Do I take her to Counseling?

Question

My husband and I our getting a divorce, Because he was cheating. I left him because of that. My 6 year old daughter was mad at me for leaving so I told her why I left. Now I relize maybe that I shouldn't have done that. She will not have anything to do with her dad really. She will not talk to me about how she feels. She don't cry about it. she don't ask for him. She is really great to me. She tells me that I'm pretty. And that she loves me. But I don't know how to make her want to be with her daddy. She is a wonderful child, she deserves the best. I know she is hurt. Should I try to make her see him. I think maybe counseling will help. What do you think?

Answer 1

I would STRONGLY recommed family counselling...you may not be married to him anymore, but you will always be a family when a child is concerned. You did give her way too much information as she is only a baby...you realized that and unfortunately words cannot be revoked once spoken. I feel that at age 6 she is very sensitive to your body language and the emotions you think you are hiding, but she can see them. It also sounds as if she's trying to make up for what your ex-husband did not give you, and putting herself in the role of husband is of course, wrong. Children do this. They are smarter than we give them credit for. Please, do not bad mouth your husband to anyone unless you know there are no children around! Even so, I wouldn't do it as she seems to just "know" things. Bottom line is she needs to have a relationship with her father...especially if he really wants to see her. Yes, make her see him...you are the adult, she is the child...you know what is best for her and refusing to see him is not the answer. And please, please tell her that daddy did not leave because of her. Make an appointment for counselling soon...it will be the best for all of you!

Answer 2

I think that you should take her to counseling. I know that at the time you told her what was going on, you were probably not thinking very straight. In the future, you shouldn't say anything negative to her about her dad (whether it is the truth or not). When she gets old enough, she will understand, on her own, if he is a jerk or not. Just let her come to terms with him in her own time. When she does, then you can be there for her (either way). But if you, purposefully or not, turn her against him, when she gets older, she might be angry with you. (speaking from personal experience!) Hope that everything turns out for the best.

Answer 3

First of all, I'm concerned. It sounds as though that child is meeting your needs more than you are meeting hers. It is a parent's responsibility no matter what life circumstances that (s)he is going through to meet the needs of the child not the other way around. Family counseling (not necessarily for the purpose of reconciling) but to get through this with the least amount of damage to the child is the best thing. You and your ex should put aside your differences for the best interest of her no matter what. This child is just that a child she's being asked to process intellectually and emotionally adult matters. Divorce is a hard thing for all of you. I will keep you all in my prayers.

Answer 4

Counseling can't hurt - but be sure that one way or another, she understands that her daddy loves her. When parents are separated or divorced, the kids usually feel abandoned too. Maybe her dad could come visit her at your home. It would help if you and he could be nice to each other - you share a child, and will forever.

She shouldn't have to deal with the reasons for your breakup.

Answer 5

Getting her counseling is a good idea but you should consider getting it as well. Over the next few months your feelings will be on a roller coaster and it's easy to say things you shouldn't. Your hurt too and this will leave a mark on you as well. So find someone for you both so they can work with you on getting through this time and help you learn to help your daughter.Plus if would help if she knew you decided to forgive her dad for what he did but you don't want her to misunderstand anything. She needs to know you don't plan you get back with him but you are willing to be nice to each other because you want her to have a relationship with her dad in the best way possible.That he loves her and you never want to come between them.

Answer 6

I am really sorry to hear that and i understand what u r going through but i think its best if u respect her decisions and do get her counseling and if it hurts ur future ex that his daughter doesnt want to see him well thats what he gets he is big enough to deal with it but ur daughter isnt so make sure u protect her and get her some help

Answer 7

counseling would not hurt her at all, in fact it could be just the thing she needs. and then after that though she does have to deal with this in her own timing, no matter how long it takes, it is not good to force her to want to see him, she has to want to and that may take time, so just make sure that she knows that what her dady did had nothing to do with her , that it is not her fault and that he realy does love her , and that you hope some time she can understand that and forgive him. i realy do wish you the best! just remember to be supportive of what ever she decides, if she decides she wants nothing to do with him , she may change her mind down the road so dont loose hope! good luck!

Answer 8

yes you should my bf wont get counseling he lost his mom,dad and our little girl in 5 years not all or any at trhe same time. he is closed up in side and is pushing everyone away even me and he needs it so i think you need to get her help or she may do the same thing but if you are going to do it now dont let it go to far.

Answer 9

i did consuling when i got put on probation..... dont do it. My counselor was just a stuck up asshole who thought he knew everyting. i am strongly against counselors and i just recomend u let her see her dad. My friend Kyle is 16 and has the same problem, but lives with his dad. he just goes to his moms like every weekend and on bout half the holidays.And it all works out.

Answer 10

It probably was a little more information than she needed to know at this point in her life. I think it would be a very good idea for her to see a counselor.