My dad lived a double life, on one side he was this nice guy, engineer, very accomplished, and all that... but lately we found out that he has had this addiction to alcohol, and other vices and he is so consumed by it now that he's thrown away just about everything, including 40 years of marriage, my mom just couldn't take it any longer.. me and my brothers have tried many things to rehabilitate him and keep our respect towards him, but he's practically turned his back on us, and his life is terribly miserable. He sleeps on the streets, gets beat up by guys that steal his money when he gets his pension, he sleeps with tramps and dirty ho's he's probably got some veneral diseases from them, he stinks and all the rest... yet we can'd do anything... he got out of ever treatment we've arranged for him. is he trying to kill himself??
Anybody has any ideas?
2006-07-01 17:11:57 · 18 answers · asked by Pivoine 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
First of all, let me start by saying I'm sorry for your situation, and I mean that sincerely. Second, I was completely in love with a man who had several addictions, alcohol, drugs, etc and I tried very hard to help him stop, I tried rehabs, was supportive, and the whole nine yards, and it never worked, because he didn't want it too. As much as it hurts you, you just have to let him go, once he hits HIS rock bottom and decides he needs to change, he will get the help he needs, but he has to want it, and he has t do it, none of you can do it for him, no matter how much you want to. I know it's a hard thing to do, but it's all you can do, sometimes all we can do is let them know we are there, and we love them, and then let them fall on their face. By the way Jeff elder is a complete jerk, and another one of those IGNORANT people I was talking about earlier, and he would do us all good to keep his stupid answers to himself.
2006-07-01 17:19:34 · answer #1 · answered by jensarquist 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
It sounds as if your dad is severely depressed and is using all the other things such as alcohol and his other vices that you didn't list as ways to comfort himself. I'm sorry to say this but there isn't a lot you can do right now. You can maybe get him admitted to a mental hospital for evaluation but I'm not very sure about the whole process. Beyond that there isn't anything you can really do for him until he realizes that he has problems to fix. It is like the old saying you can take a horse to water but you can't make him drink. You can arrange treatment for your dad but at the end of the day you can't make your dad want to follow through with his treatment. It all depends on him. There might come a time when you'll have to let him go to save your family's sanity. It will be hard and it will be beyond painful but it will be the only choice you'll have left. I'm so sorry for what your family is going through.
2006-07-01 17:21:26 · answer #2 · answered by moma 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs serious professional help. Talk with an attorney, have a family meeting and look at options. Hoping he gets better on his own is just wishful thinking. Calling it Depression and repeating some pat phrase heard on The Sopranos isn't going to help this person and their family. They need action. Take action to get him to the right doctors and see if he can be held even if against his will at first for treatment. The doctors can help with that and an attorney can help protect the family and limit the liablility of what he has access to in terms of property and money. Sorry you are going through this, but these are the best steps to get a handle on this to control it, because as of now he sounds out of control. Mental problems are just like any other medical condition and they need treatment for it.
2006-07-01 17:21:35 · answer #3 · answered by jumpingrightin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately this is the life of an addict and an addicts family. I am sure many people will tell you that you cannot do anything until he is ready, and they are right. If he does not want to get help then you cannot do anything. My advice to you is this. You are the child and he is the parent. Live your life. Be there for your father emotionally but you have to live you life. Take his mistakes and learn from them what not to do with the family that you will have one day. Your father had made this decision on his own and you cannot live hislife for him. I know that you will worry about him and that you love him dearly otherwise you would not have ttaken the time to ask this question but sweetie you are the child it is not your job to take care of your father. Your mother did the right thing. She took you and your brother out of a bad situation to protect you from seeing your father self destruct. I hope and pray that he finds the help that he needs but that is up to him and him alone. You should be worried about your life right now. Make your decisions and keep living. This goes for your brother as well.
Good luck sweetie.
2006-07-01 17:21:18 · answer #4 · answered by lvb524 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he has gotten to a point of despair where he has given up on himself. He fought his alcoholism by himself for years because he was ashamed to admit to his family that he was an addict. When it finally became clear to his family what he had become, the bottle was all that mattered. Now he has lost his wife and everything he worked for his whole life. Alcoholism does that. some people just can't give it up and it destroys them. No matter how much they want to quit, they want that drink more. At this point, about the only thing you can do is try to get a court order to have him committed.
2006-07-01 17:26:51 · answer #5 · answered by oldman 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so so sorry to hear this sadness in your life. Others have just about hit the nail on the head with their advise. Continue to love your father. He needs to hit rock bottom and admit he has a problem and he, and only he, can decide he wants help. If you and your brothers set him up with help this is like swimming against the tide. HE has to want to change.
I know this is hard on you and your family. But all of you need to be there for each other as well as be there for your father for when he decides he needs and wants help.
I just buried my dad two weeks ago, and it is not until they are gone that you truly know and remember all the love and good things dads do for us through out our lives.
Try to keep in contact with your father and tell him every time you see or talk to him that you LOVE him!
2006-07-01 17:30:53 · answer #6 · answered by MBELL 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alcoholism is a very serious issue. You, unfortunately, are witnessing what can happen when a person refuses to take responsibility for themselves. I am sorry you are going through this. The best you can do is continue to love him and hope he wants to help himself at some point. That is the only way change can happen - the person is ready to do something different. All the best.
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
2006-07-01 17:15:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not turn your back on him!. Your father is not your father anymore but a person with a disease. Any drug addiction alters the mind and behavior of those that are in it.
My solution to every situation is prayer. Nothing is impossible for/to God. Seek advise from your pastor/church.
Once you surrender this problem to God ask yourself "what is my role in this situation?" There is learning in this, what is it?
You will see that you are strong and compassionate. Answers will come to you.
Rehab is a must and since your father's mental condition is so deteriorated you might be able to get him in without his signature.
Do not loose you faith
2006-07-01 17:23:11 · answer #8 · answered by hmc121667 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A lot of the time, people who exhibit this kind of self-destructive behavior were abused as children, either psychologically or physically or both. They never learned coping skills, and they are continuing the abuse (now self-abuse) that they subconsciously believe they deserve. They need therapy, and a lot of times that therapy consists simply of someone convincing them that they deserve to be happy for no other reason that that they are human beings.
2006-07-01 17:16:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey in order for your dad to be helped, he has to want help, there is no person or thing that is going to change him, until he decides he wants to change himself, that doesn't mean you should stop loving him, or caring about him, but until he wants help, and asks for help, there is not a thing you or your family can do.
I know this is not what you want to hear, and I am truly sorry if this hurts you even more, but only he can decide when he wants to change.
2006-07-01 17:18:00 · answer #10 · answered by shezdoni2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋