I still love him and he says he loves me too, but that he is not in love with me and that he wants me to leave him alone. We had are ups and downs, but this came out of left field to me. Sometimes when I talk to him he cries and says it's not over me, but then why is he crying? Anyone have any ideas on how to get him back before he takes this too far with this girl?
2006-07-01 13:25:20 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you need to start dressing nicer when you are around him the next time he calls have someone else answer the phone when he asks where you are have the person say i dont know a man in a brand new mustang just picked you up and you where all dressed up i think she is going on a date hey if hes with another girl then he is confused about which one he wants you have to play his game dont let him know you are sitting on the couch on satuardays waiting for him to come home let him think it doesnt matter im sure he will make up his mind faster
2006-07-01 20:07:11 · answer #1 · answered by corvairchick 2 · 8⤊ 4⤋
I have been in the same boat as you. I held out hope and went through the ups and Downs of the emotional roller coaster but unfortunately it ended in divorce. He to was seeing someone new but it took me time to see that even though I loved him and there were times he would cry and say he still wasn't over me that if he was seeing someone knew he was already half way gone. It took me almost two years and it still hurts and there are even times where he still says he isn't over me and cries but I have learned to be my own person and not get sucked into the pain. One of my friends said it best. He wants everything. A new girlfriend, a wife who still is in love with him. He wants the world and it boasts his ego. If you want to give it one last try. I would be completely honest about how you feel and ask him to do the same. If there is any hope left he will listen and respond as a husband should by going back to you.
Good luck and I hope everything works out the way you want it too.
2006-07-01 20:53:22 · answer #2 · answered by LyndeKC 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mother had the same problem with her current husband. After 7 years together he thought that another woman who "needed" him would make him feel better. She waited and let him dig his own grave so to speak. That woman took him for what ever she could and he came back to my mother understanding more about both of them and their relationship. I know this because they lived together for that 7 years and then lived together for 4 more after the "mistake" and were finally married 3 years ago. And are still happily married to this day.
Love is not a "feeling" it is a commitment! If he says he loves you and he is with someone else, he is lying. Unfortunately, you can only let him go. You cannot make his decisions for him. You can only make the choice for yourself.
Remember --
If you love something let it go, if it comes back to you it's yours
If it doesn't, it never was.
Wait if you think it might work for you in the future and you will be able to get over what he did. See what he does. Then go from there.
LEAVING SHOULD BE A LAST RESORT --not the first reaction!!
2006-07-01 20:44:17 · answer #3 · answered by ttigresa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know this doesn't help at this point in the break up, but believe me there is nothing more true than the statement that happiness is the best revenge.
Give up on him. He's stringing you along because it makes him feel safe. Cut the strings and let him flounder. Start to move on. You won't be happy until you are able to stand on your own. Then, and ONLY then, if you still want him back, you can take him back when he comes begging. As long as you still need him, he will feel safe to keep after the other woman.
2006-07-01 22:28:33 · answer #4 · answered by tianjingabi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear about your situation, I am in the same boat. My wife told me the same thing 2 months ago. It turns out she was having (at the minimum) an emotional affair with a man from work. I will tell you that you are absoulutly powerless and the harder you try the more he will want you gone. I tried my hardest to get my wife back. I begged and pleaded day after day and now she hates me. I can guarantee if you try to lay the guilt on he will reject you and say very mean things to push you away. It is the "dumper"-"dumpee" syndrome. As the old saying goes, if you love someone let them go, and if they come back it was meant to be. I still have not let my wife go, my heart has not let me. It is a good idea to talk to others who are going through the same pain as you. The thing that really gets me is that my spouse does not seem to have a heart at all right now, no emotion of any kind. If you would like to talk to me and try to work through the pain feel free to email me. The only thing that helps me cope is talking with others in the same boat as me. As they say misery loves company, and god knows how miserable you and I are right now. Good luck and god bless.
2006-07-01 21:56:55 · answer #5 · answered by Scott B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has already been dealing with her long before he left you. Most of the time when a man leaves it is never out the blue for him. Let him go, I know it is hard but your in for a long road of drama and games. This has nothing to do with you as a woman or a wife. When it is all said and done he will see the grass is not always greener. Find a man that will love you and respect you. They are out there!
2006-07-01 20:35:45 · answer #6 · answered by tall_slimm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love yourself! Take this time to do some serious self reflection.
Don't expect him to be in love with you, when you can't love yourself. Do it for you.
I know what you're going through. After 15 years of marriage and out of the blue he leaves me and our two daughters. At the time I had no income. I took the time for some serious soul searching and came to the conclusion that no one could replace me or be better. What a man really wants is true intimacy and love. You had it once.... you can have it again. Reflect on what it took before and do it better girl. She can't walk in your shoes! You're invested.
After court I got a 1400.00 a month judgment, the car and back pay order for the months he didn't pay a total of $3980.00. Be patient!
2006-07-01 21:30:13 · answer #7 · answered by softtouch853 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know where your coming from!! my old man of 6 years left 5 weeks ago he's slept with some one else. I think they do it because they believe the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.Guys dont think right. He more than likely does love you he just wants to keep you on a string . Im sure he wakes up in the morning with out you and it hurts. but later in the day people and probably some other influence (drugs or alcohol) he can block it out for awhile.i dont know what to tell you ...I dont know what to tell myself..I have noticed that when I leave him alone and dont contact him ... he contacts me and acts worried that I have moved on... maybe we should just cry to ourselves and not to them and at least act like we have let go ... maybe then they will come home. Someone else has already said it, but it's true ...if you love someone let them go..if they come back they are truely yours... if they dont come back, they never were.
I wish you good luck and happiness no mater what becomes of it , but for your sake , I hope he comes crawling back begging on his hands& knees!! best wishes.
2006-07-01 21:49:40 · answer #8 · answered by criedout 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he is seeing how much he can get away with & what you will put up with..leave him alone, if a man truly loves a woman HE would follow you anywhere.
Unfortunately, he wants to have his cake & eat it too. You need to have enough respect for yourself not to let anyone treat you like that. No matter how much it hurts, kick him to the curb. Even if he comes back, he would probably just do it again!! He must have some wild oats left to sow ;) Don't be his friend with benefits, either. Trust me, he is a loser..let him go.
Most guys cheat with women they don't even like, it's got nothing to do with you..it's about his lack of self esteem.
2006-07-01 20:39:38 · answer #9 · answered by irolag100 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girlfriend let me tell you........I can directly relate. Me and my husband were playing a very similar senario. It is nothing but an emotional roller coaster. I've lerned that men like to have their cake and ice cream too. Don't give in to that. It's all a game. If you want him back, simply do nothing- ie: don't call him, don't see him, make like you disappeared of the face of the earth. he'll come around just to see what you r doing. Men like attention just as we females do. So don't let them fool you. But I suggest u to move on. Time heals every wound. Get out, go shopping, get your hair and nails done. Spend time in the sun(natural x-tasy). You're too beautiful, and better than that.
2006-07-02 03:03:22 · answer #10 · answered by yelloerose07 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he left you and is already in a relationship with this girl then he must have been seeing her anyway. leave him alone because he is running game on you by calling you crying. He must not be too upset about it because he is with some one else. why do u want him back knowing that he may leave again?
2006-07-01 20:31:18 · answer #11 · answered by confused 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋