i have a fear of spending the rest of my life alone, but i dont just want anybody either?

Question

hi im 29,i have had mental health difficulties that ive had since 15. i have no self worth and struggle with it. i have been refered for therapy. but you see i feel trapped, trapped by my own dependancy on the health services, because i no i cant just get up and move away, because i need their help, and i dont feel self sufficiant right now. i struggle with inner rage which im trying to get help for. my moods are low constantley, i live in an area where theres a big antisocial problem with gangs of youths, so im trying to get out. but most of all it mortifies me to think nobody if they really new my circumstances, like a girl for instance wouldnt find me attractive, i dont have any self worth, i dont have alot of materialism because im on welfare. and i truly dispair sometimes to think i have nothing to offer anyone, i no i dont wanna give up. i speak to a lovely girl in canada that ive spoke to for 12 months on net. but if she really new the reallity of my circumstances.shed be gone

Answer 1

go and try to get a p.u.s.s.y...one that meows....

Answer 2

You sound Like I did when I was your age. I can't speak for you ,but for me I was a late bloomer. I did not meet that someone special until I was36 years old and had gone through a lot of therapy. I mean a LOT of therapy. You see I had a little problem with my self esteem and mood swings rage and the likes.But I did what they told me and somewhere along the way I got to feeling good about myself.I came to believe that just by being alive that I am worthy and I do matter. Then I met this incredible guy and we have been together for 15 years and married for 9 years.So don't give up. God don't make junk.

Answer 3

I know it sucks to feel so dependent on other people. If you don't use the help that is available then you will never get to the point where you can be self sufficient. Keep up with your therapy. It will get better at some point. Once it does you may be able to better your financial situation. You do have something to offer this girl; your personality. She obviously would not still be talking to you after a whole year if there wasn't something she liked about you. Don't just assume that she will go away if you tell her about your situation. Whatever you do, do give up. Keep working at it and things will get better!

Answer 4

Your problem could be that your confused on what your really want. Do you want to be alone or be with someone? You can do both, be with someone and be alone. But you should really make up your mind. You could try moving to another environment or something. Or just don't be there a lot. You should try counseling or just talking to someone. If you think that telling the girl of your reality that she'll be gone. If that's the truth, even though that's your assumption. If it is the truth, than she's not worth it. You should be able to tell her anything without her not wanting to talk to you anymore. Don't be quick to assume! You seem to be very insecure about yourself and should try looking into a mirror and saying positive things about yourself. Don't think about your financial place, it's like that for a reason. Doesn't mean that it'll stay that way.

Answer 5

Do you judge people on whether or not they have a lot of material possessions? On where they live? On whether they are ill or not? Would you turn against someone for knowing they were experiencing mental health issues? If the answer is no, and my instinct tells me you probably wouldn't, why do you think everyone else would? A lovely girl won't turn her back on you...but you don't know each other properly either - talking on line is not like knowing someone face to face - a nice support for you, and I'm glad you've got her, but don't rely on her to get you through...
Sometimes, life is just a series of bravery tests. I feel for you, I really do. Have you had therapy yet? If not, before you start, it would be useful to try to get an idea of what you want to get out of it - is it to address the inner rage, the low self-esteem - or to draw a line under what's gone before? None of us can change the past, but it's choices, not chances that determine our lives. You obviously have something to offer - keep doing that, and be brave - pretend the other things. Pretend to be confident, pretend you think you're the bee's knees, pretend you're god's gift to women. It's hard initially, but gets easier. And don't be too proud to lean on people, and be honest with them.
Good luck sweetie - I'm sure there's a lot of us out here rooting for you. X

Answer 6

I am sorry but you must learn to love yourself before you can love someone else. You say you don't want to be alone but you also don't want anybody either. I think this means that you believe you have nothing to offer. In todays world there are alot of people on welfare. There are all alot of people not working. It's not that we want to be on welfare or we don't want to work it's because there are too many people and not enough work out there. Some of us work and are still on welfare. It's just the way it is. I know it sucks and it's an overwhelming feeling of depression, anger, frustration all coming in at once like a freight train.

You need to find a way to build up that self esteem and have some kind of motavation not to give up everything. I am older, I am on welfare, I work but only because my Dad put me to work. I still don't make enough money to pay all my bills. This is extremely depressing. I applied to go back to college to get a degree in hopes of a better life. (money wise) Going to school has lifted my self esteem. School is also a motavation to get off the system.

I don't pay for my schooling I get funding from the govt. You could do this also the web site is www.http://fafsa.ed.gov

If your receiving mental health from social services I believe they can direct you on how to go to school.

School isn't easy and it will be frustrating but it is a good frustration when you pass the class. I would start off with one class just to get a feel on school and studying. To much could become self defeating.

When you start feeling better about yourself you will realise that offering your mind and personality is more important than money. Now I am not saying make school a career and don't ever get a job.

Some women will be happy with a person who is trying to better themselves. It's not always about the money. It's the motavation one has and the personality. Nobody wants to be around a depressed angry person for to long. So get yourself out of this rut and start working on that self esteem so you can find the love of your life.

I wish you all the good luck

Answer 7

I realize you have been getting help for some time, but have you found yourself getting better? Is it possible to get the help you need? I mean not everyone in the health field are good at their chosen professions. The best help is going to come from someone you have great rapport with. Fixing yourself isn't working. Needing help may not be acceptable to others until of course it happens to them or someone they love. You don't have to dump your whole life story to a stranger in Canada. Enjoy what you have now and get help so that you can share your life with someone else. Small steps. Don't give up. Get up. As time goes by, there will be others entering your life; some good, some bad. Get the help you deserve. No one should suffer like you have. You are worth it, but your state of mind will prevent you to even see that. My thoughts are with you.

Answer 8

Talking with people online is much easier sometimes then forming relationships in person. But, in relationships, online or otherwise, you have to take risks. You said the girl in Canada you speak with does not know a lot about your life struggles, perhaps you could start telling her a little bit about yourself. Friends are there to give support ant receive it and your relationship might be more fulfilling for both of you if you start to seek the support you need in your relationship with her. You don't have to start with all of the major details, but test the water. It may help you gain the confidence that you need to live your life more fully.

Answer 9

Seems rather obvious.... when you talk to your gal in Canada, you don't talk about your problem.. and you get along fine...for at least a year now. In that statement you have given yourself an answer.. examine it and see if it doesn't make sense to you.. Than apply the same principle to yourself and see what changes come about.

Answer 10

maybe u are a "asexual" but still in need of getting some friends for human companionship....
or try new therapy

Answer 11

Seems to me you have to make a decision one way or another. You either want someone in your life or you don't.