I'm having 2nd thoughts about my wedding!?

Question

I only have 5 days left until my wedding and I think I want to back out.

I have been racked with doubt and a feeling of uneasiness for the past month. At first I thought it might simply be a case of cold feet that would go away but now I think there maybe other more fundamental issues that haven't been resolved yet.

Mainly which country to live in and when to have children. We both seem to be unwilling to compromise. I'm wondering if these are the reasons I am so upset at night.

My friends & family and her friends & family all have their flight tickets, their bags backed, (some are in the air as I type) Meanwhile the hotels, church, caterers, planners, reception etc. has all been prepared and I really feel a strong sense of responsibility to go through with this wedding.

I feel awful considering calling it off but I’m not sure I can go through with it.

How can I tell if my marriage worries are simply cold feet or an instinctual intuition of something I shouldn't do?

Something feels wrong even though she is almost perfect.

Any helpful and intelligent suggestions would be very appreciated.

Answer 1

A successful relationship requires compromise and communication. Maybe the two of you should try talking this over, now. When to have children is not a huge deal, as long as you both agree that you want them. You should never have kids right away anyway, you need to enjoy the marriage and each other first. Where to live, though, is a huge decision. If you guys don't agree on that, then the two of you may end up living in different countries after the wedding. You guys have to talk now and see if you can reach a compromise.
I also just read some of your previous questions. You have all ready said that you don't love her that way anymore. Don't marry someone that you're not in love with. You're hurting yourself and your fiance. You owe it to each other to find that person that you know in your heart you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Answer 2

Have you talked to her about this? If not, then you really need too. You never know, she might feel the same way that you do. And, even if she doesn't, she still deserves to know that you are having second thoughts. Cold feet are usually right before the wedding, but you've been debating this for the past month, so maybe you really don't want to get married. It seemed nice at first but now you're scared. Maybe you need to date a while longer and then see how you feel. Or, if you're not in love with her anymore but feel like you have to get married anyways because everything is already set, then it's not worth it. You don't want to be with someone the rest of your life knowing that you don't love them, and she doesn't deserve that either. But, still talk to her about it. I hope everything works out for the best for the both you. Best wishs and good luck.

Answer 3

How are you going to feel after you have married and it is time to discuss the things that you are wrestling with now. Will it be easier or harder. Doubts do come up for a reason, and it is your responsibility alone to determine if they are valid or not. Please realize, that when she wakes up in the morning you will be the one that has to love, honor, and cherish her all the days of your life. Or that is until it ends horribly because you can't take it anymore. Will it be more painful for her and all the family to hear it now or later? And what about when you both have kids. Will they grow up with a father that has checked out emotionally, because he does not love their mother (or is angry at her for forcing him into this relationship), and will they grow up in the middle of a loveless relationship?

Your responsibility right now, is not to please her or your family. Your primary responsibility is to determine if this woman is the person that you want to join you life to in an inseperable way. Once you join your life to someone, you can divorce them but it is painful. Marriage is not to be entered into lightly.

A few more questions though: Is this woman your friend? Do you trust her to do right by you if you all encounter a bad situation? Does she hold the best interests for you, or does she just want to get married? (If you answered no to these questions or you just don't know, you both need to sit down and talk).

My heart goes out to you though. Although the decision is hard, you much remember that, you are strong enough to make the decision that is best for you. You are worth it, you don't deserve to suffer though a wrong relationship because of other peoples expectations. Because honestly, no matter what you do there will be a lifetime of those to wrestle with.

s3grace

Answer 4

Set some priorities. Are you unwilling to give up where you want to live to make her happy? What about when to have children? Is it so important to you that you would consider calling off a marriage? If so, DO IT NOW. It will be rough, and lots of people will be mad, but you already know that. You do NOT want to get married and be miserable, then have to go through a yucky divorce. Take a night by yourself, and go on a walk. Go to a movie. Do something to clear your head so you can think. When you come back, I hope you have some answers. Good luck, man.

Answer 5

A marriage is not 50-50. Each of you have to give 100% for a marriage to work, and there is always going to be times when you have to compromise for the good of the marriage.

If you are not 100% sure about the marriage, DO NOT DO IT.

Dont worry about how much has been spent, and how many people are flying in for the wedding, if you are not totally sure about the marriage, do not get married.

Answer 6

I'm a women and I felt sick the day of my wedding. I thought I was making the biggest mix take in my life. I was the one who pushed for us to get married. I was wrong. I'm happier now and everything is going fine. It is probably cold feet. Cause I'm telling you I felt just like you. You should of got the one issue decided on before you got engaged. But.... It is nothing you can't work through. Search you thoughts about her. What would you do without her. Cause you will probably lose her if you back out now. That is what I asked myself. I didn't want to loose my really soon to be husband. I was shaking so bad at the church and I looked like I was going to cry. But afterward it I felt a big relief. It is cold feet man. Don't let your perfect woman go.

Answer 7

I'm just suggesting this because no one else has, but you could always go thru with it and get it annulled later. I can understand how you feel about having a responsibility to all those people who are coming.

I wonder what would make you feel better? Just knowing where you're going to live and when to have kids? These issues can be resolved, it's not like one of you wants to have kids and the other doesn't. Makes me wonder if there's something else there.

Answer 8

do not go through with this if you are not 100% sure. I was at a wedding two weeks ago where the groom said he was positive they would be getting a divorce--who cares that everything is in motion. Make sure this is something you really want to do
everyone will understand-i promise. i would rather be embarassed now and not have to go through a messy divorce...

Answer 9

Any relationship is about compromise and give and take. If you have that many doubts, I say don't do it. Do you want to be apart of the every growing divorce rate.

Answer 10

Talk to your fiance and tell them you have to get these things comprimised. If you cannot those are major issues. You have to comprimise too not just your fiance. Marriage is about give and take. Forget the families they dont have to live with you.