Would you be hurt if you were told you were 'unnatural' by your parent?

Question

Ever since I told my mother that I was bisexual, over two years ago, I haven’t felt comfortable. She told me that she “didn’t think I was one of –them-.” I had recently ‘updated’ her, so to say, by telling her I was a lesbian; I had figured this out by attempting several straight relationships, but never felt comfortable during these experiences.

I’ve done all this for my mother, yet despite my explanations and my patience with her, she still says that, while she accepts me as a person, that she doesn’t believe I’m a lesbian, or says I’m unnatural, or that she raised me wrong.

Am I wrong for being so sensitive over such this small word, “unnatural”?

Answer 1

My mom is a biologist, so she could straighten out your mom on the meaning of "natural". Seriously!

Look, I know it's hard and I know all too well how it feels.
Your mother (like mine) was raised in the old school and she can't just chuck out a lifetime even though she loves you. It's something that takes time, but true acceptance does happen. Hang in there, meanwhile, and thank your lucky stars that you have a mom who loves you!

I'm lucky - at least I had one thing going for me, because my mom really is a biologist and she doesn't believe all the anti-gay crap. She's not against it on religious grounds either. But, still, it took a while for her to really accept that I'm lesbian. We get along pretty well now, and she's not the least bit awkward or anything about it nowadays.

My brother is still a little unsure, but usually a few drinks loosens him up. We go out to the bars sometimes and have a lot of fun together. He doesn't even bat an eyelash these days if I hit on some girl he was eyeballing. LOL. I guess I'm lucky.

You hang in there.

Answer 2

I think you have every right to be hurt. But I also think that your mother will eventually accept you, sooner or later. Once she realises that a lesbian can be a good person, and that you haven't really changed, she'll come to terms with your reality. I don't think that would be an easy thing to assimilate. But she's your mother. She loves you and she thinks she's doing it for your good, especially if she's religious and she's afraid you're going to hell for this, (which BTW I don't believe in), or if she has the more reasonable fear that you'll suffer a lot of social discrimination.

But when she learns that what you need is her acceptance rather than her trying to change you "back" to what you never were, she'll learn to love you.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Older people are usually like that. My grandma didn't want me to hang to hang out with my gay friends because she said they would turn me. Well I was so mad I turned around and told her I was alreday one of them(although I'm not) and she told me I couldn't be because I just couldn't and because she said I can't. lol which just made it worse.

Theres nothing really wrong with you being sensitive over being called unnatural by your own mother, I think anyone would be hurt by such words. Hopefully you have let her know how this makes you feel, but keep in mind thats it probably going to take her a while to get used to the idea and get over her preconcieved notions about hetero vs homosexuality.

Answer 4

I'm 39. My mother still thinks that someday I'm gonna wake up and want to be married to a "nice girl" and have some kids. She believes God will eventually make that change.

My 16 year anniversary is next weekend. If God made that change now, I would be significantly ticked off.

I don't get offended by her beliefs anymore. I don't discuss it with her. When and if she attempts to bring it up, I tell her that I don't wish to discuss things that we disagree about. If she wants to argue, she needs to call one of my sisters.

It has worked quite well.

I know what she believes... and my relationship has lasted 5 years longer than her longest marriage . We can have a good relationship in spite of our differences.

Answer 5

I've been told all the worse things by my father, even though i'm straight.
Imagine thins, he called me "disgusting" when did a thing as innocent as getting a lip piercing. So don't worry, they always do that. Just don't let it bother you.
Are you living the life for your mother or for yourself? Ignore the biyatch, or find something that really really hurts her, and each time she says something bad about you being a lesbian, you return her with bringing up something really nasty that she regrets from her past. She'll soon stop doing it.

Answer 6

Your mother has an issue with sexuality obviously.She is blaming herself and calling you unnatural because she is trying to deal with her own feelings on this subject.Give her some time and maybe she might come around.If she loves you and your family is strong then she will learn to accept you as you are.But she may never accept your sexuality and this is something you may never be able to change.Family is everything and so don't give up on her..Unless she gives up on you.And even then, remember, she is always going to be your mother.

Answer 7

No you are not being oversensitive. You have to understand that until recently being gay or lesbian was totally wrong and kept in the closet. This was pumped into your mother's head and it is hard for her to change her mind.
Also, with you being a lesbian she knows that you will not be giving her grandchildren.

Answer 8

i have been hurt by things my mom said, when i told her i was gay, she told me that i was just confused. that it was a phase.
she told me that she loved me, but not that part of me.
once i brought a guy to meet her, and she pulled me aside and told me that she never wanted to meet any of my dates again.
it hurt that she was like that to me, we had been so close before, but then it dawned on me that she was in denial. it took time for her to get used to the idea, and now she asks about my partner and how he's doing. she actually has even invited us to come up and visit her-together.
it's not an easy road you're on, but keep playing it cool, and don't let her unnerve you. let her know that you are not unnatural, and that she did not raise you wrong. let her know that you have finally accepted who you are, and that while she might not agree with that lifestyle, you love her, and know that she loves you too.
you may need to give her some time away from her to let her think. it may even give her an idea of what life without you in it may be like.

Answer 9

Rejection, for any reason, by one's parents is hurtful. Of course you are not wrong or overly sensitive. Many parents seem to think homosexuality is indicative of "bad parenting" as if one did something "wrong" to cause their child to become homosexual. You know that's not the case. Sadly, you may have to rethink your relationship with your mother if she is unable and unwilling to respect your right to be who you are. I wish you all the best.

Answer 10

Your mom has strong values. She's going to disagree with you on this.
It's good that she accepts you. She is not rejecting you, only what you are doing at this time.
There are many who have escaped lesbianism
check out -