How do I redirect my 3 year old little girl??

Question

Not being bias, this child is an angel! She is tall and thin with skin that tans so well, and these huge doe eyes and light brown hair with golden ringlets down to the middle of her back. Everywhere we go, at least one person stops to say how beautiful she is. But there is another side. At home, she is a mini tornado! She leaves chaos and destruction in every room she enters! With the exception of her room. I mean, coloring on the walls, taking all the toilet paper off the rolls, flushing toys down the toilet, putting toys in the air vents! And her favorite; pouring any kind of liquid on the carpet. The brighter, the better! Then she'll look up at me with those eyes, and say "mommy, Im sorry", and my heart melts. We've tried time outs, early bedtimes, no dessert, pops on the hand, taking toys away, even sitting down and talking. NOTHING WORKS!
Spanking is not an option. She is just too precious, and if you ever heard her cry, you'd understand. Its wrenching!

Also, she guards her things like they're gold! Her clothes, jewelry, her Dora house, she even puts her jewelry in her jewelry box and clothes folded in her drawers! Her things? Don't even think about messing with them!

Wow! Some of you are really rude! You act as if I do nothing! I explained clearly, that I DO discipline her, i.e. timeouts, pops, taking toys away etc. Can't you read???
Btw, this is obviously not toward those really trying to help.

Again, please read my details! She is only this way at home. I can take her anywhere and she's perfect. A restaurant, the grocery store, the mall, a friends house. She's always respectful and acts like a little lady, when she's not home.

"MAMAb" Lets criticize mothers! Did yours teach you to be so ignorant? Im sure she would love to read your "pubic hair" questions! And you suggest that I grow up?! Ha! At least your ignorance comes with a sense of humor!

Answer 1

Try giving her a schedule. It seems she has alot of choices to make on her own. 3 years old is very young and hard for them to comprehend all the rules all the time; your daughter seems caught up in the moment. Can you imagine being 3 and being able to draw a beautiful picture on the wall!! She's just experiencing her environment. And since you have such a creative one, you have your hands full!!! lol!

If you have a schedule for certain toys at a specific time, then you will know what she's playing with and be able to keep an eye out for unwanted behavior. When she does something undesireable, you are very correct in redirecting her (for example if you are coloring together and she wants to color on the walls, you can redirect her and say, crayons are for paper - and if she's bored, you can put them away).

Also spend a little more time with her (I'm not insinuating that you don't) - it's just that I have a son (2yrs) and realized rather recently that when I spent more time with him during the day, his behavior went from "mini tornado" to "a mild monsoon" haha, much easier to handle. He has a younger sister, so my time was with her and I had to be sure I spent enough time with him alone that he didn't feel the need to go crazy.

As for her things being very special to her, I think that's a good habit and you should encourage her to take care of her things by keeping them neat and put away. I WISH I had that particular problem. Our toy box is all over the livingroom floor half the time!

BTW - invest in a toilet paper holder that is kid-proof (i just put my roll up high), the toilet lid holders that are kid proof, air vent covers, and the new crayons that are for the special paper... it's a phase that's she's in - the bathroom is a new playground and the crayons are so beautiful, she can't help it!!! LOL! You'll only need all that kid-proof stuff for so long before she moves on to a different phase!

It's late for me, so if this is long, I apologize!!! ;-)

Answer 2

I haven't read all before me, but I recommend consistency. Your daughter needs to know that certain behaviors are always unacceptable. She may not understand a direct statement that something is unacceptable at age 3, so I'd suggest either consistently (1) putting her in timeout (without having a conversation with her while she is there or allowing her to have toys/entertainment), (2) setting up a system that rewards her for acting appropriately, or (3) having a system that punishes her for acting inappropriately. Yes, the second answer is a bribe, but at age 3, the habits become ingrained pretty quickly and often continue long after the bribe is gone. If one way doesn't work, focus on another way for a while. For example, any toy that goes in the vent could be taken away for at least a week (or longer, if it will mean more to your child--a three year old won't understand much more than a week). Anything in the toilet is gone forever (even if retrievable). No crayons or markers allowed for a week after using them on the walls.

Finally, some children are more determined/stubborn than others. I have a very strong-willed child, but I'll admit that I have something to do with her becoming that way. I've let her make choices throughout her life (little choices) and am glad to see her becoming independent in her own 5-year old way. I still have to use timeouts occasionally, but it doesn't take much of a reminder to get her to act appropriately most of the time. I will say that I do not believe that any child's behavior is ALL genetics or ALL environment. Each child has his or her own personality, and some can be more work for a parent than others. Yours will come around if you keep being consistent in a way that has meaning to her.

Answer 3

Not to seem rude, but you need to figure out who is in charge in your house--the big people or the small person. If your "precious angel" is only a holy terror at home, it's because she knows you won't really do anything about it, meaning she's in charge. Sounds like she's tested your limits and found that there are none. And boy, is she in for a rude awakening when she finds out later that she's not the center of the whole universe and the queen of everything. You MUST get her under control NOW, because you will not be able to do it later. And by all means buy some earplugs if you can't stand to hear her cry! Kids cry when they don't get their way! Fact of life!

Some practical advice... Take away some of her precious "stuff" and do not give it back-- sounds like she is way too possessive and spoiled. Try teaching her to give by taking some of the excess and donating it to kids who have less. Make her clean the messes she makes (with your help if needed). Put away some of the things she uses to make messes (crayons, paints, catsup, whatever) where she can't get them! Stop overemphasizing her outer beauty by reminding her that her actions at home are ugly.

Answer 4

I'm not being rude, but it's always the parent doing something wrong.. It's not her, she's just a child, and she got her behavior from somewhere...Try to look at what you are doing wrong instead of saying "Well, I discipline her" cause that doesn't help..Sunny up there must be a damned hippie. Sorry, but that is not "normal".. I have two cousins who were always well rounded so I know it doesn't have to be that way. That other guy was right, you are probably so caught up on her cuteness, that you aren't really being the best mother... you have to think about how she's going to end up when she gets older, you know?? My niece is the most adorable little girl I've ever seen in my life, but her personality can be the brattiest and the worse. it's not all about looks, and when you think about it, it won't get her anywhere.. Do her a favor, say no when she's bad, pop her leg if she's too out of hand, try to think about what is best for her. Good luck!!

Answer 5

Oh boy. She's "too precious" to be disciplined because of looks? Basically that's what your description has said at the beginning and end of your statement.
As for kids crying when they're disciplined that's normal...and it isn't pretty. At 3 she's learning how to push your buttons, melt your heart, and rap you around her finger. It's called manipulation and kids become masters at that age. Spankings should be used as a last punishment and with hand only. Not hard, because it's the act and not the pain that is important.
My suggestion is continue with discipline, consider a reward system when she acts good. Ex: "If you help Mommy clean up your room, Mommy will give you crayons and sit and color with you for 10 minutes". After that, Mommy takes crayons back, stores in safe place until next time. No crayon problem. Toilet paper, off the rolls and placed in a high area, out of sight. Use it, put it back, no problem.
Discipline: Time out not to last longer that 5 minutes for her age. Rule is one minute per year of age. When she is done explain how her actions hurt Mommy and melt her heart with your sad emotions. She needs to apoligize and if she's in time out, no talking, no leaving time out. If she leaves her designated time out area, and yes designate a specific small area, then you explain that she left and has to start time out again.
It's not simple, but I've seen the outcome in the school system of children who did not receive discipline at home. It's awful. So be strong, and teach your children well.

Answer 6

Have you tried any of these things consistently? With a young child you can't try something once or twice and say well that didn't work. Sometimes it's an all day thing. The things you say she's doing are a little young for her age. Definitely sounds like an attention getter. Also, it sounds as if you find her just too adorable to discipline. This will only lead to bigger troubles later on. Make rules and be consistent. I have a two and a half year old grand daughter who is absolutely beautiful. People react to her much the same way. But at two and a half she has already learned that that kind of behavior is unacceptable. She started going to time out at one year old. Her mom has been consist ant with her discipline and it shows. Not only do people comment on how beautiful she is, but they are amazed at how well behaved and polite she is. It is hard work to teach a child how to behave properly, but it will be harder as she gets older.

Answer 7

I can tell that she has you wrapped around her little finger! :) I can understand that, having a little girl of my own.

However, you do need to get past the doey eyes and heart wrenching cries, because they know what gets you and will use it to get their way. I'm not saying that you're solution is spanking. I would try taking some of her precious toys away. She will cry, and it will be hard for you to stand firm, but keep the faith!

It's best if you get control of the situation now, because the longer you wait, the harder it will be! Good luck!

Answer 8

I first want to say, that I admire you for not 'spanking'. I don't believe in that form of punishment either.
I do agree with a few of the people who wrote in. You can't NOT disicpline because her cry is so heart wrenching. She has learned that that bothers you and so she knows you are not going to do anything to make her cry.
She is totally playing you. She knows that anything she does she is going to get away with. She is in control of that house and you need to change it hun.
Take some of her things away that she keeps so neat and tidy in her room.! Don't give them back to her, until she can clean up her mess. DO NOT give in, when she starts crying that she wants her 'object' back. You go and put it in the top of your closet, so that she can't reach it. When she finishes picking up, wiping up, scrubbing up her mess -- then you give her the prize back... but not until then.
You have got to take control over the situation or it is only going to get worse. Think about the things she will do when she is 12? Do something now, not later.

Answer 9

Perhaps you've spoiled her because you think she's so "cute"....Well, cute doesn't make it in this world (not all the time anyway), so spoiling your child isn't doing her any good. Your duty as a parent is to teach her right from wrong. And if you refuse to discipline her (which does NOT always include spanking), then you have to deal with it; not us.

and don't send me hate messages because you didn't like what I posted. You asked a question, which means you want other people's opinions, which you arent going to always agree on. I see now why you can't tame your child....Because you can't tame yourself. Grow up.....

Answer 10

u need to look past her cutie-pie ness and start being the parent here. if your beautiful child is being a mini tornado, u need to take all her toys away except 5. then, each time she does a good thing (not meaning "o hun, u didnt spill on the carpet today") give her one toy back. no one likes to hear their children cry, but u need to re-direct her as a tot. when she is older u dont want her destroying her boyfriends apt. because they argued, or broke up. Good luck hun!