HELP Petaphiles, Victims or Professionals in this field?

Question

My 46 year old lonely, childless brother in law, unempl, lives with parents, pays a lot of attention to my daughter. Always offers to babysit, pick up from daycare, offers camp overs alone. Other people have noticed him lovingly gazing at her. I told him he was not allowed to pick her up or have camp overs bc I feel uncomfortabe. After confronting him, mother in law called & told me he said I would not let her spend the night because of issues with the neighbors which was never mentioned. He has not told my husband about our conversation, odd because they speak to each other frequently. Cookout @ their house/Tues. Recently called to inquire about her whereabouts. What is his next move now that he knows I'm suspicious? Will he leave the situation alone or contemplate his next move? Help!

She is not allowed to be around him alone, I have already spoken to her in great detail about this. I just wanted to know from a petaphiles point of view, what would your next move be? Would you continue to pursue trying to be alone with her or would you leave the situation alone? I reseached profiles of petaphiles and beleive he was in the grooming stage. Since he knows I'm suspicious of his requests/behaviors is this more of a challenge for him. Again, what might his next move be?

Answer 1

Talk to your husband and then talk to your daughter.
Have both of you explain appropriate and inappropriate touching.
Be careful how you question her.Children when they are abused feel like they are in the wrong when questioned or they could be hurt by the one that's it hurting them.
Check in w/ local police station and ask for sex offenders in your area, just to see if this guys has a dark past and the family is covering it up. (Optional, but a good idea)
Above all comumincate w/ your hubby!! Tell him all your fears in a non threating or accusing way. Explain your concern and just remind him it's his daughter too. Alert the family too of your suspicions. A mother's intuition about this kind of thing is almost never wrong.
The man has the tell tale signs of a petiphile. If not your daughter then maybe someday another innocent girl.

Every 8 out of 10 girls, ages 17 and below are harmed by someone in thier family or someone they or the family knows.

Answer 2

He will not leave the situation alone. They never do. This is coming from someone that is a victim. My best advice is to tell your husband everything. Lay it all out on the table. After you have done this, you and your husband need to come up with a way of keeping him away from her. Although you have made it harder on his to make his move, every minute of everyday he will be thinking of a way around you. Make sure you have left strict instructions at her school that only you or your husband may pick her up. Have your husband explain to his mother the reasons why you both do not want him around her. If things keep progressing, in which i hope the do not, think about having a restraining order against him, or staying away from in all together. Good Luck and I hope he stops.

Answer 3

As a mother of 4 here talking, you can't be too careful. Make sure to have a talk with you daughter about appropriate/inappropriate touching, and to come to you if anyone ever breaks those rules.

Set Family rules about no staying overnight, etc. Come out with the brother and say, "Hey, I just don't know if it would look right I don't want people talking." If he is just a caring uncle, he would understand. If he is looking for something else, he would put up a fight.

Answer 4

Pedophiles often groom their victims and there is a progression to their behavior. Often they start out giving hugs, kisses etc. that seem appropriate but are uncomfortable for the victim. They can also secure "secrecy" in harmless ways and then begin to force secrecy once the behavior is more explicit. For example, the pedophile may tell your child not to tell you about a toy they have given them by claiming it is "our little secret" then once a sexual behavior has occurred, they use this same tactic. They may bribe or threaten their victim in order to keep their behavior a secret. Generally, once a pedophile has offended, they continue to offend even after treatment. Go with your gut -- I wouldn't let your brother have unsupervised access to your daughter and I would be upfront in telling him why. He will likely think this is unfair, but these are the consequences of his choices.

Answer 5

I think you may want to have him checked out. Where he hangs out and so on. Always trust your intuition. 46 and living with mom and dad is kind of odd. There is some much I don't know but from what you have written I think I would feel the same way. I really think you need to talk to your husband tonight. If you put off the discussion and his mom or brother gets to him first real problems be coming your way.
Good luck.

Answer 6

If he continues to try to see your daughter despite your objections, then you should confront him in front of his family. Make sure everyone is aware of your discomfort, and your objections to seeing your daughter. Whether they agree or not, listen to your instincts. Just like we tell our children, if you think something feels wrong - it probably is.
If he continues, after you have brought this up to his family - then get the authorities involved. You can file a restraining order against him - that way you will make it a legal affair, and now the police can get involved. Remember, the police can't arrest him on your suspicions, but they can if he violates a restraining order. Inmates LOVE pedaphiles.

Answer 7

Sweetie, keep your daughter away from him, he could very well be a pedophile. These are your warning signs dear, take them as that. Good luck with the family thing, because families of pedophiles will defend them to the end, mainly because they don't want to believe their family would do such a thing. You should sit down with your daughter and teach the bad touch good touch thing, and ask her if someone has touched her inappropriately. In this sick day in age, we have to teach our children at a younger age, so that these sickos can't harm our children.

Answer 8

you may be right he may be considering your daughter in an unhealthy manner, or he may just be feeling his parenting side coming out as you say he is 46 single and unemployed.
he lives with your parents right?
get a couple of spy cameras installed at your parents in any areas where you feel he may abuse your daughter, be watching secretly and record the video. at the first signs of anything in appropriate you charge in and get your daughter before he has a chance to touch her. then show the tapes to the local police and have him charged and maybe sent to a facility to try and help him overcome the urge.

but like i say he could just be the adouring uncle who is jealous that you have a daughter and he is single and childless.and he is using your daughter to fulfil his desire to be a parent.

I'm no expert in the area, i'm a single 32 yearold guy with no kids of my own who would risk death to help any child in distress.

I hope my laymens thoughts help a little.
you need to realy contact the child protection team or what ever they callit in your area for there proffessional advice.
good luck and i hope your suspicions are unfounded.

Answer 9

I believe you should tell him that if he doesn't leave her alone then you will call the police and if he continues then actually call them and have him charged with harrassment and indangerment to a minor and if you can prove the other things that too good luck

Answer 10

The most important thing is to talk to your daughter and make sure nothing has happened yet, and then educate her....

It's just as important to tell your husband about what you think's been going on.....