my husband and myself have been together almost 8 years i have caught him 4 times taking to women on line this last time i caught him he had been calling the girl from his cell phone our home phone and his job phone it cause a big argument i made him call the girl up and had her on speaker with him in the room instead of trying to make things right with me he was trying to defend his actions with the girl she said she no longer will talk to him cause he told her he was in the process of a divorce the thing is i do not believe he has stop talking to her i no longer trust him as he has done this 4 times already and each time i have given him another chance i am afraid to trust him anymore its affecting our relationship i am in therapy because of it we argue all the time when i see him on line its not fair cause i was a good and faithfull wife to him do not know what to do i can use some good advice ..we do not have children together we are both in our 30's .
2006-07-01 14:40:36 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your situation sounds a lot like mine. The truth of the matter is that he isn't going to stop or change until he's ready to stop and change. You are going to have to stop thinking of who he used to be, who you want him to be, or who he could potentially be and call a spade a spade. See him for who he really is. He's inconsiderate, disrespectful and careless especially if he knows that you will see the house and cell phone bills. He doesn't even respect you enough to be discreet. More than likely this young lady has not stopped talking to him because we all know how it is and how we feel when people express an interest or attraction in us and we feel the same way. If she thought for a second that your husband was a potential mate then more than likely she still talks to him and he's still lying to her about getting a divorce. Just like you want to believe that he will change, she wants to believe that he isn't really 'that bad' Pull his 'punk' card and do what you have to do for you. He will either change for the moment until he wins you back and then revert back to his old ways or he'll change for good. But don't let that be the motivation for you taking care of your business. If that's what he wants then so be it. Let him do his thing. In the meantime do whatever you can do to make yourself a more valuable woman and person. Do what makes you feel good about yourself and try not to focus so much on him and in doing that you will see that you don't need or deserve what he's giving you anyway. I don't believe in divorce either but if you want to take it from a Biblical standpoint he's already committed adultery and defiled your marriage bed. Ultimately the decision is yours and for you to live with and regardless of what everyone here has told you, you are the only one that knows whether you can continue to live in your situation.
2006-07-01 18:17:38 · answer #1 · answered by Sweet_Sassy_Scorpio 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Oh yea..he is just fooling around on the computer, the phone..and the motel rooms..and he is totally faithful. Just how many signs do you need, girl??? How about some 8 X 10 glossy photos...will that spur you to action, or just give you more to whine about. Sorry to be so harsh, but you are hurting and you need a scoldling. Get YOUR butt on the phone Monday morning and call a lawyer...your "Man" ain't all yours. And he has run this game over and over..knowing from past experieince he can do anything he wants to you and you will take it. This is the 4th time, and it is July....Perhaps an INDEPENDENCE DAY is called for here...declare yours and give him his freedom to go live in a motel. Wise up and take some action. You are not going to start liking yourself again until you make things straight. Divorce is the only thing that is going to straighten out this mess.
2006-07-01 14:49:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him an ultimatum. It's the computer or you. The decision should be made immediately.....not tomorrow.
My cousin did the same mistake...in fact both her and her husband started cheating each other by meeting someone on line. She did it as a revenge. Flew from Germany all the way to the US of A....only to find the guy of her dreams bald and old. She went back home and is happy with her husband again. They had their third child after all the cheating. I talked to her on the phone once and she regretted her actions very much...she said that through her experience she realized how perfect she and her husband are for each other.
2006-07-01 14:54:42 · answer #3 · answered by justmemimi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You deserve better than that. Get out and find you a man that will love you and only you. I know they are men like that b/c I am one of them. He no longer loves you or repects you. I know it is hard when you have kids. But when I found my wife cheating on me(that is what he is doing to you) It only took me 2 days to get in to see a lawyer. I filled right then and in 30 days I was a free man. You dont need this and neither does you children. It will be hard at first but trust me it does get easier on all of you. Most likely if you wee or are a good wife and I am guess you are then he will miss you when you are gone and try to get you back. You must stay strong through this part and dont take him back. You will find that person that will love you the way you should be loved. Good luck
2006-07-01 14:50:20 · answer #4 · answered by bigdog_0032 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is a loser... he is not going to change... it is not going to get better... he is not going to be any different with any other woman... it is not your fault... there is no justification... this kind of stuff only gets worse...
you are better off without him and if you know friends and have family then you have support and get out and dont go back no matter what words he uses to try to coax you back...and remember, they ALWAYS come back....
he will not change... the longer you stay the less respect he has for you and b1tchin aint gonna fix it... you are still young... its not you, its not the marriage, it is him...he is a loser and right now you are stuck in a cycle of his deceit and your reaction to it...and i am sure somehow or other it is all your fault too... he is twisted and you are buying into his garbage...he is the one who needs the therapy...you know what is wrong, in a marriage one is to be faithful...isnt that rule #1... why the h... be married then??
stop being his scapegoat for the pathetic creature that he is... in the long run, he will come across exactly the type of woman he deserves....
take care of yourself and then you will be able to gloat... but by then you wont even care anymore...
okay, otherwise, the day will come when you will wake up, and you will realize that it is over.... if you must stay, take care of yourself...that day will come because you know that what he is doing is wrong and you will be sick and tired of complaining about it and putting up with it... you just have to get to that day after you stop blaming yourself, and/or accepting the blame that he is putting off on you... you can live without him... you can and you will look back and wonder why you didnt leave sooner... he is an unfaithful man and who knows what else he has done that you are not aware of...
like you, i dont believe in divorce either
2006-07-01 15:18:05 · answer #5 · answered by KAREN 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry he has done this to you!! What a jerk!! Maybe you just need to move on & meet someone new that will love you!! You can meet men 100% FREE, no strings attached here http://www.plentyoffish.com There are people registered from all over the world here & I met a few great guys here before I met my man locally. Another thing, since he has been wrong & apparently has no concern of your feelings, make sure you take his butt to the cleaners if y'all divorce. Spousal support/alimony, retirement, medical coverage, etc. Whatever your state allows. And maybe you should consider spending a hundred bucks or so and download a keylogger program that also takes snapshots of the computer screen. Here is an awesome one I have on my Mac computer http://www.spector.com
Good luck!!
2006-07-01 14:50:36 · answer #6 · answered by maryannmccarthy2003 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I think you can do better than this guy. If he had cheated on you in the past, he will continue to do so.
I don't know if counseling would help. As the old joke goes, "How many counselors does it take to change a light bulb. Just one, but only if the light bulb really WANTS to change." If your husband doesn't want to change his ways, no amount of therapy will help.
You gave him a second chance, and a third and a fourth chance. End this relationship and find someone more trustworthy.
2006-07-01 15:05:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Coming from a man who is in his 30's with 2 boys under the age of 4 and who spends a lot of time online, much of it viewing porn. He is scamming on these women. I wouldn't trust him. This is not something that I have ever done but there are many ads to meet women in your area which provide this venue for a potential sexual encounter. Sounds like he's shoppin'. Since you don't have any children I would give him just enough rope to hang himself with or simply move out now as you say this is the 4th time. Honestly, he is probably wishing for a 3some sexual encounter as the women who post themselves on these sites are generally more sexually open or experimental.
2006-07-01 14:48:34 · answer #8 · answered by Jason 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to get the boot! Four times is four times too many! Marriage isn't about being unfaithful and that's exactly what he's being. I'm sure you have doubts about being able to find someone so late in life because dating has become harder over the years, but even if you have to remain single it's much better than being stomped on by some guy who doesn't even care. He doesn't deserve the title of "husband". Letting go isn't easy but it needs to be done. He's not worth the heartache if he doesn't take your emotions in for consideration. Good luck and I hope you make the right decision.
2006-07-01 14:45:13 · answer #9 · answered by youdontknowme 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Last time when my husband chat online, I dun feel anything, I thought its no harm for him to chat online. I trusted him. But later, I found out that he have an affair with a divorced woman whom he get to know thru chatline. U see, never trusted a man who always chat online with woman. Even how deep he loves you, eventually one day he able to meet someone cheap. This cheap person will willing to be his mistress. If he truly love you, he will be able to stop chatting online. Believe me, throw away the computer........
2006-07-01 15:23:56 · answer #10 · answered by rose 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋