I am a married mother of 3 kids (8,7,and 5). I have been married to an emotionally abusive husband for 10 years. Nothing I do is good enough basically. I had a one night stand with a man and I am pregnant. My husband has a vasectomy. The man I had a one night stand with wants the child desperately. I am torn as I don't want to 'start over' and I don't even love the one night stand guy. I am torn as I have been thinking about a divorce everyday for 6 years and now I have an opportunity to leave but I can't think of the pain my 3 children would feel. Would you have the baby and leave husband? OR would you have an abortion? The one night stand guy is begging me to keep it but I am so scared as I am afraid to leave my husband and I am afraid that my kids will be traumatized. Remember...my current husband yells at me, berates me, doesn't touch me, has an addiction to porn, ignores me, and has gobbled up every ounce of self esteem I once had.
Thank you.
2006-07-01 09:15:07 · 11 answers · asked by susanstudio2000 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Can you find a way to make yourself happy rather than pleasing the men in your life? You should do what you want. This probably means you should divorce the husband and be single. Just because you get rid of one guy doesn't mean you HAVE to be with the other. Having the baby should not have to do with how much you love either men. If you want to have the child and you can support and love it, then by all means have it. If you are not ready for another child in your life, don't have it and consider an abortion. When making these decisions, think about yourself and your current children. Forget about the men for now, decide what is best for you. If having an abortion can get the one night stand guy out of your life, then maybe that is the best. But, either way, I think you will be happier away from your husband.
2006-07-01 09:21:56 · answer #1 · answered by I heart art 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, were to begin!! Getting rid of the baby is not going to get you out of the mess you are in. If you do have an abortion, the one night stand might tell your husband anyway. Everything needs to come out in the open. Your husband may open his eyes when he sees that "YOU DON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH HIS CRAP"
If the two of you fight, the kids are already "in a bad spot" they can tell that their mommy is not happy. If he does not want to lose you, he will straighten up! ( I have been there, I know) Although, I never went as far as a one night stand, but I thought about it. If I had not gotten myself into a flirting mess, then I am sure it would have gone that way before long.......My husband was so mad and it seemed like forever.......But finally,after a couple of months of him being even worse, I put my foot down and said look..It is either going to get better or I am out of here!!! It took a few months, but now we have been married for 13 years in Sept.
Give it a try! Wish you happiness!
2006-07-01 16:31:09 · answer #2 · answered by candispassion.com 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your husband is abusive it's not a good environment for your children anyways. An abortion is never a good idea, think about all the people in the world who would love to have a child of their own and are unable to.
It sounds like the baby's father would like to have the baby even if you don't. Give birth to the baby and give it to the man if he is willing to care for it.
As for your husband...tell him he needs to get help or get your children away from him. Kids who grow up with an abusive parent, whether its physical or mental abuse are likely to act that way themselves. Imagine your son/daughter treating their spouse the way you are treated. Do you want that?
2006-07-01 16:22:36 · answer #3 · answered by zil28ennov 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First I would like to say that the children are in an environment where every ounce of your self-esteem has been destroyed; that is not good for them or you. I think that an abortion is not going to solve any of your problems, and may just add to them. It sounds like to me you do not need to use this pregnancy as a reason to leave your husband; he has given you plenty. I think that you should allow the one nighter the chance to father this child if that is what he really wants.
2006-07-01 17:14:08 · answer #4 · answered by Shining Star 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sure you don't need to go on the Maury show ? I understand that you want to get out of that marriage. But you didn't make your self even better. By having a one night stand as well. Then again, you was not smart, having sex unprotected either. knowing you already have kids at home. That guy could had some disease, and your butt would had gotten it.
you need to load your kids up. Take yourself and them to the nearest women shelter. It's going to be hard on them. But you if he beats you like you claim he does. One night, he might get in rage. Then you might not see tomorrow either. Then you be gone, and your kids will not have a mother.
Wait till he leaves to do something, or visit his family. Pack your clothes and the kids clothes while he is gone. Then head out the door. If he gets back before then. Why till he leaves again. If there only one car, then call the cops next time he hits you. Press charges against him. Get him drunk and wait till he pass out. Then leave his butt.
If you don't won't the baby, and you don't won't to let him have it. Then I take it. I have no kids of mine own. Hey, Iam just saying.
But no man is above you, except God ,himself
2006-07-01 16:29:07 · answer #5 · answered by kygl28 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doen'st sound like your children are any better of with being with him 24/7 than you divorcing him. I am answering your question because I have been somewhat where you are now. I am married and had an affair with a man who makes me swoon but has no money or ambition. My husband makes money and does care about me but our love is basically becoming brother sister. I had the baby and let my husband think it was his. The other guy receives pictures and updates but nothing else.
2006-07-01 16:22:49 · answer #6 · answered by melmissyc 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd get an abortion -- like yesterday, and get out of the marriage. Yup, starting over is not easy, lots of us have been there,with kids, and without kids. But a child deserves a bitter life that what you are about to offer this one who is not even born. Your children won't feel much pain.... kids get over stuff like that. All of their friends have parents who are divorced. It is unlikely they think the two of you are happy. So in a nut shell, get the abortion, get out of your "marriage" and get on with your life. You have wasted enough good years......
2006-07-01 16:42:19 · answer #7 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opnion, I would leave both of them alone. YOu need to divorse your husband because neither you nore your child needs to be in that kind of relationship. I went threw it, trust me its better to get out. And as far as the one night stand guy goes, you need to drop him too. You need to find a family memember go to a safe house and get some help and take care of you and you kid and the one on the way. Think about whats best for you and your kids, not whats best of better for the 2 guys. If you keep the Lord in your heart and talk to him, he will guide you in the right way. Good Luck!!
2006-07-01 16:19:52 · answer #8 · answered by Piper 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As far as your husband, he sounds like a jerk. As far as an abortion, it will destroy your life. As far as your children, they are probably been traumatized for a number of years. Maybe you should have the baby and give it to your one night stand if you don't want it yourself.
2006-07-01 16:19:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think I would immediately have an abortion, no questions asked, then I would consider my possibilities concerning leaving your husband, I can't imagine it will get better, and you are doing you children NO FAVORS by staying, the opposite, you are teaching them that abuse is ok
2006-07-01 16:23:57 · answer #10 · answered by Joy L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋