i NEVER want to have children - i must be off?

Question

I'm 20 right now, i have a boyfriend but i have no want or dreams of having children now or anytime in the future. The reason, to me, is simple. I work in the service industry, im also in a kiosk in the mall so i see alot of reasons why i never want kids.
1. MOMMY I WANT...when the 2 year old throws a **** fit because they didnt get what they wanted and either the stupid parent gives them that object or just kinda ignores them making everyone else suffer (i know its hard raising kids but please remember, you wear the pants in the family, not your brats)
2. i refer to the little 10 -15 year olds left alone in the mall to shop; who dress half naked like their older sister or Brittany Spears does PROSTA-TOTS. get it? little pint sized sluts, thanks mom and dad! if i had a kid, and I WILL NOT, he/she isint leaving the house without looking half way decent and without me.
so i guess i can sum it up as 'mini sluts, parents who dont give a ****, and the screaming brats' am i off my rocker?

wow thanks for the comments everyone i have a few responses:

20 in my family is marryn' age and i dont want that either.

BrendaWise: no, im lucky they dont belong to me haha

i would also like to acknowledge the fact that yes there are some wonderful parents out there i just havent seen many to make me hopefull or to change my mind - likewise i realize there are positive sides to having children.....i just find that there are far more negatives then positives...

i also think this world can do without yet another distructive human being.

while im 20 now, and yeh far far too early to think about any sort of life alterating decisions, in about 15+ years i will probably still not want kids. im not currently pregnant and not looking to get so. im not planning on bringing a child into the world, its messed up enough without my help.

those of you who raised your kids with respect for others, hats off to you

ithanks to all!

Answer 1

I totally agree with you. I feel that kids woulds completely screw with my life. Not to mention, when you have a kid, you're respoonsible for it. If you raise it wrong, you've f*cked up it's life. Too much responsibility.

Answer 2

You're not off your rocker. What you are is still 'young' and not ready.

There are some women who know when they're ready, and some who have always known that they want to be a parent. There are some like me, who at your age, didn't even want kids. I didn't get pregnant with my son till I was 27. I was so worried cause of all the years I didn't think I wanted kids let alone make a good parent.

I have to say, it changed my life. Perhaps someday you too will understand what I mean by that. The depth of it. It's indescribable.

Now, as for not wanting kids because of what you see by working in the mall, that's just sorta silly don't ya think? By what you posted about your belief system in how kids should be raised and the kind of morals you would instill, I think you'll make a good mom ~ SOMEDAY!

Just don't be in a hurry, don't totally be discouraged by the thought of it, or by what you see in the way 'other peoples kids are' & keep an open mind. Those are not how your kids will be. they're someone elses.

You're still soooooooooo young and there's so much out there to do and see. Your kids will be better for it too, having waited till you're ready to be that great mom.

Have a great time for now & Good luck with your future.
Cindee {:o)

Answer 3

No, I don't think ur off ur rocker at all. Ur right...and the sad thing is, there are parents out there who try as hard as they know how, and their kids could still turn out aweful. My mom thinks I'm the biggest mistake in her life, and she saiys she did the best she could raising me...so if she did her best, and almost thirty years later she regrets having me, then, I don't think I'll do much better. But she thinks I will..so she wants grandkids...my brother will give her some, but she'd like some from me. There are too many parents in this world who have kids, and either don't raise 'em right(trouble for the wrong things, dont discipline them right), or don't raise them at all--and all these parents wonder where they went wrong!!!!! There's tons of resources out there for u to use in taking care of ur kids! I mean, back in the AD time period, most kids were well-behaved, and the only book the parents had to refer to was the Bible, now, parents have books, videos, DR.Phil, etc, and they've raised brats...what gives? Then if u have a kid and discipline it wrong, the govt gets involved, and ur kid runs wild and u get in trouble for trying to teach ur kid a lesson, and for the damage they reaked...when u see and hear about all this, sometimes u think it's better not to have kids at all...but then, it comes down to a population problem...no matter how u cut it, eventually, the young do take care of the old, and if u don't creatae any young, how will they care for u when ur old(I'm not talking about one's own kids either).

Answer 4

I know what you are talking about. I went from wanting to have 3-4 kids to not wanting to have any, all in my first year of teaching elementary school. I am older then you are right now but I still don't want to have children.

My point to is, no, you are not the only one not wanting to have children. There are plenty of women out there that are not particularly keen on becoming mothers. Most of them will not be frank about it because apparently......you are a bad person if you don't find children adorable.

The sad part is when some of these women that don't find motherhood particularly attractive, end up having kids because they don't dare stand by their principles. Some of them get lucky and they find that the motherly instinct kicks in and they become good mothers. But most of the times, things will stay the same, they have no patience for their kids and they end up to be the kids you are talking about in your examples.

My advice to you: only have kids if you want to and you know what it means to raise a kid and are willing to give it 100%. If you are not, you are not a horrible person; you will become a horrible person only if you half-*** the mother job. Don't have a kid just because everyone says that's what you should do. Large numbers of people have been dead wrong before.

Answer 5

I completely agree with you and I too have been seen as "abnormal" for not wanting kids. I refuse to be responsible for another messed up life. I see kids today and it makes me sick that the parents don't care about them, they don't pay them enough attention, and they don't bother to teach them how to behave. I don't want kids either, but if I ever DO reconsider my position, I'd adopt one. There are far too many kids out there without good homes and if I can make one life better by providing a home for one of these kids, then it's worth it.

As for the prosti-tots, I agree. What kind of parent lets thier kid skank around like that? I blame the fashon and entertainment industries. Have you even seen the clothes they market for 5-10 yr olds? They have little tiny bikinis, halter-tops, low-rise pants, hot-pants, booty-shorts and all sorts of slut-in-training apparel.

It's sad that it is extremely hard to find nice, modest, fashionable clothes any more- for any age group.

Answer 6

Actually I give you a lot of credit. You know what you want. My sister doesn't want children, and is a very happy well adjusted person with a very nice husband. They are able to travel all over the place and they don't have the added pressure of dragging kids all over creation. More woman should be taken into your environment and shown exactly what you see day in and day then maybe we wouldn't have so many children in broken homes, and kids on the streets. All the other problems we have today are because mothers are having children they don't want. Bravo to you. At least you are proud enough to voice your concerns and take a stand, this is clearly out of control.

Answer 7

Well, you're still young. I can easily see how the constate barrage or poorly parented brats and proto-sluts can turn you off to the idea of eventually training up children.

However, I'd offer some food for thought. I have two wonderful teenage sons. My wife and I aren't perfect parents, by any stretch of the imagination, and we've made our mistakes. But we have always been committed to training up our children to be responsible adults, have made sacrifices over the years to take care of them, interact with them, and care for them. I know, it sounds pretty old-fashioned and parochial.

But I guarantee you I'm not alone, that many other parents can attest that children can be one of the greatest joys in a person's life. My boys are in mine.

Let me just leave you with this - if you spent all your day in the junk yard, you might never want to buy a car, either. But that doesn't mean all cars are junk.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 8

No, you aren't off your rocker - what you see is what goes on much of the time. But there are parents who actually care about their kids, raise them right, don't allow them to walk all over them, and don't let them dress like whores. These parents are few and far between but they do exist and their kids are smart, funny, and well behaved.
Don't say you don't want kids - because if you realize how all these parents are making mistakes, at least you know what not to do with your children.

Answer 9

you are only 20 right now, so let's see how you feel when you are close to 30. I had my first kid at 26, so I had time to play. Children are wonderful. They actually turn your life around. Believe it or not, it's a pleasure having children. The girls dress slutty now a days. That's the sign of the times. Things will be different when you get a little older. So relax and live and let live.

Answer 10

You have a lot of valid reasons why some people should be sterile, unfortunately its mostly the wrong ones. Hey i admire the fact that u know what u want and aren't afraid to say it, some people aren't meant to be parents, that's ok. doesn't make u wrong or weird, just honest, more people should stop and think about it before it just happens. good for you. I agree, and i don't need to work in a mall i see it everyday when the kids are coming out of middle school mini-hookers in training, where are their fathers? mothers? anyone?

Answer 11

I may sound like your granny... Never say Never! But for the sake of the argument, it takes a special kind of love and patience to have and raise kids... If you are not ready for this, don't rush, read a lot od parenting books, get educated and then decide if you want them or not... And if you still don't want kids, that's okay not everybody needs to have kids, but they are a blessing for those who have them ...even if disguised often... just think... someone had patience and love for you ... however, you are right about the way they act sometimes, these are children in search of identity, and parents are there to guide them... often we forget that..

p. s. i found this source fot you... look it up http://www.members.tripod.com/susanlevine0/id64.htm
it will answer some of your questions, I think