How do I overcome my past to move on to my future?

Question

I haven't had the best past relationships. My previous relationship ended because of a fight that I got caught up in. It ended with me havin a black eye and a cracked rib. I waited about 3 years and then I started dating again. I have been with this guy for 3 years now, and I have told him what happens. But everytime we have an arguement... the littlest minor arguement, I get freaked out. He can lift his hand to swat a fly and I flinch. He doesn't deserve me... and he definatly doesn't deserve my lack of trust... I trust him... I love him. I just don't know what else I can do to prove to him that it isn't him. he tells me he understands that I still have to heal, and he says that he loves me and its ok. But I still feel bad that I can't give him all he deserves from me in our relationship. What can I do to help me overcome this and open up more to him?... he really does deserve it.

Answer 1

First you should thank god for him, and quit questioning things. Women always complicate things by thinking too much. It sounds as though you have found someone who genuinely loves you. I do not mean to judge you, but some women prefer to cling to drama, and can't handle it when life is normal. Dont be 1 of those, love him and trust him, and stop being afraid. He is your lover and protector, and you should sit back and let him do his job. My wife has some insecurity issues, but she is learning that one must learn to let go in order to move forward. If you can't differenciate between him and the last guy, and know that you are safe, then maybe you should seek counseling. I wish you luck, and pray that you will find peace. Good Luck.

Answer 2

You can deal with the past by realizing that it is history, MB's Gal. There is a saying that those who do not learn their history are doomed to repeat it. Learn from your history, then move on to a brighter future. Your bf sounds like a good man. Ask him to hold your hand each time you jump from bad memories. Ask him to tell you how well you've been managing your life, and how well you have been doing every day taking a step forward into your future. Ask him to spend quality time with you, cuddling while watching TV, or holding hands while walking in the park.

Good luck.

Answer 3

You really do need some assistance with putting the past in the past. It may be scarey, but you really have to make a decision that this is what you want and you may need to have counseling to help you. Keep in mind that it is only the feelings of the past memories keeping you in this state. Practice not letting your past experiences dictate how you are going to live out your future. Again, not a bad idea to get counseling. You don't have to practice with out help.

Answer 4

if you really love and trust him opening up to him shouldn't that hard and as for past relationships they take a long time to heal and even when they do heal youll always have the scar. and if he loves you as much as you think he does then you shouldnt have to prove anything to him. he should understand and try to help you move on and maybe your right maybe he doesnt deserve you maybe you deserve someone more understanding and trusting

Answer 5

i would tell him that you feel realy bad for how you react to him when he does that knowing that he is not going to hurt you, even though you know that what happened to you was not your fault, then tell him that you want to go see a counselor about it to get some advice on how to deal with it so that he does not have to worry about you flenching anymore when he does that. and then if he asks you if you want him to go with you for support , take the support, and if he does not ask, ask him to support you and go with you once at least. if he loves you it will not be a problem. good luck.