I need your opinion if you have children...?

Question

My son is five. Sixth months ago my brother, his uncle passed away. My son seems to go back and forth. Sometimes he'll mention it and sometimes he will go for weeks without saying anything about it. Me and him do talk alot, we have a very open relationship. But lately he has become obssessed with death. Just asking me alot of questions. Like when is he going to die? How is he going to die? I talked to him so much after my brothers passing and now I am running out of things to say and he just keeps asking me and asking me. I told him to stop talking about dieing. So do you have any suggestions?

Answer 1

Be completely honest with him about what ever he asks you, even though it is extremely hard to do. He seems to be "obsessed" with the idea b/c this is a new subject to him and he needs/wants information about it.

Answer 2

He's scared. He lost someone at a very young age and doesn't understand. He's probably wondering how the natural order of things works. I'm sure you told him that most people/animals/ living things die of old age or illness. Explain to him that it's usually the former and that if you take care of yourself by eating right, exercising, going to the doctor you can live longer. Also explain that dieing doesn't have to be a bad thing. That you'll be missed, but remembered. He needs so much reassurance I think. If you think it's more then that take him to a professional so he can talk.

Answer 3

Well, My son was five when my husband died and we went through the same thing. Tell him that God will take him when it's time. No one else knows when people die; only God. ( or, whomever you believe in) That worked for us. Just keep answering and reassuring; it'll pass, I promise. And, yes, one answerer said that the wrong thing to do is to tell him to stop asking about it. Believe me, I know what you're going through. It's hard because you miss him too. Go through it together. I don't know what I would've done without my little boy. This happened while we were all young. So, we went through it together. Honesty is best. Goodluck, and if you want to IM me, feel free anytime.:)

Answer 4

I wouldn't tell him to stop talking about it, he must need to talk or he wouldn't. Have you tried giving him a "substitute" uncle? A stuffed animal or some such thing. My cousin recently died and her daughther thinks that the bird in the nest outside their home is her mother. She talks to the bird all the time. She stands under the tree and tells her about school and her friends ect...She is only 3 1/2 but she seems to be taking it much better than her brother who has no outlet. I'm not saying you should tell him that the replacement item is his uncle but maybe that he could tell his secrets or sadness to the repacement.

Good Luck I know this is tough!

Answer 5

I'm afraid you've opened the proverbial "Pandora's Box"!!! A five year old is not a good age to have "discussion" with about death. You should not dismiss, or tell him to stop talking about it. That will only serve to intensify his curiosity, and his emotionality about death. Now, you're going to have to be very unattached, and emotionless when answering his questions.
It sounds as though you might be having a tough time with grief over the loss of your brother. Why not engage in grief therapy at your local Community Mental Health Center. Good luck to you!!!

Answer 6

I remember when my daughter learned that Santa was not real, she trusted me to tell her the truth and felt that I had lied to her, eventually she understood why, but still the betrayal weighs heavily on me. Luckily, even though I (and my wife) presented God as being absolutely true, she realized, long before I did, that no gods were real. I firmly support giving children the mental tools to learn, critically evaluate information and to rationally make good decisions based on the full extent of their knowledge, while retaining the ability to evaluate new information. If this leads them to look at any god or all gods as myths, then that is the choice that they make based on the best information and thought that they have, rather than just believing because they trust what I/we say.

Answer 7

let him talk this out. the more information he has about it the more secure he will become with the situation. preventing him from expressing his feelings about death will make him think there is something that you are hiding. although it is a bit morbid, it is part of being a child. dont you remember be obsessed with different things in your childhood. eventually if he realizes there is nothing to be scared of and that it is okay to talk about it he will stop talking about it and move onto the newest craze in his young little life. it is as the say, this too shall pass..

Answer 8

Well .. telling him to stop talking about it is the exact wrong thing. He is obviously having some issues with this (a perfectly natural thing) and forcing him to internalize it will do nothing but harm. Just because you are running out of things to say doesn't mean you should stop talking .... as a parent of a five year old I am sure you are VERY used to repeating yourself. ;-)

Answer 9

I'm guessing your son is talking about it so much because he is scared you might die. I remember when my grandma died I went sleep at a friends house a few weeks later and I ended up comming back home that night because I was scared my mom was going to die and I was not home with her. I would reassure him as much as possible that his mommy isn't going anywere. And people die when its there time to die and no one knows but God so we must enjoy every day we are together.

Answer 10

My daughter was four when her great nan passed away and for weeks she would talk about death and when we used to pass by her old bungalow she would say that she is still there she was obsessed with death as soon as she seen an ambulance someone was dead but she eventually stopped saying anything only now and again will she mention her they forget so quick but its nice for them to keep their memories. just answer what you can when he asks that all you can do .

Answer 11

i would be honest with him and tell him that everyone dies some day... but he will not die for a LONG time, as he is only very young..

i would be open and honest with the conversation, and eventually he will stop thinking about it...

i hope that is helpful, and i am sorry for the loss of your brother

oh, and there might be some kind of helpful story book for kids that explains death in a way that they will understand