u like morbid poetry? please critique?

Question

A woman's muffled screams, she's victum to a devilish scheme.
He has folowed her home, stalking her, waiting till she's all alone.
Now she's asleep, in walks the creep.
He sits there just admiring, twisted toughts he's aquiring.
He latches to her throat, him and his leather trench coat.
He just leaves her there, but who would expect him to care?
Left for the innocent to discover, next person in was her lover.
The creep had been long gone, her love sang her a song;
"I did it all just for her, I did it all just for her,
but love wants us dead, just me and my poison girl."
Two people dead, her love shot himself in the head.

Answer 1

hey buddy this is really a weird poem. Your poem lacks the flow of sequential actions, try changing the words you have used. Finally your poem is combining two different parts of practical life, one is a crime while other is related to complicated love so you actually do not get a clear idea of what you want to tell, secondly writing such poems for common man circulation should not be done for it is really weird for the mind though the subject of the poem may be a fact....best of luck for your future poems.

Answer 2

I heard the sound of a sonic boom
as I shot my load across the room
and as it splashed across her cheek
I said to myself, man....this girls a freak !

Answer 3

That´s like rap...otherwise, pretty ok, but still, if it comes easier to write with a rhyme like that, go on, it just gives it this hollow melody, like it´s a raining, on and on and on...

Answer 4

not really very good. the idea of rhyming couplets is that they are in different lines, not the same one. However, keep trying, you will eventually get better.

Answer 5

Moral: love is complicated, poems are even more complicated to grasp.

Answer 6

Nice. Use spell check.