His mom is planning EVERYTHING, and I want the wedding to be how I want it. She picked the church, and I want it at our family church, but now he has his mind set on the one she picked and wont agree with me, the ONLY thing (besides making the wedding how SHE want it) shes helping with is food which she is making herself to save $, and she said shed help with whatever MY parents didnt get. Im trying to plan it how i want it to be and compromise whit things he doesnt like, but its so hard with his mom making decisions for us....what can i do to make him hear ME out? (ive tried to talk to him, but his mom still wins...) and his mo helps out alot when we need $ to make it by or whatnot but this is MY wedding...
2006-07-02 14:17:12 · 29 answers · asked by shaunies_babygirl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
If talking to her doesn't work and neither does talking to your fiance, then you need to step up and take charge. THIS IS YOUR DAY!!!!!!!!!!! If she's reserved something or somewhere you don't like - call to cancel it. Undo the things she's done that you don't agree with and do them yourself. You should shut her down on the planning right now, before it's out of control and too late. Perhaps even have your family call her and thank her for all she's doing, but that they've already made plans to handle a, b and c...
2006-07-13 04:37:28 · answer #1 · answered by junebug 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dude, I'll tell you what-- I've been there and if you think the interference will end with the wedding, you are wrong. You are definitely in a tight spot since you are in love with this guy and want to spend the rest of your life with him. However, what we don't always realize is that his family is yours for better or for worse, too. As hard as it is, you need to explain to your fiance that this needs to go differently. As much as you appreciate the help (mostly financial), it's turning into a wedding between him and his mother. You'd rather not be a guest at your own wedding, I assume. Stand up for yourself now so that you don't regret it for the rest of your lives. Make it a day about you and your fiance.
Not to mention that a precedent is being set if your soon-to-be mother-in-law calls the shots from the getgo.
Good luck to you. And be happy.
2006-07-02 17:04:49 · answer #2 · answered by SusieQ 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, this is not good. You and your fiancee should be a team, presenting a united front to the rest of the world. You have every right for your wedding to be the way you want it. My concern is what this is portending for the future. Your man is taking his mother's side AGAINST you, that's not good at all. Ideally, he should go to his mother (w/o you, btw) and explain to her that she needs to back off and let you plan the wedding. She has totally stepped out of bounds here. The fact that he either won't or can't stop his mother does not bode well for the rest of your life together, unless you want a meddling mother in law. This is a GIANT red flag. I've been married for over 18 years, and if my hubby EVER took his mother's side over mine, I'd have left him long ago. That is NOT the way to be in a marriage. I would STRONGLY recommend you guys get some couples therapy...QUICK. He needs to understand that your marriage will not work if he keeps taking someone else's side against his wife's. Postpone the wedding if need be. I wish you all the best, and I sure hope you get this straightened out.
2006-07-13 10:18:39 · answer #3 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit your soon to be hubby down and have a good long talk with him. Either don't let him up until he understands the seriousness of the situation or postpone the wedding until he realizes you're not taking that crap anymore. I went through the exact same stuff with my now mother-in-law last year. She wanted to choose our church, our guest list and even our decorations! Luckily my husband was willing to see my side and stand up to her. We basically told her this was OUR wedding and if she wanted to plan one then she needed to have her own. If your fiancee is not willing to side with you and stand up for what is important to you on something as special as your wedding day then you may have more than an in-law problem. Just be firm, be a beotch and if all else fails, watch the show Bridezillas and take some notes but do whatever you have to do to make this the day of your dreams, not hers.
2006-07-02 17:29:55 · answer #4 · answered by Stacey M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough situation. Think about it though--you'll most likely have to deal with your future mother-in-law until you die, so if it's worth it to you, you'll have to find a way to deal with it. And if she's paying for a majority of things, she's gonna feel like she has a huge say in it.
As far as your fiancee--it's SO important that he understands this BEFORE you get married! If things start like this, they WILL NOT get any better. Maybe you should email him the answers that people have given you on here, and he'll understand. Or maybe you should go out to dinner, and bring it up there. Chances are, he won't make a scene in a public place, and he'll be forced to calmly sit and work something out with you so as not to be embarrassed.
Whatever happens, you'll be okay. The important thing is that you're going to be married to the man of your dreams, right? And honestly...you probably won't remember that much of it a couple years down the road! Make sure you get the photographer that YOU want, and you'll have treasured memories forever!
Good luck, sweetheart!
2006-07-02 14:46:56 · answer #5 · answered by Lindsay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the wedding is next month, you should have been putting your foot down a LONG time ago about all of it....since there's not much time left, there's really not much you can do except call off the wedding. Sounds like he's a momma's boy, so be prepared to deal with that the rest of your life. Apparently she wants to have the wedding of her dreams through you and him. Good luck.
2006-07-02 14:35:46 · answer #6 · answered by bluez 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've heard this happen many a time at the bridal shop where I work. The fact is that your man can not stand up to his mom, even for you. You really need to talk to him first and let him know that you are no comfortable with the situation you are in now. Tell him you need to be assured that this is not a taste of what is yet to come (if she is like this with your wedding, imagine what she will be like when you have kids). You can not stand up to her on your own, you need his help. If he can not do this for you RUN FAST, you will have her to deal with the rest of your life and no matter what happens you will always be #2 to him. Good luck!
2006-07-02 14:30:18 · answer #7 · answered by Audi Leah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First call the wedding off. It's YOUR special day not his mom's and if he can't take that into account then I wouldn't marry him cause it's not going to be special for you. And he's such a mama's boy he needs to plan this day with you cause it's your day and he shouldn't be putting his mom before you on a day that is yours. So you either sit him down and tell him how you want it to be or tell him your not happy with it and you'll call off the wedding I know I would. I'm not going to be unhappy for anyone else. I'm going to get married and me and my bf are going to plan it TOGETHER not his mom unless you ask for advice on some things but for her to plan things that you don't want is out of total disrespect and you don't have to settle for that and as someone mentioned just imagine your married life. She's going to be in your business and wait til the kids start coming in she will then tell you how to be a mother. You need to also talk to her. Tell her Thanks BUT no thanks. You have to set boundaries and let her know there are some so she doesn't get out of hand. She'll only do what you allow her to do. So put your foot down
2006-07-02 15:02:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh boy are you in trouble. You are marrying into big trouble, If you think she is trouble now......just wait.
What on earth is in you that you LET her take over.
This is your wedding.
I would put the wedding on hold and get that woman into therapy. And if your bf doesn't stand up to her now......wait until your married. I learned that anything bad before you get married is worse when you are married..
You bf needs to totally be on your side or it will be a battle against his mother and you forever. Believe me!
Personally I would put a hold on the wedding. Get some intense counseling with your bf and rethink the happy ever after to your life.
Believe me I been there done that. It took me years to learn to stand up for myself. My wedding was a battle between my mom and his. there was guilt, hysterical confrontations, disappointments. Nasty. Why would anyone consider getting married under such conditions/
Hand the bf the engagment ring and tell him to give it to his mother. I would imagine the whole town you live in would stand up and applaude!
2006-07-14 19:24:43 · answer #9 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very simple - do the wedding yourself with your money. My mom is a control freak, and I knew we would clash on everything. I took her out of the picutre. My husband and I planned our wedding the way we wanted it. We also got to tell our parents how many people they could invide. The 5 grand we spent was well worth it. Otherwise, good luck dealing with the parents.
2006-07-13 08:13:02 · answer #10 · answered by mlm1975 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋