Should "the other man" in a relationship stop all contact so the couple can work on marriage?

Question

My son is fixing to be 20 years old. He recently moved in with his best friend and his new wife. They have been married for a bit over a year and have a small baby.

My son has admitted to me feelings for his friends wife siting "she got married for the wrong reasons to satisfy her dieing fathers wishes" and "we can complete eachothers sentences and that they have been talking about divorce for a while".

I explained that he is treading on dangerous water. He has since "hinted" that things are more serious than he previously confessed. Only now the bestfriend suspects and has asked my son to move out only his wife doesnt want him to leave. She has told my son that if he moves she will visit him daily to cook and clean for him.

I have advised my son to drop them completely and not make plans to be with her as he is doing now. He is planning on getting a place and being with her.

He needs to hear from others that he needs to move and drop any and all contact.

Could the husband sue for complete child custody in a situation like this "adultery"? Could my son be sued for "alienation of affection" by the husband?

When I had told him that he cannot make plans with a married woman and how morally it is wrong and if she is doing it with him she will do it to him. He told me that "sometimes you have to do the wrong thing to get the right outcome."

See, right now she is playing both ends. My son has no job at this time so her dh is paying all bills but my son is the one who has been the caretaker of the couples baby.
Its so bad that ppl in our county have questioned whether or not my son is the father of the baby. (Im unsure/doubtful due to the timeline). Ppl have even commented that it looks bad for her to be seen all over town with my son and rarely with her dh. My son doesnt even own a car now because all $$ he had was given to the couple to pay bills.
Basically, my son has been used by both to his own detriment. Im so worried 4 him.

Answer 1

This is no knock on your son, because many men, young and old, are suckered in to believing a cheating wife's lines about how she was meant to be with him, she only married her husband because she had to, she really loves him, not her husband and on and on and on. Unfortunately, many men, like your son, follow what they want to believe, rather than what they know is true.

Sure, he should cut off all contact with her. If he was meant to be with that girl, she should do the right thing, leave her man, get a divorce and then pursue another relationship. Plus, maybe time away from the situation will give him some time to let his head clear and see the situation for what it really is, and, most importantly, see her for what she really is.

I know he isn't thinking about this right now, but how could a man ever trust a woman that was cheating on her husband? I guess some dudes have a large enough ego to believe that she would never do it to him. Plus, he probably has this crazy idea that she is a "good" girl, and isn't a cheater (or pick any other dirty word)...it was just "different" with him. Right?

Your son is awfully young to be thinking he needs to spend the rest of his life with a friends wife. Honestly, and I think this plays in to all situations like your sons, there has to be a self-esteem issue. She must really build his ego up, right? Seriously, it is quite unusual for a 20 year old dude to be fixed on marrying a girl he hasn't even had an exclusive relationship with, let alone, the fact that she is freaking married.

I skimmed some post where a dude made mention that your son is putting himself in a potentially dangerous situation. You know, as much as we would like to believe that it isn't true, it is. Passion related violence is fairly common. I'm no lawyer, but I have watched enough court tv to know, that passion related violence, including murder, doesn't even carry the same level of punishment. Why? They say because it is not premeditated. I guess that is true, but some part of me thinks that law makers, judges, lawyers, etc. kinda/sorta understand where a cheated husband is coming from.

You think the above paragraph is bad. Check this...it only gets worse. Say your son does the right thing, okay? Who knows how this girl will react! She might (probably) will get superfly upset with your son, because she will be forced to make a decision, do the right thing, etc., which most dont...plus, have you ever met a woman that likes to be told what to do, let alone what the right thing to do is? Then, she might put this entire relationship off on your son to her husband. She might claim rape; she might just claim that he was always hitting on her, putting her in bad situations, etc...completely putting off all blame on him. Lets face it...she has a track record of this, right? I mean, she is freaking blaming her dead father for her miserable marriage; using her dead father as an excuse/reason for cheating; what kind of person would do that?

Your son has dug himself a horrible bed here. I wish YOU the best of luck.

Answer 2

Hmmm... sounds like a bad situation all the way around if you ask me. I remember how emotionally vulnerable I was at 20 and I was guided by my heart and not by rational thought. Sounds like your son might be in the same place I was. If your son is truely this guy's best friend, he would leave the situation and not look back. You don't mess with a pal's girlfriend or wife.

I also should point out that the wife is seeing that the "grass is greener on the other side of the fence" since her own pasture needs a little work and a young bull on the other side of that fence isn't helping either.

The first years of a marriage are always difficult, let alone with a lil baby thrown into the mix. This couple has barely had anytime to learn about eachother before he moved in. Your son should respect his friend and move out so his pal and his wife can work on their marriage and leave them be. Cut his ties, atleast temporarily, and if those two cannot come to a resolution then he can persue her AFTER a respectable amount of time has passed.

Oh and I complete my best friend's sentences but that doesn't mean I am in love with her... it means I know her really well.

Answer 3

This is terrible! In order for a relationship to be successful and healthy, BOTH people in it need to be ready and healthy as well. She may be pretty mentally sound, but anyone who is going through a divorce does not need another relationship already queued up because she needs to figure out what, if anything, she has learned from her failed marriage and deal with it without outside influences. If your son "helps" her in getting over her divorce, she won't be handling it based solely on her own needs, which is how she should. There's nothing wrong with waiting a little bit and then seeing if she is still the person he would like to be with. Not to mention, your son is SO YOUNG. There are so many more people he will meet. If she really is the one, that's great, but you can't just close off like that so you won't even ever find out.

You must be just about tearing your hair out over this.

Answer 4

I am the husband of a wife with another man. If I told you my honest thought patterns of what I was going to do to that SOB you would have your son locked up in max security for his safety. You just don't piss with a married woman especially when children are involved. I SERIOUSLY moved 400 miles away and quit my job because I was about to seriously assault that bastard. I knew it would cost me custody of my child however. If your son is any kind of a friend he will back off because he has no idea what kind of pain it will cause the husband. He cannot just cool down, he needs to get completely out of their lives now.

Answer 5

I could tell you a bunch of man's opinions as the many have mentioned before me, but I will try and not say anything that is of my own thoughts or opinion in this situation.
I will just let you read the words of truth below, which I feel says it all.
Even though many don't read this truth any longer or count it to matter in the year 2006 it still stands true and has not changed.
I just pray that your son will no longer be misled down to the pit by the wayward wife.
If you could I would sugest to him to run and run as fast as he can away from this as he is not going to be the only one hurt in this and it will effect him for the rest of his life.
" 'If a man commits adultery with another man's wife—with the wife of his neighbor—both the adulterer and the adulteress must be put to death.'
This is the response in Leviticus 20:10.
Deuteronomy 22:22 says:
If a man is found sleeping with another man's wife, both the man who slept with her and the woman must die. You must purge the evil from Israel.
Proverbs 5:20
Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress? Why embrace the bosom of another man's wife?
Proverbs 6:29
So is he who sleeps with another man's wife; no one who touches her will go unpunished.
Proverbs 6:24
24 keeping you from the immoral woman,
from the smooth tongue of the wayward wife.

25 Do not lust in your heart after her beauty
or let her captivate you with her eyes,

26 for the prostitute reduces you to a loaf of bread,
and the adulteress preys upon your very life.

27 Can a man scoop fire into his lap
without his clothes being burned?

28 Can a man walk on hot coals
without his feet being scorched?

29 So is he who sleeps with another man's wife;
no one who touches her will go unpunished.

Answer 6

When you are 20 years old you think you have all the answers and know whats best for you, and sometimes its a real challenge to step outside of the box and take a real look at your situation. ITs time for him to stop and evaluate where he wants his life to end up in 5 years. If being in a relationship is important to him than he needs to get himself together and be the best man he can be, whether that is going to college, starting a career, etc. There is no way he can succeed without having goals and following a plan to achieve them. If he truly loved this woman, then he would step away from her and make no contact. He would work on himself in order to be in a better place both emotionally and financially. This woman has alot of issues she needs to face and own up to. If she leaves her marriage and jumps into another relationship its obvious there is "baggage" she needs to take care of in order for her to be a better partner in a relationship. There is always a chance that if she doesnt fix what caused her to deviate from her first marriage that she will do it again in another relationship. Humans are creatures of habit and she could very easily make this a habit of going from one to the next looking for the " greener pasture."

What he is doing is not only unfair to himself but cruel to the baby in this picture. This child did not ask for any of this and deserves for his parent to be able to try and work through their issues without the added issue of infidelity. If nothing else for the childs sake your son needs to get out now.

Here are a few tips about realtionships you could share with him.
"Ask yourself what kind of friend you are being to your mate,"
"You have to take 100 percent responsibility for what you're doing in a relationship,"
"Decide what you believe and hold to be true, and conduct yourself 100 percent consistent with that."

Blessings to you and your family!

Answer 7

Your son needs to get out of the situation immediately. My sister did a similar thing shortly after getting married and strung the "other guy" along for years. All the while telling him she loved him and knowing she would never leave her husband. After years she finally told the guy she didn't want to see him anymore and broke the guys heart. She has worked out things in her marriage and is happy with her husband!

Answer 8

Tell him to not be surprised when she leaves HIM for someone else, if they do move in together. They need to GROW UP! If she isn't happy then she would leave her husband, not leave him for someone else. Once a cheater always a cheater and you can take that to the bank. Good luck.

Answer 9

Some people have absolutely no morals at all...

Answer 10

This marriage is doomed.