No kids involved, & never were married. It was kind of like a high school dating thing, but I was the only one still in HS, he was 7 yrs. older than me...he was in the Navy, out of the year we were together, I was only WITH him for 2 months. Otherwise, he was like my best friend, while we were dating, we never even slept together, but we had an awesome friendship.
We decided that it wasnt working out since I was still in school and he was traveling the world..so we decided to just stay friends. Then I met my husband, and I told him in the very beginning stages of our relationship that there was a guy I had a past with that was still a part of my life, and if he couldnt accept it then he needed to go ahead and leave me. But always, he always felt like he was "competing" even though there is no competition.
Also, my best friend is my ex's sis..and my cousin is married to his cousin..so it isnt like I could ever not see him again if I wanted it to be that way.
To be continued..
2006-07-01 12:23:06 · 14 answers · asked by lovingarmywife 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
So my husband ended up being my "first" but we started having some personal issues while we were still dating and broke up...Lee was in town, and we started hanging out again and ended up sleeping together...which made me realize once again, we should just be friends. So me and Allen got back together and got married soon after. Sometimes my ex still gets to my husband, but he is not EVER going to take me away from him....I don't know if me wanting to still be friends with him is wrong of me or not...so maybe you guys can help...Thanks.
2006-07-01 12:26:04 · update #1
Ok try to follow me....MY best friend is the SISTER to the ex boyfriend that I'm talking about.
There are no hidden feelings for him at all, none more than a cherished friend.
2006-07-01 12:34:26 · update #2
Ok, and no, i dont see or talk to him often...he is still in the Navy, he comes home once a year if that. Other than that is it phone conversations.
I WOULD NEVER cheat on my husband.
2006-07-01 12:36:17 · update #3
1 - If the relationship would bother you if it was your husband doing it - then you should reconsider it.. I can understand where he is coming from and he probably tries to accept the relationship - it's just hard.. I would have a problem if my husband was having a relationship with an old girlfriend - even though I trust him.. It's cliche but its her that I would not trust.. That I would not want her to be emotionally attached to my husband..
2 - If the relationship you have with your ex was mostly friends - and you just dated for 2 months and it didn't work out so you went back to being friends - that is entirely different (and better) than if it was an ex you dated for years and fell in love with - and then became friends afterward.
All things said, this is between you and your husband if he considers it to be wrong then you should downplay the relationship a bit.. Like the previous poster mentioned do not ever put the friend before your husband.. You have to be considerate of how he feels.. Try and get the 2 of them to become friends - or go out in a group when you guys are together don't ever be togehter alone ..
PS to your update - oh WOW .. you didnt say that at first.. well of course your husband is going to have a problem with him!! You slept with this guy while you were on a break from your husband! This is like the "we were on a break!" thing on FRIENDS... Your husband now feels like this other guy is your backup and that any problems you guys have you are going to turn to the other guy.. Anyone would feel threatened by this.. He is going to definately be afraid of you cheating - at least emotionally.. Women often cheat emotionally.. You need to be very careful and only see this guy at social functions, like your best friend/his sisters birthday, etc.
2006-07-01 12:30:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 2⤋
Think of it this way men are uncomfortable with the fact that another man, especially one you were once in a relationship knows more or about as much as he does about you. Even without sleping with him. He is still viewed as a threat. If you see him often thats an even worst threat. Some people can't get pass that feeling. He may also feel or see something you don't. Are there feelings for him that you have reserved?
It is definately not a good idea if you slept with him while you guys were having problems. Thats proof he is a threat and you do have some type of feelings for him that goes deeper than friendship.
2006-07-01 12:31:23 · answer #2 · answered by Mom of 5 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
complicated stuff! although i believe he just ur friend and that's all, u did sleep with him and that's why ur hubby acted the way he did. he would have been thinking ' if she did it once she could do it again' is my guess. u should b able 2 b friends but in the real world it just never works out the way we want it 2 and from what u have said i think u will still say hello when u see each other but i don't think it Will b able 2 go beyond that without ppl jumping 2 conclusions. i know that its not fair but men r so insecure sometimes and also with all the other ppl who r involved is it worth the heartache? that's what u need 2 think about.
good luck. :)
2006-07-01 12:43:15 · answer #3 · answered by missilibi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ahh. The drama on military bases never ends. Dont take it personal I have had my fair share of military drama. The loneliness of being a military spouse is difficult and it makes you want to reach out. Dont feel bad, also, who knows who your husband hangs out with after work. I lived on Hickam AFB and I thought taken boyfriends(friends of mine) was sooo trustworthy, honest, etc. Bulls!t!!! They used to go drinking and partying with single young newbies on base. He met you this way and he accepted it by marrying you. So what, does this mean he didn't trust you from the beginning and he thought that by marying you , he bought you or something. Tell him to get over it. You are capable of carrying on a mature friendship.
2006-07-02 05:55:25 · answer #4 · answered by gooberbudi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no that would look like if u still like ur ex or maybe u dont but people never stop talking u know and thats the first thing they'll say and wait untill ur husband finds out that would be a very big problem.
2006-07-01 12:27:14 · answer #5 · answered by lachaparra15 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not wrong, but you must never put the friend in front of the husband...always consider your husband's feelings when this friend is involved, see him at social and family functions, never give the impression of impropriety, and you should be able to all live happily
2006-07-01 12:27:37 · answer #6 · answered by Sharon S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Regardless of the backstory, whether or not you should be friends with your ex depends on how you feel about each other. If EITHER ONE of you still has feelings for the other, then it's not a good idea. Things WILL get complicated.
2006-07-01 12:28:04 · answer #7 · answered by O M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is never a good idea regardless of the history. Consider your husbands feelings and reconsider maintaining this friendship which will probably lead to jealousy and rumors.
2006-07-01 12:38:51 · answer #8 · answered by blasted 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that could prolly lead into being a problem. cause if my gf started talking to her x husband or wateva id be a lil iffy on wats really going on..because that wud be her first love and anything could happen so i dont think i would like that very much.
2006-07-01 12:27:22 · answer #9 · answered by orange_crush_05 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hold on there, your situation is very confusing.
Who is who, and where is he and the other guy?
Maybe if you drew us a picture of a family tree
just so we can follow your drama.
Anyway - just be nice to everybody.
Have good life.
2006-07-01 12:33:16 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋