How do I get my dad to stop emotionaly abusing me?

Question

I feel withdrawn and have a very low self esteem. I don't have many friends becus im depressed. I used to be sumwhat happy and I had several friends.

My mom died and I'm extremely sad.

And any time I try to explain to him how hes abusing me he does't understand how it's abuse.

Answer 1

tell your mum!

Answer 2

How old are you? If you are of age and capable, move out. If you are underage and have to stay with your dad, there is very little that you can do to change his behavior. You could tell him how you feel and let him know what effects he has on you--but this could possibly worsen the situation, as emotional abusers aren't too keen, generally speaking, on getting feedback and cleaning up their act. Perhaps the best thing you can do is not take it personally. Know that if your dad is an abuser, that he would abuse whatever child he had. It's not about *you*; it's about him. You can do things to enhance your self-esteem, like try to make friends, get involved in some hobbies and extracurricular activities, get in shape (if you're not), since increased physical energy can help your outlook. Try to do things that keep you out of the house. And whenever your dad says something awful to you, just pretend you're holding up a mirror. Because the truth is that people who hurt people are people who are hurting themselves, and whatever crap your dad is sending your way is stuff that he is trying to get rid of. ... If you can, talk to a counselor or therapist, also. They can help you with depression. You might even want to see a doctor, to determine whether or not antidepressants would help you. Above all, though, try not to create your self-image based on what your dad sees in you. He is obviously not a good judge of character, and anybody who wants to knock you down is not a kind person. Therefore, don't let a bad judge determine how you see yourself. It's too bad that this is happening to you, but it's not your fault.

Answer 3

First start taking some class that you like (swimming, dancing, art, acting, language etc.) at least one. See what they're offering at one of those mega churches if there is one where you live. They have great classes and they're free. THIS NEXT ONE IS SOMETHING YOU MUST DO - Go ask to see the counselor at any church or ask your doctor to recommend a counselor who specializes in family therapy. What you need are coping skills and other people.
If you have other relatives it may be good for you to spend some time with them, especially if they live in other states. Get away from your dad if he won't stop abusing you. Emotional abuse is worse than physical because it can be done constantly without showing any marks. The marks are all invisible but they won't heal without help. They won't just go away after a few days and some bandaids.

Answer 4

This is a question that should be asked by everyone who faces problems like this. I majored in psychology while I attended Brown University. Although most will tell you, tell him how you feel, it is a much deeper issue than this. Persons who have the power to emotionally abuse don't generally give up the power. What you need to do is calmly approach your father and ask him about counseling opportunities. Nothing helps more than sitting down with a relations pyshcologist regarding your problems.

Because of your mother's death, your father may have fallen into what they call a social bypass. This causes him to feel badly about himself for a tragedy that happened to him in the past (this being your mother's death).

Your self esteem, although understandably effected by your fathers actions, should never be pierced by something that can be solved. Think about your actions, your approachment to your father, and other things that will ease his stress and sadness. You seem like a concerned young woman, and you shouldnt let this get to your head. Remeber, this problem can and will be solved.

He will not only help your father understand the problem he has but will give him tips on how to discontinue doing so. I would contact your nearest relations psychologist immediately.

Also, to spare yourself until you do contact a psychologist, try to be calm, quiet, and affectionate towards your father. He is probably concerned about his past, and any postivie reassurance toward his life will help.

Answer 5

Well, your father is probably depressed because of your mom's death, unless that was years ago or they were divorced/separated. You should go to family counseling. Talk to yuor school counselor once you go back to school, in the mean time you can talk to a friend or family member or even someone on Yahoo Answers that knows what you're going through. Give your dad some time, start hanging with him more and he'll grow to love you and accept you. See your doctor about Anti-depressants too ;) good luck and remember you are loved!

Answer 6

Ignore your dad. He's being abusive because he is insecure. You know in your heart what is right and what is wrong no matter what he says.

The reason why you don't have many friends is not because you are depressed, but because you don't trust anyone. Your dad betrayed your trust so you are less likely to trust anyone else. I don't blame you.

But you need to know that it's not your fault and only YOU can get yourself out of this rut. Dad is certainly not gonna help you. Stand up and tell yourself 'I'm better than this'! Don't let your Dad win.

You're a good person probably.

Answer 7

I'm sorry Ur mother died. Did this happen recently? Did Ur dad's behavior change after Ur mother died, or was it the same always? I don't know how he is hurting U.... perhaps ur dad is as lonely and in pain as U ur self. Pick a day when ur dad is in a calmer state of mind, tell him that U both need to talk. A dimmer light or no light might help if u are too timid. Tell him that U love him and that you will always be there for him. Tell him how unhappy U are, tell him how his words are hurting u.Tell him u want to be happy... for both of you! ask for his help,Be patient with him, but be firm..... take it off from there... Once in a while if not often, do some thing nice or thoughtful for ur dad! Try to pray and play together... If u are not used to it , it might be awkward at first , keep at it and you'll be better off for it. Do not endow ur dad with godly powers. he is just human, he cannot read ur mind
Do not cut ur self off from ur friends. No one wants to be unhappy. Instead of wanting ur friends to continuously share in ur sorrow and be unhappy with u, be happy with them. Ur mother would want that I AM SURE. ur dad is not ur enemy.
Now let us suppose that ur dad is going to continue as he is ....after the above efforts, you get a grip on ur own life!! Tell ur self that ur dad is perhaps a sad person with no will power. Without being rude to him, let his words enter through one ear and go out through the other! U have to MAKE ur own life. you owe that to yourself.
Take a step back and think... would ur life be better if ur dad weren't there too! (i'm sorry for the harsh words..) u don't know how lucky you are to have ur dad. I have lost both my parents.

Answer 8

Death of a loved one makes everyone sad and depressed. Your dad too may be going through an emotional crisis.

Best would be to amicably come together and discuss the loss and see how best the both of you could cope with this loss and make most of what's left.

I would also personally suggest you read scriptures and pray as I too in my past was depressed and did not know how to handle the situation or move ahead. I began reading the Bible and praying regularly. I gave me the confidence to move ahead and also gave me answers to may of my insecurities and doubts.

All the best.

Answer 9

I had an emotionally abusive father growing up also. At some point in your life you have to decide who you're living for, you or your dad. I understand loss also, in 8 years my sister,mother, and father all passed, but there is no reason for your father to mistreat you. Let him know how much it's hurting you and tell him to stop. After reading some of your other questions about bad relationships, I think it stems from the way your father treats you. He treats you like you have no worth , so you treat yourself the same way. Chin up, it gets better.

Answer 10

If you can get him to sit down and listen to you just once, explain to him exactly how you feel.Say to him the same as you did in the explanation of your Yahoo question. Let him know how demoralizing and humiliating his actions are. Explain that it would be such a nice thing if your relationship together would be one filled with love and affection rather than bitterness and ridicule. Let him know that you need to look to him for guidance, acceptance and love. Explain how you would like to feel proud and happy with him rather than hated and despised. Finalize by saying how you cannot continue to be treated in this awful manner and what a tragedy it is for father and daughter...flesh and blood to end up hating each other.
GOOD LUCK!

Answer 11

Get the best grades you possibly can at school -- acadmic achievement is your escape route from the concentration camp.

Never let your dad see that he's getting to you or making you angry.

Dawn is very far. This is an endurance contest and a test of your emotional discipline. You can make it out and have your own independent life. I did.