what should you do to MAKE your child clean up their room?

Question

the room is a complete disater. she threw everything out of her closet and onto the floor and now she will not clean it up unless everyone else does it for her. and she has kind of a bad bad temper and most likely will just throw a temper tantrum just to get her way. how should i deal with this 'problem child' and make her learn to clean her own room? also know that she is in her teens about to go on to high school.. help! how can i make this badd habit stop?!?!

Answer 1

Offer incentives to clean the room. If that doesn't work, you may have to ground her and prevent her from doing the things she likes until it's clean. If it still doesn't work, give her a notice of about a week and tell her if it isn't clean by then you will clean it and discard everything that you see fit. Do not respond to tantrums and stand your ground. Sounds like you have a tough fight on your hands but you need to follow through with any demand you make-YOU are the parent.
Good luck!

Answer 2

You mean if they refuse? I have only had to do this once but it seems to work wonders. Get a trash bag and pick up everything on her floor that isn't where it's supposed to be and bag it. If she wants it back she will have to earn it back by doing chores around the house for you and keeping her room clean for at least a week, and then she can slowly earn her stuff back. If she's got only one outfit to wear for the week, than so be it. This is a real life lesson. She's not going to be able to pull that crap if she gets a room mate, and I'm sure her future husband won't appreciate it if she doesn't care about her living space. I'm not talking perfection here but there are some standards to living. It will teach her responsibility. So stop yelling, she'll wonder what's up. Give her three warnings and a time frame in that you expect it to be done in and then put the actions and consequences into action. Of course the first time you do it she will probably not be so happy with you but Oh well, you will have given her ample time to comply. She lives in your house. Ask her how she'd feel if you shucked all responsibility when it came to cleaning up, preparing meals and providing her transportation, etc. If she's about to go into HS she shouldn't be throwing temper tantrums...and the only reason she still would be is because it works, it gets the family into an uproar and she'll get her way. Quit giving it to her, don't play her game, leave the house if you have to...afterall if there's nobody to throw a temper tantrum in front of what good is it to have one? Put your foot down mama!

Answer 3

My children aren't teenagers yet, but they will be soon. I have a son that's 12 and daughter that's 8. What I do now is what I'll do when they're older.

I've tried all the above mentioned techniques, what works best is to do it with them. I think kids look at mess and have no idea where to start, it's overwhelming to them, that's why a previous answerer had to keep going back to help her son.

I don't force them, I just say, "come on let's get this picked up real quick, I'll do this while you get that". I usually do this when I know my son and daughter need me to do something for them or take them somewhere.

Also, I don't make them do it all at once, kids don't have that attention span. So if my 12 year old wants me to take him to the video store, I just say , " ok, but you need to throw all your dirty laundry down the shoot and make your bed, and I'll pick up some of your stuff off the floor for you." He almost always asks to do afterwards, don't do it, has to be done first, he usually runs to get it done.
My daughter is little harder, more stubborn, I usually always have to do it with her. Bribery works, just like you work for money, so will your child, it's only 50 cents or a dollar, but it works, my daughter has actually offered to pick up after the dogs for a dollar, I gave her 2 dollars and told her it was because she showed incentive and that was great.

For your daughter, offer her an incentive, tell her you won't drive her somewhere unless she picks up her clothes, and then you could help her organize later, she'll probably appreciate it. Or, tell her you'll give her that few bucks to get something she's wanted, but she has to do the work first.

I don't think any parent really sees the benefits and rewards of all there hard work until the kids are gone and living there own lives. We just preparing them for life, we might as well do it in a way where we can all get along. I never got far with my kids when I was yelling, we all get mad, but it never works. Just got a find a solution with an open heart and mind.

Answer 4

If you cannot just lay down the law and you've tried things like taking away privileges and grounding, then it might be time for the big guns. Ignore the tantrum; if she gets her own way when she throws one she'll never stop throwing them.

Box up everything in her room but one week's worth of socks, underwear, jeans/pants and shirts. EVERYTHING else goes in boxes. Stick 'em in the attic, the basement, wherever you have room. Don't react to theatrics. Simply explain that she'd have more choices for clothing and all of her other stuff if she'd only done as you'd asked, and that you'll return things little by little when she keeps what she currently has in order.

When she's able to keep a tidy room with only her furniture and a limited wardrobe, then start adding stuff back in, say a box at a time. I doubt it'll take long for her to understand that if she wants more than a few outfits in her room she better shape up.

The key thing, however, will be your ability to deal with mouthing off, temper fits, etc. Don't yell back, just calmly explain that his is how it is, and that's that. When she sees she can't sway you, you're halfway to teaching her a valuable lesson.

Answer 5

Close the door if she wants to live in a mess let her. don't wash her clothes or anything don't buy her anything new until she gets what she has under control make sure she has enough hangers and drawers to keep her things organized. She is most likely overwhelmed with the mess and does not know how to start. so give help her this time by explaining first go thru all your clothes today (then we will go to the park or whatever kids do these days) then tommow say we are going to go thru all the cd's (then we are going to go out and do something else) If the room is really that much of a mess it will take a few days but also she and you can declutter as you go along so she can throw away or donate things that are taking up space and that she really don't need in there. I would explain to her that you don't expect it all done at one time but make a reasonable time table with her and 1-2 weeks and praise her each time something is accomplished.

Answer 6

The hefty bag is your friend.
Tell the child to get rid of all the things she does not care to make room for. Things she has out grown, things she does not like, clothes that don't fit, are dated, faded or stained should go first, Things they no longer cherish like toys, books, and so on. Make one bag garbage, and one bag for things others maybe able to use, go to Goodwill, family shelter, friend, relative or what ever. If you reduce what she has it will become more managable for her.
Give her a set amount of time to do the task. After that time tell her you will do the task, but she has no input on what you take out. If you have to clean the room go in and cut the clutter. Take a third bag with you for things she will loose temporarily, bag them up and store them elsewhere. If she can keep the room clean every day for a period, let her have one item back. so 3 day clean room, then reward with an item back and keep going.
Basically if the items are being treated like garbage, thrown on floor ect i tell the kids they are garbage if you treat them like garbage and they need to go. Ask once for them to be put up properly, then take action. They get the message really quickly.
Be sure to help organize the room once with her. storage boxes and so on can help. She may just be overwhelmed and not have a good place to start. help her cut the clutter and she may begin to stop the " dump everything" out behavior.

Answer 7

I had the same problem with my son. I know boys are different.

I told him he could not leave his room, Watch TV, Play Video Games until he cleaned his room. He refused to clean it. I left him in there a while In the meantime I made Popcorn (he loves popcorn) I turned on his favorite cartoon loud enough for him to hear it. He asked if he could come out. I said "is your room clean?". He said no. Sorry you can't come out until your room is cleaned. He started crying. I knew I had him. He cried he needed help. I went in a directed him where to put each item, But he did all the work. The room got cleaned and he got his popcorn and to watch a little TV.

This happened again. The next time I gave him 20 min. to clean his room. He cried and asked for help. I directed him again except I pointed out all of an object like cars, and told him where they go. I then left him alone to complete the task, after 5 min I returned He did nothing. I told him I will resume the punishment above if he did not finish. I told him 15 min. left. Then I left.

I came back in three min. he was putting the cars away. When he finished then pointed to the books and told him were they go. I gave him 3 min. to put them away and I left. I did this every time until his room was clean.

I had to go through this several more times before I would say clean your room and he would jump into action.

Answer 8

I have a somewhat Draconian philosophy on this. Possibly because I have no children. Some ideas to discipline her without getting social services called on you:

1. Confine her to an empty room with nothing in it for an entire weekend (pick a weekend that she will miss out on a lot of fun).

2. Take away all of her possessions that she doesn't absolutely need to survive. (i.e. cell phone, video games, etc)

3. Take away all of her fashionable clothing. Make her wear plain, drab clothing from a secondhand store. And make her wear either the same outfit every day or outfits that are very similar.

4. Move her to a new room with just a bed and a light bulb. Make this room as small as possible and with no windows if you can.

5. Don't let her eat with the family. And don't let her eat the same food as everyone else either. Restrict her to something nutritious, but bland and as unappealing as possible.

Answer 9

I'd giver her an ultimatum, if she didn't clean up her room by, say, tomorrow night, I will come with a trash bag and take everything that's on the floor and put it in there. And there throw the bag away. And then I'd do it.

Of course, some of the more expensive things I would set aside and let her have them back when she proves that she can keep her room clean

Answer 10

Some children just do not like to tidy their room. To compromise, at least tell her to separate the clean ones from the soiled one. One way is to buy a nice laundry basket that will help her in getting her to organise. My rule will be as long as the room is clean and hygenic, i am ok. No leaving of food that invite ants or rats and soiled sanitary pads in the room!!!

If that does not convince your gal, try hiding an orange in her wardrobe and let her see the rotton and mouldy orange after four months if she has not find it and see her reaction.....@@