One Friday night a guy walks into a bar with a monkey on his shoulder and asks if the bartender minds. The bartender says no problem. Snacks are on the bar-nuts, chips, pretzels and grapes. Guy asks the bartendet if it's ok to give the monkey some grapes. The bartender says no problem. The guy throws a grape into the air, the monkey grabs it and gobbles it down.
Bartender says "Hey, that's cool! Would he do that if I threw him one?"
The guy says, "Sure, go ahead!"
The monkey snatches the grape out of the air that the bartender throws and gobbles it down! As the night wears on other patrons of the bar start throwing grapes from all over the bar and the monkey never misses and gobbles them all down! The monkey is catching with his left and right hand to get them all, but can gobble them down as fast as they are thrown!
As it gets near closing time, and the patrons are getting drunker, the grapes fly from all angles and the throws are not as good. FINALLY the monkey misses one and it lands on the pool table behind him. While catching a grape with his left he reaches behind him on the pool table to get the grape but mistakenly picks up the Cue ball and gobbles IT down!
The bartender, seeing what has happend, says "OH NO! Tomorrow is Saturday, my biggest night, and that's the only Cue ball I have! Heck, I make as much off of the pool table as I do the drinks! This is going to cost me a fortune!"
The guy says, "Look buddy, I am really sorry but he's never made this mistake before. Tell you what, since you don't open til noon tomorrow, I will meet you here at 11:45 am with the Cue ball, Okay?"
The bartender says, "Yeah, Sure, Whatever Dude!" never expecting to see him again.
The next morning when the bartender arrives to open up there is the guy with the monkey on his sholder and the Cue ball in his hand. The bartender, being elated, says "Man, I really never expected to see you or my Cue ball again! Come on in and let me buy you a drink!"
The guy goes into the bar to get his free drink, and while fixing it the bartender says "Buddy your monkey looks really rough, what did you have to do to get the ball back?"
The guy says, "Well we stayed up all night and I fed the monkey laxatives all night long and finally at about 10 this morning he finally passed it so I washed it up and came right over!"
Bartender says "I bet that broke up his eating grapes from now on, huh?"
The guy says "No, he'll still catch them and eat them! Try him if you don't believe me."
The bartender throws the monkey a grape, the monkey catches it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it back out, and gobbles it down!
Bartender looks shocked and says, "Dude, Whats with this sticking it up his butt, pulling it out, and then eating it? Has your monkey gone CRAZY?"
The guy says, "No he's just fine, and actually smarter now. Ever since he passed the Cue ball this morning, he SIZES all of his food before he eats it!"
2006-07-02 07:40:07 · 21 answers · asked by frenchvanilla414@sbcglobal.net 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Sorry, got a little bit distracted for a second (there was this image that suddenly invaded my thoughts and some screaming sound).. so the bartender says yes, he does not mind the monkey in the bar.. then what?
2006-07-03 06:32:17 · answer #1 · answered by Gabriel M 4 · 3⤊ 4⤋
An excellent contribution sent in by Soni which isn’t a joke but funny nonetheless.
An award should go to the gate attendant at Luqa airport. A crowded Malta-London flight was cancelled. She was the lone attendant in charge of re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, “I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS”.
The attendant replied, “I’m sorry sir. I’ll be happy to try to help you, but I’ve got to help these people first, and I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out.” The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?”
Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone: May I have your attention please? May I have your attention please?” she began. With her voice being heard clearly throughout the terminal, she said, “We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14.”
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the attendant, gritted his teeth and said, “F*** You!” Without flinching, she smiled and said, “I’m sorry, sir, but you’ll have to get in line for that too.”
2006-07-02 07:48:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
sometime a brunette became strolling on the coastline. She talked about something particularly brilliant contained in the sand and picked it up. nicely she were given to searching at it and began to rub off the sand. nicely, by utilizing now i'm noticeably certain you've guessed that a genie is going to pop out of it. So the genie says "you may have 3 desires, yet undergo in ideas, each and every thing you want for each of the blonde's contained in the international get two times as a lot". The brunette concept for a minute then pronounced, "I want that I had a helpful homestead." The genie nodded and pronounced." you've one helpful homestead and all blondes have 2." Then the brunette concept some extra. "I want I had an excellent searching guy. " The genie nodded back and pronounced, "you've an excellent searching guy and all blondes have 2." This time it took the brunette somewhat longer to imagine of her want, yet she finally pronounced, "hi genie? you be conscious that stick over there? Beat me 1/2 to lack of life with it."
2016-10-14 01:38:03 · answer #3 · answered by shoe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ummmmm... In my opinion, it's just weird. And a little too long for me. This "joke" is probably as big as the monkey's butt.
2006-07-02 07:45:24 · answer #4 · answered by Low Point of Zenith 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I thought it was funny, though a bit long to read
2006-07-02 07:44:17 · answer #5 · answered by Report Abuse 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hahahaha Hilarious that is seriosly funny!
2006-07-02 07:44:08 · answer #6 · answered by Ghana Rulez 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a pretty good joke, actually. I like the ending!
2006-07-02 07:46:25 · answer #7 · answered by pilotmanitalia 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
instead of reading you long joke i thought to read the answers and came to know that it is really funny...ha ha ha hah hhhhaaaaaaaa. Now please i beg you to give me 10 points....because still i am laughing..
2006-07-03 03:34:09 · answer #8 · answered by Tom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lenghty, but funny
next time try a shorter one,many ppl have such sghort attention spans
2006-07-02 07:45:49 · answer #9 · answered by harmony 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
lol seriuosly funny
i love monkeys, they are soo cute
2006-07-02 08:42:56 · answer #10 · answered by Kay-Jay 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋