he just said this out of the blue. i always see him as a friend. but sometimes remark like this really hurt me. should i just ignore it? laugh at it, even if deep inside it really hurts just so i can save my face, or should i tell him that i was hurt and i don't like what he said? part of me wants to tell him that i am not different i am as human as you are. its just that i like guys, but part of me just want to cry and not say anything at all. what makes it painful is because after all these years, i learned that he never truly accepted me for what i really am. and it hurts to know this, i really thought i am his friend.
2006-07-01 16:40:06 · 18 answers · asked by patric 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Throughout your life you will learn that many people who you thought were friends were not.
Humans don't make the best friends... but we don't have a lot of choice in the matter, so we must accept that many of them won't turn out to be as wonderful as we once thought they were.
It's ok. You can find other people.
I suggest weaning yourself of that friendship as quickly as possible. When/if the friend asks why when he notices, tell him you didn't think it was good for your self image to hang with him considering he thinks so poorly of you.
You don't have to convince him of anything. You don't have to change his mind about gay people. You don't have to worry about it.
It hurts, I know. But there is no way to avoid hurt when engaging in human relationships. That's just the way we are.
2006-07-02 04:51:01 · answer #1 · answered by Dustin Lochart 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋
What do you mean he doesn't accept you for *what* you are? You aren't a "what", you're a who. A complete person. If he doesn't accept part of you, or is made uncomfortable by any part of you, then you should be able to discuss it as if you were discussing any other disagreement. Of course you can hold your own opinions, but it is not acceptable to belittle a friend because they are different from you in any way. That's not what a friend does. You need to tell him you were offended. If he doesn't understand or makes excuses, he isn't a very good friend. I'm sorry that it hurts you so much.
Best wishes,
--Ginny
2006-07-02 00:18:06 · answer #2 · answered by ginevra1weasley 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the issue has nothing to do with the fact that you are gay. Sounds like he may be as insecure himself for saying that to you. Picking on the feeble is not very man-like. I wonder if this persons father acts like that? Everyone thinks they are the Alpha when contrasting themselves amongst the stereotypically weak in society. A real friend would not say such a thing. If you want to be his friend still, then confront him about it only once about the"F__got" issue. If he doesn't comply or respect you afterwards, than never submit yourself as a friend to him again. You are not weak!! I am a straight with a cousin who is a young gay man. He has faced similar situations like yours. After watching him suffer a few times, I stopped being the bigot and started showing compassion about his matter. It's not a gay or straight thing. Its a lesson in humanity. Take care.
2006-07-02 10:42:58 · answer #3 · answered by Shane G 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As your friendship has lasted all these years (and him strayt, too?), he probably didn't think or consider that this word could have an impact on you.
It's only a word, own it. Let him know that unless he's a raging queen, he's not allowed to use the f@ggot word. Just like the N-word and the African Americans, in the US. Alternatively, laugh it off and call him Breeder...
But don't let this slip, on his part, make you instantly believe he thinks any less of you as his friend.
2006-07-02 07:45:29 · answer #4 · answered by unclefrunk 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think people can be rather insensitive when they are more than likely trying to let you know that they "know" and not sure how to get it out. And in frustration can say the wrong words.
Ignorance isn't pretty nor does it make anyone happy. Friends come and go. Learn to identify your true friends. Be pro-active in your search for friends that accept and appreciate you. There are more like you out there than you know. Not all are accepting. Not all are ignorant either. Be yourself and love it!
Good luck.
2006-07-02 00:02:52 · answer #5 · answered by Active Denial System™ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are different -- so is he.
You are different in a culture that wants conformity -- of course, we're all different, but in a multicultural society, we're expected to blend in and yet celebrate our difference at the same time. Some days it just gives me a headache...
Tell him. Tell him that you are human, you are still the same human, but now you are honest with yourself and with others. Yeah, you held this secret... but we all hold secrets. Some people just choose to tell them and it makes their lives better...
Tell him this has the potential to make your friendship stronger because now you are more open about who you are and value his friendship enough to be upfront about who you are and how you feel and if your friendship means anything, then it means it because of who you are, not who you love. Anyone who can't respect that isn't worthy of your friendship anyway.
In the meantime, yeah, cry, throw things (not breakable things unless it can be done safely) -- because this hurts, dammit, right down to your bones, down to the soles of your feet.
If you say nothing, you both lose. Best of luck and best of wishes for now and always!
2006-07-02 00:24:58 · answer #6 · answered by blueowlboy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think a quick left jab might have done the job a little better...tell him you are so sorry you hurt him, and if he ever talks to you in that tone again, he won't be getting up so soon. I suspect his opinion of you will change drastically. It is time to lay down the 'turn the other cheek" and get down to it. For the most part, straights are a bunch of pansys who couldn' t fight their way out of a paper bag.
2006-07-02 01:02:17 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't imagine what you are going through but I couldn't be friends with someone who doesn't accept me for who I am completely ... I think you should tell him it hurts you. Maybe if he knows where you are coming from and he cares about your friendship enough .. he'll try harder to understand you and accept you as you are. I wish you luck and hope you know that you are much better than those comments made to you ...
2006-07-01 23:45:32 · answer #8 · answered by Hollyhocks 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a jerk. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I know it can be hard to speak your mind, but if you are hurt you should say something. If he is your friend, he would respect you and apologize. If he isn't, then at least you'll know and can look for friends who won't mistreat you.
2006-07-01 23:52:39 · answer #9 · answered by Maggie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes peoples true colors come out and expose their inner selves. The same thing happened with my cousin who I use to kick it with all the time. We use to talk about everything. Then one day we got in an argument and she told me to get the ***** out my mouth. I haven't talked to her since. You have to love yourself and respect yourself enough to not allow others to abuse you. Sometimes its just best to love others from a distance.
2006-07-02 02:32:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋