I have been with my man for six years, we have a 16 month old baby girl. He thinks all I should do is raise the baby before the baby we did everything together. I love him dearly but he is starting to get on my ervecause he spends too little time with me. he is really into his business he is self employed i help with the business but we do not do much for our personal life we ocassionaly have sex but damn i need other stuff too...
2006-07-02 05:01:56 · 15 answers · asked by JazzyJ72 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
well ask him to marry you
2006-07-02 05:03:10 · answer #1 · answered by girly wirly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not your relationship you need to 'take to another level', but rather your life. (Pithy, huh ? Sorry - ) But really, you've been with this guy for six years - two years ago (or so) you two either decided to have a child together or "it just happened." Either way, this business of how the family dynamic is going to change (or stay the same) probably should have been talked out. It doesn't sound like it was. Big question is why the two of you have not gotten married ? There are a LOT of legal/financial/social reasons - especially after having a child - that you need to be married.
If the answer(s) as to why the two of you have not married go to some very serious differences between the two of you, then you really should be looking at why you are together. At all.
After that, there is the fact that a child changes EVERYTHING and that change is FOREVER. Period. The time in your life when you were out "doing things" and having fun and just being young and carefree are long-gone. You are parents now - both of you. And, no matter how we try to change things, the mother is almost always the primary caregiver. That little girl can do nothing for herself. Nothing. She needs you to feed her, change her, clothe her, keep her safe, teach her how to play (yeah, really - they need to be taught) and how to use her imagination (again, something that has to be fostered), how to think (another thing that has to be taught), and - as she grows older, how to get along with others, how to reason, how to shoulder responsibility, and so on and so on and so on. You are a parent now and this is all up to you. There is not a lot of time in there for "doing everything together" with your partner (the guy that should be your husband.) When you have kids, it is a division of labor with a catch-as-catch-can for time for the two of you.
It sounds like you feel he is just dumping all the child care responsibilities on you - and he may well be - but before we get there, you need to take a look around and see what has changed for the two of you besides the child. Before, was he "really into his business" (as self-employed); has that changed ? If not, then what are you concerned about besides the fact that now you have some serious responsibilities at home ? Before, did he support you ? Now, after the child, is he supporting both of you ? If so, then he is shouldering some responsibility, is he not ? (If not, then you have some talking to do.)
In reality, it is not a 50-50 division. You do 100% and he is supposed to do 100%. There are going to be some things that you do better and others that he does better - and a recognition of that will help this go better. On the other hand, parenting IS about the two of you - not just you. If you are helping with the business, then he should be helping with the parenting.
As for the time for the two of you ("damn, I need other stuff too") -like what ? Dancing ? Drinking ? Playing ? Probably not going to happen. For awhile, time for the two of you may well be a weekend day walk in the park with the stroller; trading days on the weekend for who gets to sleep in (you on Saturday and him on Sunday); watching some TV together on the couch with some popcorn when she (finally) goes to sleep. That's what it has to be for awhile. Eventually, when you have the money and she has established a routine where you can give her over for a few hours to a sitter, then you can take a look at going to a movie - just the two of you, or out to dinner. But the stuff you two did when you were just the two of you is gone until your little girl is out of the house.
If that still isn't enough for you, then you should take a look at doing something by yourself for yourself. If you need more than the mommy world, then look into volunteering (someplace where there is child care) or a parttime job (but recognize that the money you will earn will barely cover the cost of child care - if at all.)
This is all about re-prioritizing your life.
2006-07-02 05:21:50 · answer #2 · answered by two 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take the energy you're using in here and use it to communicate with him. Ask him open ended questions that cannot allow yes/no answers. If he doesn't answer pause and wait ... he'll eventually say something. Don't put blame on your feelings or he'll push back and avoid discussing things. This is a problem for both of you so you are both to blame at some level. Work through this and you'll be fine. Also, don't rule out counseling.
2006-07-02 05:04:58 · answer #3 · answered by Keith 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only way this problem is going to get solved is with open and honest communication you are going to have to tell him that although you understand that both of you have really important things going on in your life you also need to take time out of your schedules for each other he will most likely receive this kind of conversation really well because he feels the same way. good luck
2006-07-02 05:06:03 · answer #4 · answered by skits 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to do the obvious thing and tell him how you feel and go from there. You already have a baby together. Good Luck.
2006-07-02 05:05:16 · answer #5 · answered by winona e 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him to step up and be a man. You're good enough to have his baby then you're good enough for him to marry you. If he won't marry you move on and find someone else who will treat you and your baby with the love and respect you both deserve
2006-07-02 05:04:22 · answer #6 · answered by tony pepperoni 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that depends on what you consider another level...many ways to go on that...you mentioned occasional sex in your question and thats whats really bothering you isnt it...find ways to spice things up a bit...lots of suggestions for that one....but start with being creative
2006-07-02 05:05:48 · answer #7 · answered by spike 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you gotta get him to spend more time with you
can you help in his business more?
if you driftin or gettin on nerve that is warning for you to think what you want in life an go an get it
2006-07-02 05:05:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Plan a movie night ever week... even if it isn't to the movie theatre, it could be in your home too. (Love movies would work best)
2006-07-02 05:04:00 · answer #9 · answered by Daniel M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to a romantic dinner or something. Try to get him more interested in you.
2006-07-02 05:04:02 · answer #10 · answered by Bobesink 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i guess you just take the risk and do something that you've never done before. or you could just ask...
2006-07-02 05:03:38 · answer #11 · answered by Mehrunes Dagon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋