the story. Obviously i was upset and he said he was gonna talk to her, the next day she wasn't talking to me in my own house.

Was i wrong in telling my husband......and was i wrong for getting worried about my own health safety. I had to throw away all my make up....blush, foundation, eyeliner, mascara, lipstick. I'm not even sure what else she used.

Answer 1

First of all - you didn't actually have to throw away your make up, though I can understand that you were scared. Unless she had open sores on her face, the virus isn't tranferable.

Second, I think you were right in telling your husband. She is, after all, HIS sister, and she should be the one to deal with this, not you. I'm sure she is just embarressed right now, and when she calms down she will talk to you and be okay.

Being diagnosed with AIDS is a really, really hard thing for a person, even if they seem okay. Keep this in mind, although I know it must be hard for you too.

Answer 2

Number one, HIV is not transferable that way. MAAAYBE through the lipstick because it could have come in contact with her saliva, but it's still highly unlikely.

I don't suggest you go dig the make-up out of the trash or anything, but as for the earrings and whatever else, just clean it with some alcohol if your really that worried or just want to play it safe (I would too, no offense to anyone or anything, HIV just isn't something to take lightly), but generally the virus can't live outside the human body for longer than an hour or 2. So your stuff is probably fine.

But anyway, think of it this way, HIV aside, how you would have reacted if anyone else had done that? Would you have told your husband then? Would you have still gotten so upset? I probably would have been upset just because she violated my privacy by going into my room and using my stuff, but that's not because of the HIV situation at all.

You have every right to up upset though. Just talk to her, and say that you're not that upset based on her HIV status, but because she violated your privacy and your trust. You leave her alone for just a little bit and she goes through our things and using personal supplies without permission. She's probably absolutely mortified that you caught her, so try to keep her friendship, after all, she's still family. Try to solve it and put it in the past.

Although in regards to telling your husband, that's perfectly fine. He's your husband, it's his house too, and it's his sister. He has every right in the world to know. He probably would have been kind of hurt if you hid something like that from him. I know I would start to question what else my significant other was hiding from me if they didn't even tell me something about my own sister. So don't feel bad about that.

Good luck!!

Answer 3

You didnt need to throw away all of your make-up. Not at all. You shouldnt be worried. The only thing you have any reason to worry about are your earrings. I suggest just cleaning them with a common disinfectant. HIV is a very weak virus and will not withstand it.

I suggest you talk with her and let her know that everything is ok between you two. Maybe tell her that it was more that she just needs to ask you before she does that, so that she thinks its not because of her HIV.

Otherwise, HIV can only be transmitted through blood and semen. Unless she was bleeding on everything and then you were mixing her blood with an open wound of your own, there's absolutely no way you can contract the disease. Don't worry and be conscious of her feelings. If you are worried about anything in particular, just use basic disinfectant on it.

Answer 4

There is nothing wrong with what you did. Your Sister N Law did not respect you or your privacy and HIV or not that would have made me mad. You should be cautious as far as your earrings go. You need to tell your Sister N Law that you don't mind her coming over to visit but to please respect you by staying out of your stuff. I would recommend you putting a lock on your door. I know that may seem bad but it is not. If you invite someone in your home out of the kindness of your heart and they go thru your things like that then they are taking advantage of you and you need to protect yourself and things. Do Not Feel Bad! I would have done the same thing. Good Luck!

Answer 5

While I agree you were justified in being upset that she invaded the privacy of your belongings, and it was very disrespectful of her to be in a place she did not have permission to be in, or using things that did not belong to her, your reaction seems to be derived from your lack of total understanding about HIV and Aids. The fact you feel compassion for her is commendable, and if you truly wish to be helpful to her, your husband, and your family, you need to take the time to research her disease so your actions are inspired by knowledge instead of paranoia. You were right in notifying your husband, and you were right in feeling betrayed by here invasion of your privacy, but you must ask yourself if this was the real reason for your actions, or was it fear of something you do not fully understand. Having HIV or Aids is pressure enough without seeing fear in everyone's eyes when you enter a room. Love conquers fear, so love her enough to know her and what she is dealing with. It doesn't mean she should be allowed into your home to act like an invader, and to use her condition as a means to get her way. There should be ground rules and boundaries, and they should be presented by both you and your husband as a sign of unity so there is no chance of playing one against the other. She may act like she's under control on the outside, but I can guarantee she is a frightened and disoriented little girl on the inside. If you truly want to help her, offer to go to councelling with her, and to her doctor. She needs to be able to count on somebody, and if you can't count on family, it is a dark and miserable world to have to live in.

Answer 6

You're wrong! Some of my best friends have HIV. You cant get it if she wears your clothes, your earrings, your blush, lipstick, or any of those things. Not even the toilet or the shower. How could you make her feel like that?You need to get some information about her condition. You both should apologize.

Answer 7

i dont think you were wrong..i would have done the same thing..just because hiv is s a scary thing...i think it was ok that you shared the info with your husband but think it was wrong that he talked to her..You should have talked about the situation with her...Also you cant get hiv because she used your blush and foundation..its only through sex or any open wounds...Perhaps you need to do some research on his, how its spred and then go and apologize..Like i said it is a natual reaction, the way you acted and im sure many others would do the same..but how do you think you made her feel

Answer 8

I'd be more worried about the earrings than anything else. You had no reason to throw away your makeup, and it's things like that make Americans look ignorant about diseases. YOU need to educate yourself on how this virus can and cannot be spread. She is probably embarrassed, and also is feeling down because you thinks she's "contagious" by touch.

Answer 9

I don't think that you were wrong in telling your husband. If the sister were not HIV+, I would still be pissed that she was going through my stuff when I wasn't home.

But, as the others said, the stuff probably wasn't contaminated unless she had an open-wound.

Answer 10

HIV cannot be spread through those means of just wearing your make-up and clothing. It needs to be done through serious body fluids such as semen and blood.

What you can do is talk to her, and let her know you need her to respect your boundaries. Let her know your not upset, just concerned why she was acting like that. Let her know you accept her for who she is. Try not to worry so much. If you are still worried, talk to your doctor about certain risks and percautions you can take.