She's younger than me, and is a bit controlling. Her father used to be super rigid and controlling, and I think she takes that out on me. She is too defensive, and we can't communicate. Whenever we have an argument, she will not talk and rather plays games to aggrivate me, for example, runs to get advice from a girl that I used to date who is now her friend. I am a PhD student and she is an undergrad, and it is affecting my examinations. We are from the same culture so we have a lot in common and I like her affection and her nurturing, but she is really getting to me and I am beginning to get really pissed off. HELP!!
2006-07-02 09:15:21 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
IT'S APPARENT THAT SHE ISN'T HAPPY OR SATISFIED WITH HERSELF PLAYAH. THINGS N HER FAMILY LIFE HAS MADE AN IMPACT ON HER AND THE FACT THAT YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS FRIENDS WITH YOUR EX AND NOE E'RYTHANG U DID WITH THA EX IS NOT GOOD EITHER. BECAUSE SHE WILL COMPARE EVERY CHANCE SHE GETS. I NOE U MAY LOVE HER BUT YOU EITHER NEED 2 LET HER NOE THAT YOUR RELATIONSHIP NEEDS HELP AND SHE NEEDS TO GO 2 A PSYCHOLOGIST IF SHE WANTS TO BE WITH YOU. BECAUSE WHAT WILL HAPPEN IS HER NEGATIVITY WILL TAKE A TOLL ON YOU WHICH LOOKS LYKE IT ALREADY IS BUT THIS CAN DESTROY YOU, YOUR FEELINGS AND THE RELATIONSHIP AND IF YOU LOVE HER YOU DON'T REALLY WANT 2 DO THAT BEFORE YOU GET HELP IN THE RELATIONSHIP.
2006-07-02 09:29:28 · answer #1 · answered by KARMA R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you need to communicate all this to her. Let her know that there is a limit to how much you are willing to put up with in a relationship.
If she's defensive that probably means she knows that what she is doing is not right. If she cannot control herself, then it's a bit of a problem. then you need to help her overcome this or at least realize that her behaviour hurts you and her and the relationship.
Be patient - it brings amazing results.
I have been married for less than a year but we live together for 2 years. I know I have tonnes of issues and when I look back I see how horrible I was. I am just so grateful to my husband that he persevered. Because it's so much better now.
2006-07-02 16:25:45 · answer #2 · answered by 123321m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to work on that communication issue, or part of what should be the foundation for your relationship will be missing...and nothing lasts long without a solid foundation.
She cannot control you, if you don't allow it...sit down and talk to her and tell her how you feel...let her know this is a potential deal-breaker issue and although you care for her, that being in a relationship should be a pleasureable experience, not a chore or exercise in aggravation.
It may simply be that the two of you are not a good match, but if you care for her do try to talk to her about your issues. It may help.
2006-07-02 16:21:02 · answer #3 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She was raised in an environment where control = power... this is something she will always have an issue with.
You have to decide if her positive qualities outshine her negative ones... AND if her negative ones are things you can deal with and accept...
You didn't mention how long you were together.. she seems pretty immature (which is prob. due to her age).... you can be patient and hope she changes for the better, you can sit her down and tell her exactly how you feel about how she acts when you argue and how you won't accept it anymore.. or you can break it off and try to find someone who is more like you.
All the choices are tough, and come with a risk.. but hey.. with no risk, there is no reward
2006-07-02 16:19:58 · answer #4 · answered by UCFgrl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me that she is very immature. She sounds vendictive too, running to the ex for advice. You can always find someone else that you mesh with in the same culture, she is not the only one out there for you. If you have talked to her about this, and you explained to her that it pisses you off, and she hasn't stopped, I would break it off with her. Believe me, there are sooooo many women out there who need a good guy and will try hard to make him happy. Good luck.
2006-07-02 16:21:36 · answer #5 · answered by Jinx 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit her down and discuss the fact that you are having a problem. If she doesnt want to try and make it work then she apparently does not have the same idea of your relationship as you do. If you can't compromise it might be better to just break it off.
2006-07-02 16:18:22 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being from the same culture doesn't mean that you have alot in common. Tell her how you feel...Don't accuse her of anything; use "I" sentences. Communication is the key to all relationships. If she refuses to atleast meet you half way, then leave her. Apparently you aren't happy with her.
2006-07-02 16:22:47 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get rid of her. The energy between the two of you has gone south and you do not need to be playing head games while you are studying for the rest of your life. Girls come and go, but your career must come first.
2006-07-02 16:18:51 · answer #8 · answered by Starla_C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if your not happy then leave. if you want to stay with her then let her know that the stuff she's been doing lately is pissing you off. dont be too harsh and make sure you point out her good qualities too so that she doesnt just think your jumping on her bad stuff and that she doesnt have any good qualities
2006-07-02 16:20:14 · answer #9 · answered by viennagirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Communication is essential. If you guys can no longer communicate on the same plane, you should move on.
2006-07-02 16:21:54 · answer #10 · answered by morgysan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋