Does it make us bad parents to know that we only one to have one child?

Question

My wife and I are really thinking about only having one child. We are not sure if we are the kind of people that want more that one. But all of our good friends are working on #2 and 3. Our little girl is only 3 months.

Answer 1

no your not a bad parent!!!! having 1 is just fine that means you may be able to afford college and more than that and you may not!!! just love your baby with all your heart!!

Answer 2

I have always thought that it is much better to only have one child, unless you really feel like having a second. third one etc.

My logic:
Most single-child parents I know who are considering having a second child, do so for one of the following reasons:
1st child should have someone to play with
1st child should not become spoiled by having too much attention
1st child will need a sibling to care for him/her when parents are gone
A series of reasons relating to what would be best for the 1st child....

Which inevitably leads to:
2nd child's sole reason for existence is some sort of 'supporting' role for the 1st one.
I find this unethical.
I do believe that once the child is born, parents forget about the reason why they wanted the 2nd child in the first place, i.e. possibly give all the love the child needs anyway, so that the reason makes no difference. However, in my view, a certain set of dynamics does exist/ develop that arise from the fact that, whereas the first child was the child that the parents truly wanted, or, fail that, the child that transformed the couple into family, the second child will never receive an equal vibe, whatever this may or may not mean in practice.

This does not mean that I am against having more than one children, simply that, a couple's reasons for wanting so had better be more focused on the actual existence of the 2nd child rather than on reasons relating to the first.

To your question: If you don't feel like having a 2nd child (at least for now), I think there is nothing more ethical than not to have one, or you could end up having one for questionable reasons

Answer 3

No! It does not make you bad parents. And you don't need a good reason. Don't worry about what your friends are doing. Do what seems right for you and your wife. It's okay to be a bit selfish. If you do only have one, try to eliminate only child syndrome with you daughter. Keep her in social situations, not spoiled, etc. Make sure you emphasize fairness and sharing and respecting others, etc. This is more challenging with only children. Make sure she has regular outlets with other children of different ages. This is an opportunity to focus on you daughter's development while still having time to enjoy you individuality.
Also, you may change your mind since you don't seem firmly decided yet. Your daughter life is still so fresh.
On the flip side-for more reasons than I can type or that I even know, you'll never regret having more children. Never.

Answer 4

No, of course not. But you might find it more difficult having just one. Two of my closest friends each have one child, and they "complain" that they often can't get much done because their child requires so much attention -- they are the primary playmate for their child, where a sibling might be if there were more than one child. Here's something else you might want to read:

http://members.shaw.ca/tproudfoot/onlychild.htm

This is one person's experience, so I wouldn't take their opinion as gospel, but it's worth reading. It sounds exactly like something my half-brother would have written (my brother and I were already grown and out of the house when he was born, so he grew up as an only-child for the most part).

But I'm sure there are many only-children who would tell you that they were perfectly happy growing up and that there are many advantages to being an only-child. As with any child's experience, siblings or not, it probably comes down to how the parents were with them more than anything. The fact that you asked this question in the first place indicates that you're a thoughtful, loving parent, and I'm sure your little girl is going to have a wonderful life!

Answer 5

No that's not being a bad parent. You are just at the realization that you and your wife are only capable of caring for one child, better know now than have 2 or 3 and feel overwhelmed and un happy because children pick up on these things and feel like your un happiness is their fault. Just be prepared to meet the needs of an only child. As long as the child gets alot of socialization and you have alot of time to spend QUALITY time with the child and she never feels alone. ( be careful not to over spoil an only child as well...lol, that comes with its own set of problems down the road.)

Answer 6

Whatever you decide together. As long as you both agree that's what you want who cares how many other people are having? Some people would have a kid every year if they could, well into their 50's and 60's. It's up to you as a couple. Just remember if you really want to be done...one of you is going to have to get the surgery, it has a far less fail rate than a condom with birth control, Infact to be double sure, you both should get it done, but BE SURE it's what you both want!!! I didn't want anymore kids when my baby was only 3 months old either, lol. Just enjoy her right now, they grow so fast! You might change your minds, that's been known to happen.

Answer 7

Not at all! I know plenty of people who are "only-children" (from one-child families) and they wouldn't have it any other way. Of course, there are those people who seem to think "the grass is always greener on the other side," but many times those types of people will complain about anything just for the sake of complaining! At some point in our lives, we will all wish to have something that other people have. Me, I sometimes would wish I had a brother, especially when I was younger, but do you think I would ever trade my two sisters for anything in the world?? I don't think so!! You'd have to kill me to get to them. :))

My point is, there is a time in life where your daughter will look at what she has instead of what she doesn't have, and she will appreciate the fact that you, her parents, did your best to raise her and do what was best for her in your eyes. Now is your chance to give her the tools (love, education, quality of life) to be that kind of a person, not the kind that can only see what they don't have. So you just do what is right for you and your family, and don't ever back down, no matter what anyone else says!!

Answer 8

I think it's just fine to only have one! You are focusing your loving attention on only one child and being realistic about how much responsibility you can handle. And you can always go back on that decision later when baby is older if you want.

Besides, with all the population control problems we are having, if you are unsure about how much you want a second, don't do it! There's enough people out there to begin with. I am an only child and am happy about it. My 10 month old babe probably wont be the only one but that's just because I love babies

Answer 9

There's good and bad in everything. In reading some of the other responses there are obviously plausible arguments to both sides.

At the same time, life happens and we at best can merely influence certain events and don't have total control of their outcomes.

More specific to you actual question, NO. The fact that you are considering this question at all shows that in your so called selfishness, you are not thining only of yourselves.

This in itself does not make you a good or bad parent, but the proactive attitude should add a point or two towards the good.

FYI, I am a father of four, but had originally wanted six.
Life happens.

Answer 10

I don't think your bad parents for only wanting one child, I was the only child for 12 years and I really wanted a brother or sister, but then my mom got pregnant I had a brother who I love dearly, but I remember how nice it was to be the only one.
I have 2 children 17 months apart (never a dull moment) so it just depends on what you can handle. And I think god has away of only giving you what you can handle.

Answer 11

i don't think "bad parenting" has anything to do with it but i would say, having been raised as an only child myself, that it's better to have more than one. i think that only children miss out on a lot of experiences. i remember going over to my friends' houses when i was little to play with them and wishing that i had brothers & sisters of my own at home. of course, this is totally a decision that has to be made by you and your wife & i'm sure that with love you will make great parents regardless of how many kids you decide to have.