Am I justfied in cheating?

Question

A month before we got married, my husband confessed to me that he had feelings for one of my bridesmaids, and they had decided against persuing it, for my benifit. I worried too much about what everyone would think if I posponed of cancled the wedding, so I went through with it. But weeks and months after we got married, I kept finding letters and cards and texts to and from each other. Each time I confronted him, he just brushed it off. I don't have the heart to leave him, becuase he's said he'd kill himself. There's no more love here, so am I justified in looking for someone else? If so, who's out there 18-30 male, and from the midwest?

To answer JB, I'M NOT THE ONE WHO CHEATED.

Answer 1

Yeah jus get a divorce...he is probably banging your friend anyways..and hes just emotionally blackmailing you to stay with him. you deserve better. and someone that truely loves you. don't jus go out and get a guy cus you can. go out and get one that loves you for you.....

Answer 2

You made the mistake of going thru with the wedding, you should have cancelled it on the spot. Why should you worry what people would think? It's your life not theirs...and now you're stuck in a marriage that you shouldn't be in.
Personally, I think the only justifiable reason for divorce is either infidelity or abuse. I would say, depending on the content of the letters and texts, etc, that this may qualify as both cheating and emotional abuse. I would tell him that you're leaving him, and that nothing he can say matters. He isn't going to commit suicide, he'll be shackig up with whatsherface before your side of the bed gets cold, and you're silly if you think otherwise.
Normally I would say that you need to work it out....but you should never have even married the jerk in the first place. You don't have a marriage, you have a roommate.
Don't sink to his level. Divorce him first, then find yourself a nice guy. You may look into an annulment, you may not need an actual divorce. You'll feel much better about yourself if you end your marriage without cheating first.

Answer 3

Cheating in retribution for a spouse's cheating is not the best way to handle your problem. Two wrongs just don't make a right. Did you love your husband before you found him cheating at the altar? You probably did. And if you look deep inside, beyond the pain that his cheating is causing you, you likely still love him. If you didn't you wouldn't be so concerned now. He may have made his own bed, and it may be a hellish one, because he can't give you up and still he knows he is wronging you. First, get professional help for counseling. If he doesn't want to, then simply say, "Where shall I have the divorce papers sent to, it won't be here, because you won't live here." But to enter into your own illicit affair will only make matters worse. First, you will be as much to blame in any subsequent divorce. Second, I imagine you would be open about it to your husband, but should you try to deceive him, you will just enter the same kind of hell he is in. Sneaking around being unfaithful is not so easy and it can make you feel very bad about yourself in the end. Don't do it.

Answer 4

Sorry, but nothing justifies cheating. If you cheat, then you are being as low as he is.

Either the two of you get counseling and try to work on it (which means he drops this other woman), or you leave. My ex had told me over and over that he 'would kill himself if I left.' Guess what? He never did!! I left him a year ago and he is still alive and kicking (darn it).

I feel it's ok to see someone else IF you are separated and file for dvorce.

Good luck!

Answer 5

Well here is a little bit of advice...save anything that he and she had given to one another and go down to the court house file for divorce and provide your attorney with the evidence of him being unfaithful. Don't cheat on him...wait for a legal separation from the court other wise you will look bad. Remember to keep your head up and never forget that you are better than both of those negative people. Good Luck and God Bless you in your journey!

Answer 6

No you shouldn't cheat...you should separate from your husband. Don't worry about what ppl think, tell your family the marriage is working out, find a place to stay, start the divorce process. Then start dating. Don't make the situation more of a mess by cheating.

Answer 7

First off, you cannot stay with a person just because they threaten suicide. Threats like that are all about controlling other peoples behavior to suit them. It is all about not accepting responsibility for their own actions, and not caring about anyone else but themselves. (more later)


***side note***
Even though it will not happen, if you think your man would commit suicide if you just left him, what do you think he would do if he found out you cheated? That is millions of times worse.

Cheating in a marriage is never acceptable. You know that or you wouldn't be asking the question. Trust me, you don't want to become "that kind of girl." There are alot of idiots out there that think the only marriage vow is "till death do us part." That is not the case. Forsaking all others is also a vow. From what you write, it doesn't sound like your husband is doing that. Thus, you are 100% in the right, no one with any sense would ever judge negatively, your family will understand, etc...to file for divorce and leave him.

It sounds like you guys haven't been married very long; sounds like kids are not involved, probably don't have a great deal of mutual assets (even if you did, it wouldnt matter, I just say all that to get to this), divorce can happen fast, cheat and painless. Then, you will be free to pursue another relationship, in good faith, without being "that kind of girl."

If you don't listen to anything else, believe this:

You dont want any part of a man that is willing to develop a relationship with another mans wife. Good men, the kind that a woman would want to spend the rest of her life with, would not touch a married woman with a 10 foot pole.

Men and women that cheat on their spouses are low life scum. The people that they cheat with are a little less than 1 rung on the ladder above them. No matter what, you don't want to be 1 of them.

***suicide***

Sure, you cant take a suicide threat lightly ever, but it isn't your responsibility. Dudes are very successful in suicide, unlike women. However, if you read up on it, men that do it, although they show signs, rarely admit what they are up to. Look, I had a buddy, not a cheater, a good dude that did anything and everything right and good for his wife, but she cheated and decided to leave him. He threatened this same crap. Whenever she left, she called me and told me what she had done, and what he said he was going to do. I went to his house, called up his brother and a couple of other friends. We took turns staying with him at his house, at night, for weeks, till he got better. That is his family and friends responsibility. You know, he got better, over it, etc. faster than any of the rest of my friends that got divorced who never pulled that crap. Fact is, he is mentally unstable. He cries and wines like a 5 year old, and he is a grad degreed, business owning, successful man.

Fact is, you should have never married him, but you did...so do the right thing, file for divorce, leave him, get divorced and dont become a low life cheating scum like him and others.

Answer 8

This is pathetic. Divorce the guy, you obviously are done with him because you didn't quite want to marry him anyway. And he's got a thing for your friend so it won't hurt his feelings - then he can date her openly. Move on. This was not meant to be - don't make it worse by cheating - that's just the sad way out of it. Do the right thing and end it right.

Answer 9

Well first of all if you are not happy leave and get out find the one that will always make you heart crumble when you see them. If someone talks about killing themselves they are not just a ploy to keep you right where he wants you but its your decession but listen to outsiders they have no reason to lie to you..I really wished I would have found this along time ago it would have helped me so much which it has I just found it today and so glad i did....Good luck ps but it dont justify for you to cheat because it will make just as bad as him get rid of him first and then get on....

Answer 10

NO! When you cheat on some one you let them loose all there trust in you an this cause alot of heart ack and pain. Try and move on if you cant work it out and try to find out why you cheated in the first place then you try not to let the same obstacle cause you to cheat again. You should have called the wedding off because there was a distruction waiting to happen. YOUR HUSBAND IS A BASTARD AND HE ONLY WANTS TO KILL HIMSELF BECAUSE HE IS VERRY GUILTY AND IT'S RIDING HIS ***. MOVE ON AND GET A MAN WOH REALLY LOVE YOU YOU WILL FIND HIM!

Answer 11

There's never an excuse for cheating. Divorce the man. I highly doubt he will kill himself. he is just saying that to control you. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. So divorce him and then you can get involved with someone else.