Is there anyone (be honest) that if born tomorrow would rather be sent to daycare vs. stay home w/ mommy?

Question

Want to hear especially from anyone that does send their babies to daycare by choice (you could move in with parents if you are single and work at night / or live on just one salary if you moved or downsized to a smaller house... )

I just don't fully understand why mothers / fathers do something to their kids they would not want done to themselves -- or would you honestly want to spend your days as a baby with strangers dividing theri attention among 10+ other babies at some center, getting sick all the time and feeling left behind, vs. home getting 100% attention baking cookies w/ mom or playing in your room w/ dad and exploring bugs in the yard.

THANKS for your insight!

Just want to clarify for "happymum," my husband works very hard to support our family, and even while I was working we always saved 50% of each of my paychecks and chose to live in a MUCH smaller house than we could afford, we accumulated no debt (only bought cars we afford to pay in full for -- do not buy many "things" we do not need) all in preparation for being able to have me stay home and raise our babies when the time came to have kids.

That said, if there is one thing I would be OK with spending OUR hard-earned tax money on, it would be to help single moms who really needed it stay home and care for their babies.

Thanks so much for the insight everyone --I really want to know more about in most cases people make the CHOICE of daycare vs every sacrifice needed to not give strangers access to their babies.

PS: I have to admit, I have yet to bake cookies since our baby is too young for that now -- it was just an example, but I can't wait to do it!

Answer 1

When we had our sons, both of us tried working soon after the first baby was born. I had a neighbor that I trusted care for our son.. one day my mom stopped by unexpectedly to her home, found our baby screaming. Mom walked into her home straight to where our baby was. He was laying in filthy diapers, and apparently was hungry. I went home as soon as mom's call came. I quickly checked my baby over, after calming him as best as I could,and found he was abused horribly by my neighbors son. There were bite marks all up and down my babies spine. My neighbor said she never knew how they got there! I quit my job, and we struggled. By choice, I was a stay at home mom, and learned how to stretch our money. It wasn't always fun, but my babies were safe. Now, I watch my grandsons, as do the other set of grandmas/aunts. Good luck to you in your choice.

Answer 2

Obviously I would rather not be left at a daycare. I guess people do this to their kids because they care more about themselves / the things they want than their babies.

What horrible things people wrote about in the answers that explain either what they remember feeling like when they were left in daycare or what abuse they foind happening to their babies even with just a trusted neighbor....

I don't know, people should be responsible adults and make the sacrifieces needed to do what they know is right. And I guess plan ahead so they are not in situations where truly daycare or leaving your baby with someone else is the ony life/death choice.

Glad you and your husband took time to prepare and sacrificed "things" bigger house etc even before you had kids and then made a good choice for your baby.

Go ahead and bake all the cookies you can while you still have a little kid who wants to lick the spoon!!

Answer 3

Oh gosh, what a can of worms, LOL! Okay I will try to be as honest as I can.

When my first daughter was born, I would have given anything to be able to send her to daycare every day. I was young and completely unprepared for motherhood and was hit with severe PPD that lasted fully a year. I tried to go back to school but wa denied a childcare allowance so I was forced to stay home. There wasn't a job available where I wouldn't have been working to pay the day care so, begrudgingly, I stayed home. That was 9 years ago.

Nowadays, we have three kids (ages 9-almost-10, 3, and 1). We have no family where we live, and no friends that we could trade off babysitting with. All our friends are either in their 60s and not interested in sitting, or they work full time are are too tired to trade off watching each others' kids. I sometimes wish that I could bring the smaller kiddies to day care once or twice a week just to have a break and get some housework done but even that small amount would be 500 bucks and that's ridiculous.

However, I am so glad that I am able to always be here for my kids, even if they do make me nutso sometimes! My mom sent me to daycare and I just remember feeling immense fear and rejection; it was a horrible feeling. Also, my mom was never home when I came home from school and I was always lonely.

One of our friends puts her infant into daycare and the poor kid is ALWAYS sick. Vomit, diarrhea, you name it. And when the day care won't take her, she hires a woman to come over for the day. As she puts it, it's cheaper to pay 30 bucks for a sitter than it is to call in sick to work. When my kids do get sick, at least I can be here to care for them when they need it most.

All that being said, I understand that staying home is not always an option. Mortgages and rents have to be paid, as do utility bills, food, clothes, etc. It's a sad fact of reality that staying at home is getting more expensive every year.

Answer 4

You might get a few angry responses from working moms, but I have to say that, if there is any way at all to be at home when your kids are at home and not use child care, I think that is best. I know many moms really do have to send their kids to daycare when they go to work in order to feed those kids. But those who have a choice, even if it means living in a smaller house and not having some of the things that aren't really necessary for survival should think long and hard about that choice.

I'm not a paranoid person or a person who is overly dramatic or exaggerates dangers, but I do believe that child abuse is a lot more prevalent than many realize, and the only way to really be "sure" is to be with you kids all the time, particularly when they are very young. Yes, even with a SAHM, it is possible for a child to be abused. We all know it only takes a moment of diverted attention or direct supervision to lose a child. I guess my feeling is that it's best to minimize those moments as much as possible.

I am a SAHM, but I've often been busy with my studies, housework, etc., and have recently realized that I'm not spending enough time with my kids. Although we're in the same house together, we need to be "together" where they have my total, undivided attention and I need to be much more aware of what they are doing, even when they are in the next room. I thank God that I have the luxury of being able to do that. I have no doubt that there are many, many moms who dream of being able to be at home with their kids, but simply cannot do so if they want to feed and clothe their kids. I

Answer 5

I've seen situations where kids are being raised by welfare moms and they're totally unprepared for kindergarten. If some of these kids would be in a pre-school based daycare, they'd know how to write their names and know their colors, and stuff like that. That would be very beneficial, rather than being labeled special ed as soon as they enter the school system because all their little classmates are leaps and bounds ahead of them. (One boy in particular can quote many movies, and can tell you anything about any topic he's interested in. He's not a dumb kid. He's just been babysat by satalite TV)

That being said, if a child is being raised by parents who can read and know that education is something other than a free babysitting service, it may be beneficial for him/her to spend more time with their parents. It's not always finacially feasable though, and to me, bringing a family into my parents house wouldn't be an option. (A) I couldn't live with my dad anymore, or my husband's mom for that matter. I wouldn't want to expose my kids to the dynamics this would induce. (B) I probably wouldn't downsize my house because if I have kids in here, well it's a condo and any smaller we'd be too crunched (C) Daycare is a social opportunity as well as an educational journey.

Answer 6

Not every family can afford to live on one paycheck. Not every family can afford to have one person staying home 24/7 baking cookies and doing laundry. Not every woman wants to stay home all the time. None of this means that these people don't love their children, and don't want them happy. Besides, daycare is where children have social experiences. They get to spend time out of the house, and with other children thier own age.

Answer 7

you know i dont understand this world i am a single parent with two kids under the age of three now if was was to sit and home and take the tax payers money people would look down on me as scum, i work part time pay full rent and tax and all the rest of it dont take anymoney off the government and here you are moaning that youd rather everyone took tax payers money and baked cookies or look for bugs come on now we are in 2006 not back in the days my kids love nursery and have very inteligent kids because they are around other kids most of the time, having fun whilst learnig for example my three year old well just under three can count to fifty and his talking is amazing hes like a wee manny i think everyone in this world that can work should work and stop taken my money and everyother tax payers money and with your question i think you are the one that should start bringing your own kids up stop baking your cookies and looking for bugs while i and other tax payers pay you to do so

Answer 8

While, in a perfect world, one parent would stay home with their pre-school aged children, reality exists. Single parents moving in with their parents isn't always an option. Some of their parents are unfit to babysit due to illness, some were never fit to parent, let alone grandparent and some don't get along well enough with each other to make living together an option.

Additionally, being home with your mommy or daddy often doesn't mean 100% or even, in some cases, 50% attention. Parents are at their best when they're taking care of their own needs as well as their families. For some moms, that means working out of the house.

Personally, I preferred to be the one raising my daughter. Her father was abusive to me so I left him. (Turns out to have been a good choice since he's now a registered sex offender). His family wasn't there for my daughter (I didn't expect them to be there for me, but for her, I did). My family and I agreed I should move back East, to reside with my mother and brother in the home I had grown up in. It turned out to be only a moderately better option than being alone in Cali. I had to send my daughter to daycare while I was living with my mother and brother because neither of them were willing nor, in my mother's case, able to watch my mellow toddler. I had to work to support my daughter and myself (part of the reason I moved from Cali was to get off welfare). My family wasn't going to help me financially beyond birthday gifts for my daughter, nor did I want or expect them to. She was and is my responsibility.

So, you see, it's not always possible to keep a child home with their parent rather than child care.

Answer 9

Well, I'm not a mom, far from it (still 14). . .I'd want to go to Daycare if it was that or: staying home alone, with no one there, while my hypothetical parents are out at work, trying to make money for us to live by. Or if my parents were jerks, and abused me (though I doubt they'd send me to daycare then, anyway). . . .to each is his own, I guess. . .

Answer 10

well i would want to go to day care but not 6 to 8 hours a day 5 days a week i would want to go 2 to 3 days for 2 to 3 hours each day. that is what i am going to do with my daughter not really to get her to learn because my baby girl is very smart but i think she needs friends and to be in a more social enviroment.