I found out a little over a week ago that my finance' cheated on me. It was with a woman in the apartment building next to mine. He did this in October, while I was pregnant with his son. He never told me and even try to hide things. He found out in December that the woman was also pregnant with his baby. For several months he treated me very bad and we even seperated for about 1 month. Then I find out all of this. I asked him why he could ever do this to me... his response was because he was affraid that I would leave him so he did it first. He also told me that he has mental issues like being bi-polar. Well he decides that he wants to try and work things out. He says that he will do whatever it takes to keep me. My question is , is should I try and work things out? He is 30 years old... I am 23. He has 2 daughters by his second wife and has a daughter on the way by this other woman. I know that I cant trust him right now and there is no guarntee that I can at a later date.
2006-07-02 16:00:59 · 48 answers · asked by ashley 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I guess that I should say a very important detail as to why this is so hard of a situation for me. He was my first and only man I have ever loved. I gave him my first kiss and my heart.
2006-07-02 16:50:27 · update #1
honestly, i have been in a similar situation, my spouse cheated on me, we seperated for five months and I took our 2 kids back to my parents house. we got back together and we are working on things but honestly i still and probably will always wonder if he is always being faithful to me. You are still young, he has shown that he likes different women, he has now what is it 4 kids, you are likely to get more money from him if you are just getting child support than if you live with him b/c he is going to be paying out soo much to his other three kids. He probably wont change do you know why his second marriage or first didn't work out?
Lots of questions, the real question is do you want to always be wondering if he is being faithful, or do you want to move on and find someone who will be faithful?!
Hope that helps, in my situation it was this one time, and it is both our first marriages so it's a bit different, the other differences is that we are both now christians and are going to church together too.
good luck i hope that you make the best decision for you and the baby.
2006-07-02 16:10:25 · answer #1 · answered by lily 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A person's first instinct is that "once a cheater-always a cheater". But that isn't always the case. I personally believe that there is no excuse for cheating, but I don't know everything either. If a person cheats, it usually means that he/she has some insecurities of their own that they are having a hard time dealing with and they feel that the sexual attention from someone other than their significant other will help them deal with it. Little do they realize that they are not only hurting the one they are cheating on, but themselves as well. My advice to you would be to really think hard about not just you, but your child too, and ask yourself if being with this man is worth all the pain and heartache that he may put you through again in the future. You will know deep in your heart if he is being sincere about wanting to reconcile. If he is apologetic and seems like he really means it, give him another chance. But if he cheats again, throw him in the gutter and go find another! One that will treat you and your son RIGHT. You need a man that will not only love and appreciate you but one who will also be a good example and positive influence on your son. Good luck!
2006-07-02 16:16:57 · answer #2 · answered by LADYBUG 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure this is what you want to hear but he sounds like a real piece of work!
He's got 2 kids and 2 more on the way with 3 different women, none of whom he is married to, and he's already divorced twice before 30???
He cheats and doesn't try to hide it (which means he didn't care if you knew) and he's mentally ill.
You will NEVER be able to trust this man because he has no respect for you, or any other woman.
You and your baby deserve a man who is a grown up and who respects himself, you and your relationship.
I'm sorry you have a child by him, because this is not a dude that's likely to be a good father. I'm guessing you'll have a problem getting child support from him anyway (and he may well disappear altogether).
Run, very fast and ver far.
I guarantee you will never be able to trust him, because he's not going to be worthy of your trust.
2006-07-02 16:06:42 · answer #3 · answered by Lori A 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Work it out? To what end? So you can spend the next 10 years wondering every single minute what he's doing, who's he with? why does he treat me this way? yuck!
Your fiance has 4 children to support!!!!!! And that's before he even buys you a nice Valentine's Day gift....
Bi-polar tends to run in families, you focus should be on your child now....
And, he now has a life long commitment to the woman he cheated with now...there's no escaping that harsh reality.....
In a real relationship, it's just NOT that hard to stay faithful and committed - you may fight over everyday things, but real relationships never have trust issues....
2006-07-02 16:09:53 · answer #4 · answered by Paula M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is obvious that this man has commitment issues, aside from all the other issues that he is claiming. Search your heart for the answer and don't be afraid of hearing it. If you heart is telling you that it's time to move on, then do so. Don't let fear of a failed relationship keep you in a place that you should not be in. If you do that, then it isn't just you who gets to pay the price, but your child gets to as well. Is it good for your child to be raised by a man who has limited moral ethics?
2006-07-02 17:52:55 · answer #5 · answered by hvnly_spector 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am bipolar. What he did is NOT okay just because he has this disease! Tell him if its affecting him that much to go to a doctor and get on medications!
Darling, you are better then him. I think that you deserve more. But I don't know all the details - and really, only you know how you feel about him. The decision is all yours, and I hope your family and friends support you no matter what you do.
But, personally? I would dump him in a second.
2006-07-02 16:05:02 · answer #6 · answered by Mary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
unless you want you and your child to wind up dead beheaded lying in a ditch somewhere or buried in the woods i'd suggest you leave that well alone and inform someone what is going on just so you are in record saying something about this. It sounds paranoid but things happen and you have the power to control it from getting out of hand. be very careful and don't just blow it off otherwise you'll regret it the world needs you even if you think it doesn't.
2006-07-02 16:22:53 · answer #7 · answered by the a.m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seriously, let him go, there are much better men out there that will love you enough not to cheat on you. He can tell you whatever he wants to keep you happy, but what he does behind your back is a different story. The real question is, do you really trust him enough to know that he wouldn't do it again? IMO I would send him packing, and let him have time with his child, and make him pay child support...your better than this, and you don't deserve it.
2006-07-02 16:05:38 · answer #8 · answered by ♥o_wise1♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why in the name of all that is holy would you get involved with a man with all of these problems and such a past? And you chose him to father your child? You must have rocks in your head. He will cheat again and again and have some stupid excuse that you will believe. Maybe you deserve each other. Now there will be 4 innocent kids whose lives have been messed up by this rotten excuse for a man.
2006-07-02 16:06:29 · answer #9 · answered by notyou311 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You answered your own question in your last sentence. You KNOW you can't trust him. And marriage is based on trust. Any man who would use the excuse that he cheated first because he was afraid you would leave is not mature enough to be married. Being bi-polar is no excuse either.
2006-07-02 16:08:51 · answer #10 · answered by theoriginalquestmaker 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋