My 7 year old cries evey time he doesnt get his way! Hes too old for this and Im not sure how to react!?

Question

When I ask him to tie his shoes or pick up his room, he puts his head down and cries. When he wants so eat chips instead of dinner he cries. When we are at the store and I tell him no he cries. He just seems to be too old for this behavior in my eyes. This makes me feel so bad as a mother sometimes. I dont always say no, and I dont force him to eat everything on his plate but if it isn't his way exactly he really cries tears! Even when I dont give in, after a while he'll calm down on his own and act as nothing happened....I dont know how to react sometimes....Is he crying just to have his way or put on a show or is he really upset? I guess I dont know if this is a stage hes going through and I should just go with the flow or if I should take it more seriously. Please help!

Answer 1

You have to be firm with him. If you keep giving into him, it encourages that kind of unwanted behaviour.

Next time he acts up, set the rule out clearly. Tell him if he doesn't do what he is told, his punishment will be X (taking away a favorite toy, tv, or putting him in time our for example).

When he doesn't do what is requested within a timely manner, do what you said you are going to to do, and don't back down.

My daughter used to act up when we went to the grocery store, demanding that we buy her certain treats. I got so fed up, I told her that is she didn't stop and act correctly we would go home. Of course she didn't stop, so I left my basket (full of groceries) where it was and took her home and had my husband go shopping for me later. She learned after 2-3 times that I was serious and I haven't had a problem with her ever since. I've applied this into other areas as well with both my daughter and son and have had wonderful results.

The important thing is to do what you say you are going to do, don't back down, and be consistant!

Answer 2

You need to choose your rules carefully so you're not saying no to everything, then be consistent, and ignore the crying. Don't let him see you sweat, fret, or be otherwise affected by his crying. If the crying makes you give in to his request, then he's only learned that if he's not getting what he wants, he's not crying enough.

Some kids are overly emotional and for some, it can be a sign of emotional disturbance, but you'd have to rule out him using it as a controlling behavior to manipulate you first. If, after several months of not giving in, not showing emotion (positive or negative) to the crying, not responding to it with anything except a calm voice "I can see you're upset, but the decision has been made" or "I can see you're upset, but the answer is still no", this is STILL a problem, then you could always have him screened/seen by a professional (Licensed Clinical Social Worker) or by a Learning and Behaviors Clinic at a local children's hospital.

Consider if there have been any major changes in his life, like a move, divorce, childcare situation change, anyone moving into or out of the home, new baby, death, etc. These things can also make children stressed and tearful over the least little thing.

Answer 3

I read books on this and i suggest this to you. When a child turns two, he should know NO by heart, and your child may have learned to cry and youll give him his way, even if youve only done that a couple times. He is 7 and he is not going through a stage or should not be. So the best thing to do in this situation is to say no once, and send the child to his room for about an hour. Tell him the time out is always an hour, or make a time limit. use time outs, and other than that, ignore the bad behavior and reward the good.

Answer 4

I will start by saying that I have a 7 year old son myself. It is normal for some kids to react that way. In my opinion it is his way of trying to get you to give in and do things for him. If the father of the child is giving in and your not then that could be the problem right there in a nut shell. You both have to be on the same page and support each other in the decisions that you come up with on how to raise your son. Your son may feel that he is not getting enough attention also. I suggest that you make sure that you explain to him why he is not getting what he wants and maybe give him an option as to maybe having some chips or cookies after he has finished his dinner. Hope this helped a little bit. You should not feel bad as a mother either. You are trying to give your son the best that you can the best you know how. Be patient and consistent with your choices and I am sure that things will get better..Good Luck!

Answer 5

Sounds like he is using crying to get his way. You aren't a bad mother. Children use alot of ways to gain control. I would set a new rule in your house. Explain to him that when he cries, he will lose a privilege. Pick something that really matters to him if he loses it. Explain that it is okay to feel sad sometimes but it is not okay to have a crying meltdown when he needs to do chores or can't have his way. Give him a warning so he can predict the outcome and always follow through. Make sure he gets extra love and attention when he is behaving good. Catch him acting like a big boy and use praise. Make a chart and check off the times he is able to control himself in certain situations. You can explain how great he acts by saying "Mommy was so proud you picked up your toys and didn't cry." He just needs more coaching to manage his emotions. It could also be a sign of a larger problem. Did some big changes happen in his life lately? Check below, it will really help. Good luck.

Answer 6

Lots of things could be going on. He may have a really sensitive nature and be picking up on some emotion in your voice when you ask him to do things. He may be picking up your insecurity ("makes me feel so bad as a mother") and be pushing to see how far he can go. The main thing is to be firm in what you tell him. Don't give in about reasonable requests or decisions, but try not to make unreasonable ones either. In other words, he should not be allowed to leave his stuff all over the place, but if he wants to take out a project and leave it up until it is finished, that should be ok.

What he wants from you, what most children want, is a parent who creates a safe, loving environment. With that goes responsibility. You are not his pal, so you will have to say no to things. He should know that it is ok to be sad about it, but that he has other alternatives than to cry.

If the crying continues, you might have him checked out by a physician just to make sure nothing is physically wrong with him. Even young children are subject to depression, and that is not to be ignored as if it were a "stage" because it could be serious.

Answer 7

This is a hard problem to solve as a parent because we hate to see our children cry but as a parent of 4,I have been through this same thing.I have a 9 yr old that was just like this and i discussed it with my doctor.No medical treatment was needed.Now the hard part is the way to treat the problem.When it comes time to eat,put a plate of food in front of them,when they through a fit,then let them.Ignore it for a couple of minutes then remove the food and wrap it up for later and do not give the child nothing else.No snacks or anything.If theysay they are hungry later,then take out the plate of food and give it to them.When the child has done something good,even a little thing then reward him with something small.I buy peanut m & m's and when mine do something good,they get 5 m& m's and I alternate it with other things.This teaches them that they get rewarded for doing good.When in the store,I remind them of the reward they get when we get home and they usually act pretty good.I always say no if they ask for something in the stor but I occasionally get them what they want without them knowing and the item is one of their rewards unless it is a big item and then it is a reward for doing something exceptionally good.I figured out over about 6 months that this was their way of testing me and sometimes they could act it pretty good with tears and all.

good luck

Answer 8

He seems to be crying to get you to do something......sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't from what you are saying. And if it doesn't work he calms down on his own.
What you need to do is to be consistent with him which I don't see you doing here because sometimes you are giving into his crying which is making him confussed...so he will try it every time just to see what happens.
You need to start a consisent behaviour with him and stick with it. If you say no at the very beginning - like at the store.... No honey you can't have that toy. Stick to your guns even if he does cry. If you have decided before you leave for the store that he can pick out one special treat then stick with the plan and thats it and remind him of that. Once he gets the idea that you are not going to give into his crying anymore maybe you will find he will start to stop using it. Its hard on us parents but its harder on them if they get mixed messages from us in the way - that this time you can have it (if I cry) and next time you can't. Hopefully this has helped - just trying to go by what you wrote. Good luck and most of all - show your love for him.

Answer 9

Yes, he is upset of course he is. But guess what he'll get through it. I know it is hard to look the other way and ignore him when he is pitching a fit especially when you are out. I know from experience sometimes it is easier just to give in. But it really is not helping he might get quite but it didn't prove your point just his. A point system works for my children, when we go out and they behave when we get home they get a point, eating their meals, not fighting and bedtime duties get points. If they misbehave they will lose points. Then at the end of the week the get a treat. Pick their favorite ice cream, or place to eat, help with dinner, these are big deals for children. Stick to it I guarantee he probably doesn't do that at school. Let him know your not playing anymore. You can do it!!!!!!!!

Answer 10

Remind him who is boss. Your the parent, he is the kid. If he acts up spank him don't do the time out crap it does not work. Let him cry he need to learn that life does not revolve around him and that he cannot always get what he wants. Teach him that crying is not a way to go about getting what he wants. Ignore him, if he throws a tantrum in a store threaten to leave him there, walk out of the store and go to the car. Most of the time they will follow you out then when they are out drag them if you have to the car. Don't put up with their crap cause once you do it they will they they can get away with it every time. Sorry but that is the honest truth. Parents these days don't know how to discipline their kids

Answer 11

he is trying to manipulate u to have his way, he knows exactly what he's doing. each time u stop him from doing something, give him a reason why he shouldn't do it. and if he begins to cry punish him-u could do so by telling him something like 'since u are crying bcos i told u to... which is not right u will have to go to ur room and stay there until u stop crying and promise me u would not repeat this kind of behaviour again. OR u will not watch the television for the rest of today. And most of all pray earnestly for him. He is probably used to having his way but, he's got to change cos it'll do him no good.