I just discovered today that my wife slept with a guy last night that she has been having an on and off affair with for the last four months. I have confronted her before on this issue. I used a product known as Checkmate (which identifies the presence of sperm) on her underwear when she returned home. When I confronted her with the evidence she admitted it and claimed to love me and to feel sorry for what she has done to us. She says she'll do anything? She has lied to me for months and has been sneaking around for months, making me feel bad as if I have done something, and destroying our finances, etc. We have been married for 9 years, next week. We have 3 children between us.
It is amazing how intertwined your life becomes with someone you have been married to for so many years and I am completely overwhelmed. I had her leave the house today so that I could have some time alone. I don't know what to do!The children, the house, the pets, I am overwhelmed. Any mature advice?
2006-07-01 20:26:38 · 12 answers · asked by Woody 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You can both opt to seek outside help. But that's only if she is willing to stop her cheating but personally I don't think she will change since she has already apoogized then did it again. I'm sorry to have to say that this marriage is one sided while you might want it to work she looks like she doesn't care in destroying you. And it might not seem fair. I think you need to separate for awhile. Gather yourself and see where you want this to go and see how she reacts in knowing she might lose you. You need time apart to figure it out and so does she. It's not right that she's playing games on you. So you both need to know if you stand better together or apart. Everything like the kids and all will fall into place when you know where you two belong. If you do go through with divorce. That doesn't mean you can't have the kids when you want. She was the one who destroyed the marriage. And besides it's better to raise kids in a loving home and not one of deceit.
2006-07-01 20:35:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did you pull your last question Mike?
You are going through a very hard time, you need a lot more then yahoo answers, perhaps yahoo answers is helping you get through the evening, But this is NOT the answer,and you know it...!
Live is full of ups and downs, we have to deal with them the best way we know how...
Your marriage is over Mike, I think you know this.. How to deal with it?
You say you have 3 children between you? so 1 of you has gone through this before..?
You have also suspected for 4 months she was having an affair, you got the proof! ,
Take one day at a time, But I think your depression is going to get in the way of this... You have to be strong - you can not fall apart now!
first thing monday morning phone your doctor make an appointment, then phone your lawyer...your going to need both!!
gl
2006-07-01 21:15:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need some counseling to get through this. Not easy to think straight when you have pressures and obligations. Take one step at a time. Remember children are resilient but they are the ones to always get hurt. Ask yourself some questions: Do you love her? Will she go to therapy with you? Do you think you could forgive her and move on? I would try therapy first and take it from there. Don't rush into divorce cause it could get real ugly. Why is she doing this? And don't let her tell you that you pushed her into his arms. That's bull. Communication though, maybe she is looking for something that you are not giving her. Talk to her and Good Luck!
2006-07-01 20:33:15 · answer #3 · answered by charlie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like you're being a being concerned and thoughtful daughter that's impressive. besides the undeniable fact that it does sound like you're trying to please each and absolutely everyone else and positioned them first. At 23, you do nonetheless have a great number of time for different children yet in case you sense strongly that having yet another new child interior the subsequent 2 years is what's ideal for you and your husband, you want to envision with your Dad. tell him how a lot you care about him and the doorstep mom and that you want to be there for them yet that the homestead is somewhat too small on your household. i'm certain that he will understand and he will be able to discover somebody else to employ the position. i do not comprehend if this determination is accessible, yet might want to he possibly show you how to upload a room and use what you'd be paying in lease for a lengthy time period to pay for the room - that you may want to then use for a clean toddler? both way, you mustn't proceed to stay in this homestead and forego your man or woman existence plans.
2016-10-14 01:24:25 · answer #4 · answered by keys 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well friend I just went through the same thing the same years married 1 more kid than you....But my only advice for you is if you truley love her and really and truley think you can trust her than try it.......My exwife has cheated on three times and I just want you to know you will never be able to trust her again ......But I am not you just try to listen to people that have nothing to loose or gain then make your decession.....Well good luck and hope you find some kind of happiness.....steve
2006-07-01 20:34:55 · answer #5 · answered by brokendestroyedheart 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
to be honest, you need to seek marraige counseling. as for the childrens and house, and other stuff. tell your children what your going through and make schedules for them if they're old enough to do their own chores and take care of pets. second of all, the children can still have interaction with their mother, after all they are her's too and you shouldn't shund them from their mother. assign everyone their duties and put a responsible child incharge to make sure the chores and duties are done and reward them kindly, such as pizzas night, or something fun. look luck.
2006-07-01 20:42:59 · answer #6 · answered by KaPaul L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a good divorce lawyer...keep quiet about it, say nothing to nobody. Have your lawyer work out the details and strike first. You will probably, still get screwed. Get consoling for yourself. As others have said it is over. You will be depressed for about 6 months to a year, and then things will began to improve
2006-07-01 23:51:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit in a calm and quite place, where nobody can disturb you. Close you eyes and ask questions to yourself: Have you been honest to her? Have you ever cheated her? Are you able to satisfy her sexual desire? Have you given her the respect she deserves? Have you ever hurt her in the recent past?
My friend every YES has a point to win and every NO has a minus. BEST OF LUCK.
2006-07-01 21:10:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you confronted her,and it's happened more than once.Time for you to move on in life without her,you should talk to your lawyer and file for divorce.I hope everything works out in your favor.
2006-07-01 23:54:52 · answer #9 · answered by rosie w 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear this. It's going to be hard,but you need to let her go. You will never be able to trust her again. She does not love you..When you love someone you don't hurt them...divorce and get child support from her.
2006-07-01 20:35:30 · answer #10 · answered by Angie29 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋