I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and thought that marriage was where our relationship was heading. I am not in a rush to get married but last night when talking about someone I know getting married he dropped the bombshell that he had no intention of ever getting married. I really love him but I can't stand the idea of never getting married. What should I do?
2006-07-01 22:19:37 · 14 answers · asked by madmish00 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Shut off the tv and the stereo. Sit him down and tell him you need to talk.
Tell him honestly how you feel about your relationship and about him. Tell him you have been hoping to marry him. Tell him how it felt when he said he wouldn't be marrying. Tell him you need to understand why he won't marry. I'm sure his reasons are based in fear alone. There's not much you can do to change his mind or his opinion, but you need to be honest...first with yourself, then with him.
If it comes to it, and you feel strongly about it, you're going to have to tell him that for you, the status quo just won't work. You want more of a future, and you deserve one. You honestly wish he was your future, but if he chooses not to be, you have to accept that. Then you do what's really hard. You move on. Maybe being without you will turn a lightbulb on in his head and he'll realize what he threw away and what he's missing. If he doesn't...it was never meant to be. Look at it as a training exercise to prepare you for the real Mr. Right. Don't look back. You deserve better.
2006-07-02 01:37:12 · answer #1 · answered by J Somethingorother 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You boyfriend is afraid/incapable of making a commitment to you and your relationship. Either accept the fact that he may never change his mind, I say may never as you do not say how old you and your partner are, he could change his mind over time. To say he has no intentions to ever get married is the way he feels now not further down the track. Or I suggest you find yourself a partner who has the same future goals as you do. Dont be too impatient or hasty to get married as marriage is very serious business. Are you possitive this is the man you want to marry? Good luck.
2006-07-01 22:42:13 · answer #2 · answered by AussiePete 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I doubt if that is the long and short of it... When a man says he is never getting married he either planning on proposing soon or was recently hurt by a woman. More often than not it is the latter. In your case it is probably the fore. Especially if he has been with you for 5yrs. No commitment problems. Unless, of course, his parents divorced at a young age. Sometimes that can be traumatizing. More than likley he is planning something special and doesn't want you to have the slightest idea its coming.
2006-07-01 22:33:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He made his decision and he announced it to you in very clear terms. It's not time for you to make a decision too. Either it's okay with your to stay together as-is, with no likelihood of marriage in the future, and no assurances of relationship security that is important to you, or you struggle to break free and give yourself the opportunity to meet someone with goals similar to your own. By breaking free I mean 'readjusting' the position your friend plays in your heart. He has moved from the position of marriage hopeful to that of friend. The spot for marriage hopeful is now open and you should be patient, but seek to fill the spot nevertheless, because that's where your happiness is.
2006-07-01 22:49:30 · answer #4 · answered by nothing 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some of us just do not want to marry and I am one of them. I had the same thing and about the fifth year she kept talking about marriage so I had to make it very clear that I would not. She left and life went on. I sure would not want to spend fifty years with the same woman. It is for you to decide if you want to push the issue or not. You may find you are out or you may convince him. The act of getting married just seems like nonsense to me. That is me and not you so it is you that has to decide not us out here.
2006-07-01 22:42:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he told you that he dont have plan then move on!! you know what, i had also a 5 year relationship with my husband before we got married, i never ever talk to him about marriage because i dont want to be disappointed if ever he will decide not to marry me, during the 4th year of our relationship, i always pray and ask for a sign if i will stay or not,I NEVER EXPECTed SOMETHING FROM HIM as long as im still happy with him and on our 5th year i told him my decision that i will move to another country for greener pasture and its up to him what would our lives will bring... then one valentine he just popped up the issue that he wanted to settle down, we were married twice (civil and church wedding) then he ask me to stay.. you know what .. you could feel it from the start if he have plans for you
2006-07-01 23:37:18 · answer #6 · answered by icon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you are hell bent to get married, this guy isn't your guy. usually, both parties agree to marry. i guess your father could find a shotgun-lol. surely, over 5 years, there have been clues but love is blind. if you want to marry, find another man. i can tell by your question that you have some education. you can do better. good luck babe.
2006-07-01 23:12:50 · answer #7 · answered by sinned 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are safe for him why should he get married. Dont buy the cow if the milk is free
Good Luck and God Bless!!
2006-07-02 00:38:55 · answer #8 · answered by msqtech 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either you two are on the same page or you are reading a different book after five years. You aren't going to change him and he isn't going to change you. Change lovers.
2006-07-01 22:22:35 · answer #9 · answered by Debbie R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if i were you i will ask him to take his position rapidly as possible and make him realize than he is doing something wrong and what he told you have had an emotional effect on you
2006-07-01 22:57:41 · answer #10 · answered by secret &trade 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋