Am I gay or bi or wut?

Question

I am 15 years old. I recently, like one month ago, came out to my best friend, then my parents and a few other close friends. As a gay. I mean, I had had feelings for guys for like four years at least... And I had only got one erection from a girl. Yet in the last few weeks, I've gotten multiple erections from girls, id say about 6, and also have masturbated to fantasies with only girls twice. So, idk wut is going on with me. And my parents are Christian, and believe i can "change" thru prayer, which i dont believe in, but i AM changing, but i still like guys. Is it possiblt I just havent quite fully developed or something? I've read stories of teens changing from bi to gay and gay to bi in their mid to late teens. So wut do u guys think? I'm really confused, and it'll also be weird recoming out....

Answer 1

You don't have a deadline to figure out if you're gay or straight, and 15 is certainly too young to make a life decision (or to 'come out'). If you were gay, you'd know, flat out. If you don't know it, flat out, then keep your trap door shut until further notice, and quit making your family miserable about it.

Answer 2

15 is a confusing age anyway. I am gay, and I knew at a very young age I was gay. I had sex with boys, and girls. "Sex" isn't necessairly the defining factor of your sexuality. At 15 you can get "hard" or horny for almost anything most the time. That's normal. However, most people will tend to say if you have attraction to males you probably always will. I would think you are gay and just reacting to hormones for all sex at this point. Most guys will tell you an erection doesn't mean what you're seeing is all that important, it's hormones. I wouldn't completely decide your sexuality if you are confused, explore things out there, see what makes you feel "whole". If or when you go out with a guy or girl, which one makes you feel better, comfortable, or at ease with yourself? If you can kiss, hug, and long for another male, you're likely gay. If you just like to have sex with guys, or thats a fantasy, you likey are just a very sexual person and are probably str8. Remember again, whomever you feel "emotionally" connected to defines who you are. Not sexually. A lot of str8 men have sex or sexual feelings to men, that doesn't make them gay. Simply curious or very hormonal. However a str8 man isn't likely to be emotionally attached to another man. So use that as a guide, and be whatever you were made to me. God made us all, loves us all, and there is no councel or prayer to change how he made you. Just be happy, and be you. The bible is a great collection of stories written centuries ago, re-written thousands of times, and missing hundreds of books that some women even wrote. There are a lot of mysteries and theories on certain quotes and why they were altered or written. I wouldn't take anything word for word from something like that. Be you, Be spiritual, and be happy being you. "No matter whether you're black, white, str8 or gay, don't let anyone, ever, step in your way". Good luck, :)

Answer 3

Hey kid,

I do not believe in change personally. But let me note something, I've never felt so much as a tingle at any female in my life -- so you already have more bisexuality than I ever did.

But I note that you do not use parallel language in constructing your explanation. You say you have had feelings for guys for four years and only had one erection from a girl. What were these feelings? Did they give you erections? Or were they different?

You may be bisexual, or it may be that you are gay and experiencing hysteria due to worrying about your parents reaction to your coming out. It is also (IMHO) even possible that there is projection going on - - which if so, will end, it never sustains itself.

Your parents' fundamentalism (and I rather suspect that is what you mean, not Christianity, my parish for example would embrace and accept you instantly, gay, straight or bi -- and no that wouldn't be a cover to say "change." We don't believe in change, don't believe the Bible is the Word of God [see my website if you have questions about that] and certainly don't believe there is anything wrong or "sinful" about any sexuality. The only sin is when you harm someone.) does not effect this situation, it is a non-issue that simply causes you emotional anxiety -- which is why I mention it as something that may be providing pressure or projection.

I am unaware of anyone who has ever changed from gay to bi -- but you may already have been bi, as I said. Or this may be something due to your coming out -- that will pass.

*hug*

You are loved

Regards,

Reynolds
http://www.rebuff.org
[e-mail]

Answer 4

It is possible that you are bisexual. Bisexuals have an attraction towards both genders - usually more so to one than the other. What distinguishes a bisexual from the rest of the crowd is that they are unable to deny their attractions for both genders (even the smaller one). If you find that, despite having an increasing attraction towards women, that you simply cannot put guys out of your head - then I'd say you are bisexual.

If you eventually stop responding sexually towards guys, then it would mean that you simply transitioned from being homosexual to heterosexual. It does happen, and NOT as the result of prayer/therapy, or homosexuality being a "disease". Nor does it invalidate the existence of bisexuality.

Your anxiety and confusion is the result of internalising society's "either or" concept. Society likes to think of sexuality in black/white categories, and this causes problems for bisexuals.

Answer 5

I had the same problem when I was your age. As soon as I had decided that I was gay, I'd find myself attracted to a girl. And as soon as I decided I was straight I'd end up with a guy. After a while it occurred to me that there's no reason to label myself.

There's no reason to put yourself into a box like that. I would encourage you to avoid using the terms "gay," "straight," or even "bi," to describe yourself. Labels can be stifling and oversimplify a complicated subject.

Instead of considering yourself as having to ~be~ something, try to view yourself by your actions. Instead of "I'm gay," it's "I'm attracted to Jim." Or, instead of "I'm bi," it's, "Right now I'm attracted to Jim, but a couple of months ago I really liked Lisa." That doesn't put you in a situation where you have to worry about confusing people if and when you change your mind.

Answer 6

When I was 15 a breeze could give me an erection.

I don't think it means anything.

It's ok to be bisexual. If prayers were changing you, I would think it would work a little different than BOTH guys and girls giving you erections.

Even if someday you are living a straight life, that's cool, too. As long as you are happy and the process is about who turns you on, not who people think should turn you on, then its a good process.

Good luck to you.

Answer 7

Sexuality is fluid...meaning that what you desire; what turns you on will change and evolve as you grow. This is particularly true when you are a young man.

I came out when I was 15 too. I've never been attracted to women and now at 29, that is changing. How about you buck the trend and refuse to adopt any label?!? Don't confine yourself. Play safe.

Answer 8

Being gay isn't like seasons changing. It sounds like you haven't fully matured physically, mentally or sexually. Thats not a bad thing. It seems very obvious and apparent by what you've mentioned though. Whats your hurry to label yourself?

Perhaps you should consider a professional unbiased consult with a therapist? Or call a help line or something. I think something of this serious-nature shouldn't be dealt with on a casual-online basis.

This is your life. Be honest. Be careful. Be yourself.

Answer 9

okay, it sounds like you're bi, but then there are other things that could be going on, maybe you think girls a cute, but you'd never date one
i have a friend, who thinks girls are hot, but would never date one, she is totally straight, just comfortable.
i am bi, and i know it. i like both, i would date both, i can see myself with both. i'm fifteen too. and yeah, i started coming out about four months ago, and it would be hard to go back on it.

so you could be gay and open to the idea, but not into girls
and you could be bi, and for the four years you were into guys, you just saw guys you liked better than girls.
it's really something in yourself that you have to figure out, people can explain it to you and help you out, but it's something you have to do

Answer 10

At your age you're a mix of raging hormones, I remember I would get a rush to the groin at any opportunity - and what does it matter? You'll mature and doubtless experience and grow into whatever it is that you are. The labels we give ourselves around sexual orientation is not all that we are. We just have to ensure that we live our lives as faithfully and as honest to ourselves and our neighours as we can.

Chill.