I have been in a dating triangle for over a year now and I don't know what to do. The man in question has been divorced for a short time, but he still runs back to his ex wife. He just spent the past month with me, and we had a great time. He says he wants me to move in with him when my job plant closes in December. And he made an appointment for me to talk to a job counselor.
We did get into a fight when his exwife called and needed him to come over to do some repairs to the house. The house is a few hours away, so he commented that he would just spend the night there. Of course I was mad and told him that if he thought that was okay, then we were over.
Well, he called today from the house (I have caller ID) and he said that he would be gone for the weekend. He knew I was at work, but didn't call me there.
My questions are: why do I try so hard? why do I hang on? Why can't he just say what he wants? Why does he keep hurting me? What should I do?
2006-07-01 07:46:44 · 14 answers · asked by confused 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
some people in this world like to be shared and be second in a mans life, you are one of those people, you like to be second and will settle for whatever, you like to be sloppy seconds, you like it that your man has to answer to someone else................if you dont like it then change something, dont let him walkall over you, he is using you and you dont even see it. his wife knows she can call your house whenever she wants and her hubby will jump up and do anything for her, i think you should reconcider this relationship and move on, he is not the guy you need, you need a guy that will be there for you all the way and not running away to his wife r ex or whatever. i think you deserve better than that, i thin you want a man that wil be there for you. i think you can do better and want to. do better and leave him, move on and find someone that will spend the night with you and you only. good luck.
2006-07-01 07:54:45 · answer #1 · answered by Christina 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop right there girlfriend. If this was a friend of yours, what would U say to her. This man clearly has some kind of feelings for his ex. Are there kids involved? If there are, maybe he is being faithful. But a whole weekend at her house, no hotel room? He's not committed to her anymore and if he knew U were at work, calling your home was an easy way out. When he comes home, I'm sure he'll tell U nothing went on but I think U already know. It just hurts too much. Find yourself another man. Don't move in with this one. Fresh divorce still spells trouble. He's on the rebound and he still needs to be in a familiar surrounding it sounds. Good Luck!
2006-07-01 09:02:56 · answer #2 · answered by furbee_4 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Possible Answers to your questions in order.
1. You're trying so hard for youre reluctant to accept the fact that even thought your boyfriend is newly divorced, his feelings that developed over time for his ex-wife are still there. That's why he can still go over there and do things for her along with spending the night. Some divorced couples come to realize they are better off as friends than being married together.
2. You're hanging on for youre hoping that he developes those marital feelings for you, and now that he's free to marry youre hoping he'll ask you. But since he's newly divorce I doubt a remarriage would be on his mind so soon. Sounds like he's still trying to deal with the one he left.
3.Maybe he doesnt know what he wants at this point in his life. Did he initiate the divorce or did she? Maybe he didnt want the divorce. He's trying to cope with the thought of the one he made vows to, being there for better or worst til death do them part. This is a new adjustment for him.
4. He keeps hurting you because youre letting him. Yet he knows his marriage is over, the freedom of having you there without the commitment and believe me, even though he may spend time with you, he is not committed to you in his heart. His heart is still with the ex. But that doesnt mean he dont care for you. You can stop your pain by giving him space to go through what they call healing. If he initiated the divorce maybe the ex is really going through and he sees it and is trying to help her to heal from the pain of divorce. She probably relied on him so much during the marriage and cant manage around the house with repairs, so he feels a since of obligation to help her out. Especially if they have kids together. Every parent wants to make sure their childs dwelling is secure whether theyre living in the same house or not.
5. I believe in your heart you know what to do. Youre just looking for someone to validate your decision. My suggestion, weight the situation. Have a heart to heart with him. Tell him you can only imagine what it must be like to have gone through a divorce and trying to adapt to a new lifestye. That could be a opening for him to express exactly whats going on with him and why he does the things he do.
Finally, December is less than 6 months away, you need to decide what is best for you. Your future is in your own hands. Sure he can look out for you and get you a job appointment to talk to a counsellor, but you need to have more coals in the fire then just that one. Continue to seek out job opportunities yourself.
2006-07-01 08:32:27 · answer #3 · answered by pgbrady614 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl...You so need to just stand up for yourself and walk away. There are way too many men in this world to waste time on one that hasn't gotten over his ex. And too, if this guy has kids with her then he will be attached to her for the rest of his life. Do you want to play second fiddle to her? I think you know the answer to that. So I'm sorry to say, but it doesn't sound like this is going to get any easier. Good luck...
2006-07-01 07:58:45 · answer #4 · answered by Sharlala 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, if his ex-wife has his kids he should provide for them even if it comes to fixing the house they live in. However, for him to spend the night there is disrespectful if you tell him how you feel. If he goes on the weekend, suggest going with him and getting a hotel room. There may be nothing going on other than he feels responsible, but if you don't trust him then there are problems. If you don't trust her he should respect your feelings towards this issue and compromise. Her problem can wait until the weekend and the two of you can have a get-away or he can hire someone to fix the problem or let her grow up and deal with it on her own. Sounds like he doesn't respect you. It is difficult if not impossible to respect someone who doesn't respect themselves. Sounds like you may not respect yourself. Find something about yourself to love - God created each of us and loves each of us.
2006-07-01 07:55:26 · answer #5 · answered by Jill M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think u should leave him alone and move on with your life because he is just playing with u . u will find somebody one day just keep your eyes open and the right one will come your way . but this man is no good for u . u see that he keep go back to his ex wife house how do u know he and her are not having sex together and not using portest u could get something that u do not want and that is nasty
2006-07-01 07:55:01 · answer #6 · answered by angel h 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some of the best advice I have heard is that people will treat us how we allow them to treat us. So if he is hurting you so bad, stop letting him treat you like this. He obviously isn't over his ex. And it's pointless for you to keep putting yourself thru all this drama when you could be with someone that will treat you with the respect you deserve. Stop being his yoyo and letting him come back to you whenever he feels like it. It's hard to let go of someone especially if you love them but in the end you have to look at what is best FOR YOU!!! good luck.
2006-07-01 08:13:13 · answer #7 · answered by Sarah P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie: Why are you so stupid? You can surely do better than this, so go do better! Whether or not he is banging his ex is NOT the question...he knew this would upset you greatly and he did it anyway. Do not move in with him, do not go out with him again, do not bang him again...don't do anything with him.IF you do, he will make you jump through hoops from now on. Good luck
2006-07-01 07:55:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave his sorry cheating @$$! If my man EVER cheated on me I'd cut off his you-know-what and feed it to the dogs. I'd also stab the other girl to death. My opinion? Never take any crap from anybody. You only live once, why settle for something that's obviously not the best for you?
2006-07-01 08:06:10 · answer #9 · answered by justme 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him it is time for him to make a decision, her or you. If he doesn't or won't make a decision that should tell you it isn't worth trying to save the relationship as you would not get his full attention
2006-07-01 08:34:29 · answer #10 · answered by uniroyalfan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋