could the effects of quitting smoking cause a person to want to end a relationship?

Question

My boyfriend said to me one day that it wasn't working, and it coincidently (or not) happened to be around the time he quit smoking. I'm a non smoker and always have been.
We don't fight, when we're together it's always pleasant, however he just says we're too different (which I don't see)
i'm 24, he's 31....we are both mature.
he knew i didn't enjoy that he smoked, but i also said that that was the way i met him, and it was his own decision. i left it at that (at the beginning) and never said anything else about it.....he chose to quit on his own suddenly one day. i had no idea he even wanted to

perhaps i didn't word the above correctly.....when we met over 6 years ago, he knew i didn't like people that smoked....and that i didn't smoke...however we got together and things flourished......i never brought the discussion up again, never said anything about it, or made any gestures or whatnot to make him think....or pressure him into quitting. it was like "ok fine you smoke...then you're going to smoke." and i figured that that was something i was going have to take with me....i know you can't change a person....so that's why i left it alone, otherwise if it were that big of a problem for me, i would have not continued the relationship. it's also important to state we've been on and off for the last 6 years....because of bad timing.

Answer 1

When you wrote, "left it at that (at the beginning) . . . you seem to imply that you didn't leave it at that (though you also wrote, "I never said anything else against it".)
Perhaps, even if you didn't "say anything", you still make your disapproval plain.
One thing I know for sure - if you enter into any relationship seeing your partner as a "fixer-upper" - that is, if you generally like him/her, but in your heart you plan to "make some changes" in him/her, well, the chances of that relationship's lasting are slim.
You can't "make people change" their behavior; if you try, it'll cause only resentment and irritation. Unless people want to change behavior on their own, there's no chance that such a change will be permanent.
Have you asked your boyfriend how he sees you two as being "too different?" You seem puzzled by his comment, so why not find out why he thinks that?

Answer 2

Quitting smoking can be very stressful and cause irritability. Also, you say you "left it at that (at the beginning)" but that he was aware that you didn't like it. If he was quitting because of signals you were giving that pressured him into quitting, during withdrawl he may very well resent you, although he should get past that within a few weeks.

As for the differences, age alone isn't enough to say how alike or how mature either of you are. While opposites DO attract, this is often a brief attraction and often doesn't last. Life experience is also a key in how much you have in common.

If he's going through withdrawl now, just tell him that you understand how difficult this is on him now, (although you probably don't, never having had a "nic fit") and that you will be there to support him. Don't nag at him if he fails this time. People often fail many times before they quit successfully. Point out that any relationship decisions should be made later, when his stress level is reduced. If he needs you to back of for a while during this, do so. Constant pushing, especially when he's struggling to break an addiction, will only make him resent you.

Answer 3

I don't think quitting smoking has anything to do with it. If your boyfriend wants to break up accept that and get on with your life. Go out with other guys and have fun. You'll be glad you did over time.

Answer 4

Possibly. Quitting smoking is tough and some people get really stressed out. Give him some time to get past his addiction and talk to him when he is more level headed.

Answer 5

yes.