Need Great Jokes?

Question

I need to know SUPER FUNNY JOKES.

Tell me them all. I need some

Answer 1

Who's the Boss?

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss.
The brain said, " I should be Boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions."
The feet said, " We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."
The hands said, " We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."
And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered.
Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the ****!
Moral of the story:
You don't need brains to be a Boss - any asshole will do

Job well done!

A man and woman were celebrating their 50 year anniversary. That night, the woman comes out of the bathroom completely naked and looks at her husband who is already in bed. She says, "Honey, 50 years ago tonight, when I came out of the bathroom with no clothes on, what were you thinking?"
He said, "I was thinking that I wanted to suck your titties dry and **** you until you couldn't think straight." She smiled at him and said, "So what are you thinking now?"
He said, "I think I did a pretty good job!"

Answer 2

14 Signs Your Online Relationship Isn't Working Out


14) You discover that "Chesty McBust" isn't her real name, and she's dialing in from Langley, VA.

13) You: Large, hairy man. Your online girlfriend: Large, hairy man.

12) Her postmaster rejects your e-mail not as "undeliverable" but as "unlikely to get you anywhere."

11) After months of shared experiences and emotional investments, she attacks you in the Mines of Quarn with a Vorpal Sword when she
learns you're worth 45,000 points.

10) "Returned mail: User unknown and never wants to hear from you again."

9) Your cyber-lover is just too busy editing that silly little Top 5 List.

8) Getting perhaps a bit too comfortable, she lets a reference to cutting her chin shaving slip by.

7) You discover that she has been cutting and pasting her orgasms.

6) You can barely make out your S. L.'s face in the JPEG she sent because she's obscured by her 25 cats.

5) He claims to be the richest man in the world, but his GIF looks like some geek who works for a software company.

4) Since her first e-mail, Make.Money.Fast!@cyber-promotions.com has become cold and distant.

3) She's suddenly changed her address to [e-mail]

2) Ken Starr launches an investigation into your relationship with the mysterious [e-mail]

1) In an ironic twist of fate, you discover that the object of your affection is a curvaceous 18 year old, rather than the geeky 14 year old boy she'd pretended to be

Answer 3

A lady walks into this diner sits at the luncheonette counter and orders a hamburger.
The huge woman behind the counter bellows,
"One burger!"
Ed the cook, who's even bigger and more disgusting, screams,
"Bur-ger!",

Whereupon he grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it in his bare armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat, and then tosses it on the grill.
The lady says,
"That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen."
The waitress replies,
"Oh yeah? That's nothing. You should be here in the morning when he makes the DOUGHNUTS."

Answer 4

a brunette was sitting on a bench reciting the number 88 over and over again. "88....88....88..." then a blonde walks by and asks "what are you doing?" the brunette says "counting. why don't you join me?" the blonde says "ok." so after a while sitting on a bench reciting 88 over and over again, the brunette says "i think counting would be more fun if we did it in the middle of the street." the blonde agrees "let's go." so they're sitting in the middle of the street "88...88...88...88......." SPLAT! the brunette walks back to the bench now reciting now "89......89.....89.....89......."

Answer 5

a man walked into a bar. The second man ducked.

Answer 6

i suk at telling jokes sorry

Answer 7

q.did you hearabout the kerryman that got the penis transplant. a.his hand rejected it.

Answer 8

u so ugly when u walked passed the bathroom the toilet flushed
lol and thanks 4 2 points

Answer 9

how super?

Answer 10

stop this ****