How do you move on if your wife does not love you anymore. We have a child.?

Question

2 months ago my wife told me that she was not in love with me anymore. This was a bombshell for me. Since that time I have found out that she had been lying about who she was out with. She said that she was with her friend Ashley, but it turns out Ashley was really Chris (a cashier where she is a supervisor??). She swears there was no physical relationship, but she shared every last detail of our marriage with this young man. She had no desire to try and work things out at all. I was a great provider, helped around the house, cooked, and am a great dad. This has torn me up to the point that I have lost my job, moved 400 miles away to stay with my parents, I cannot sleep, I think of her constantly, I worry about her. We are in daily contact, and each day I ask her to reconsider but she never does. It seems this person who I love so much hates me now. I feel like I am just going to die from this broken heart. Some days I don't even get dressed. How do I get out of this rut and move on?

It feels that without her I do not have the strenght to go on. I feel the desperate need to call her daily and try to make it work. My brain says that it is just over, however my heart wont listen. I am beating myself up every minute of every day. I love, miss, and care about her so much that I would forgive her in a heartbeat. I worked hard, came home, worked around the house, played with our daughter, and always had dinner for her. I guess I was just too predictable and boring. She felt we did not have enough in common. We got married young (I was 24, she was 19). I think it is just a stage and she is a little lost right now. I think some time, effort, and understanding would help our relationship. She simply does not want to put any effort into it. Obviouslyr he love for me is totally dead, I just cannot accept that fact. I am such a mess right now I can't even work How do I stop this cycle and start moving on?

To make matters even worse my wife was my first love and I was hers. We were together since high school. We had never been with anyone else. Because of this fact I felt our relationship was unique and special and the thought of her with another man just kills me and gives me so many morbid thoughts and images. She does not respond to my pain with any sympathy, in fact it seems to make her angry. She starts calling me pathetic and tells me to get a "L-I-F-E, life". Despite all of this I cannot hate her and want to walk away from the relationship. I am almost like a wife junkie, if I don't get my daily dose I go nuts.

Answer 1

I know it feels like you are going to die, but life does go on. You can't let her ruin the great person you say you are. You also can not make somebody love you. Sometimes if a married woman is stuck in a rut and another man compliments her, she may think she wants to be with that man, but the grass is not always greener on the other side. She will find that out the hard way. I think the more you beg her, the farther away you are pushing her. Try to focus on being a good father and try to focus on getting your life back on track. Nothing good will come out of you living with your parents and staying in bed all day. The busier you become, the easier it will be for you to move on. This may be a blessing in disguise for you. Maybe there is someone even better out there for you. Please try to keep a positive attitude and you will make it through this. When you do, you will realize this was probalby the hardest things you have ever been through and then you will know you can overcome anything!

Answer 2

I feel really bad for you. She may have been a bit too young mentally when you first got married. She didn't have an opportunity to find herself and what she wanted. Oftentimes, women feel the "great passion" which is really hormonal. I'm not trying to say she didn't love you at all just that her love was not mature enough to handle your love. This is what happens sometimes with significant age differences. I will tell you from experience that it does get easier. If it's that hard for you, whenever you feel like callin her, don't and write it in a journal.

She has to grow up. But at the same time, it sounds like she has no respect for you. You took care of her and grew apart. You seem to have been a 'parental' figure for her and that kind of love smothers people. Once you are past your emotions or feelings for her, the next woman that comes along will display characterisitcs of someone wanting to take care of you in return as you do them. It is a 50/50 thing in relationships. But you gave 100% You portrayed yourself as a doormat for your wife and women, whether or no they agree want a man who can take charge. It's okay that you cook, clean, etc, but a maid can do those things.

Last but not least, you should have friends also along with outside activities; you know a life of your own. The next person will want you to have a live also. I hope you feel better. You've got to pull yourself together, if not for you then your child. If you need to reply back for more advice, that's fine.

Answer 3

Hi, Have you heard that old fashion saying,"If you love something, Set it free, If it's yours it will come back, If it does't, then it never was." Well obviously, she isn't going to come back, You deserve more then someone who doesn't love you with the passion that you love her, You deserve to be loved with all their heart and soul, Please except the fact that she doesn't love you, and she obviously doesn't care anymore, when you except this, you can go on and live your life, and the pain will get better, I've been there, I decided to go on with my life, and the minute that happend, my x wanted me back, and by then I was healing, but I made the mistake to go back, and it only lasted a couple months, then a year later I found the most amazing man, and we married, and had a child together of our own, and we've been together 19 years now, (I'm 41 by the way) and believe it or not, my x and i have become pretty good friends, (we also had a child together) so anyway, you have got to get over this, stop calling her, and move on, the fact that she cheated on you should say something to you, if you did take her back you will probably always worry that she will do it again, you want someone you can trust and rely on, not someone who your always going to worry about is going to cheat again, and she doesn't even seem to be remoursful, there is another woman out there for you, just give it time and concentrate now on You and your child, Heal from this, take care of you, good luck

Answer 4

You know, your wife has great regard for you as a dad to your child. Thats fabulouse. Work on yourself. What is it that you would like to change as you move on. You have many talents like cooking and attentivness to and for the other person but you also sound like you don't have a life of your own. Get one. They are great. So go on and love your child, if your child gets out of visiting range, call him/her. But please do not down your wife in anyway to your child. Your wife has grwed one way and you have fortunatly grown another. Make the best of it. I recognize that this is not as easy as some folks would have you believe. Professional counseling will cerantly help you over the rough spots and right now I hear the tremendous hurt you have. Think about it. There is no shame in getting guidance once in a while. It will only make you stronger.

Answer 5

Very seldom are both people in mutual agreement to a break up. Your wife decided to not be in this marriage anymore and she was the one who decided to lie and cheat on you. You may feel that you have no life without her but yes you do. Mourn for the loss of your marriage and take it one day at a time. Some things in life has a way of coming back and biting people in the ***. There could come a day when your wife contacts you and wants to get back together and you may very well tell her no. You've moved on and may very well find someone else that loves you and doesn't believe in cheating and lying. Broken hearts do mend.

Answer 6

I went through this with my first wife. She said she didn't do anything with this guy from work, too. Truth though is that you don't have to be physical to be cheating. If you are getting involved in a romantic relationship, its cheating. Anyway, she said she didn't love me anymore. There was nothing I could do to change her mind. My experiences have shown me that if a woman loves you, almost no matter what you do she will keep loving you. Its the same the other way around. If she don't love you there's nothing you can do to change it. You need to morn the death of your marriage and move on. If you keep trying to get her to change her mind she will start hating you as you've already seen.

Answer 7

Break UPS are so hard, you'll go through the steps of break up such as feeling sad - asking yourself what if I did this better or if I had only did this, then you'll get to the stage of ANGER - how could she take your love and not appreciate everything you've done for her she's taken you for granted. There are stages you'll go through to get better. Right now it will be tough, keep busy, force yourself to get out of bed - buy a book on how to recover from this break up - it will give you some very good helpful hints. You'll need to move on - you don't want that kind of wife who is fooling around on you - she's not worth it. Be the good father you've always were. Good luck

Answer 8

you close your eyes. then re open them.. first you have to mourn.. it took me 2 yrs.. then i just got on the dating site and started over. has it worked NO.. but i have learned so much why my husband left me and why are marriage did not work.

God has one door close for a reason.. and then he opens up 3 or more for you.. find your key and unlock the door. then walk through it. I have been so blessed for i got to walk away from a man who did not love me.. sold my house, then moved to a new state with the kids, i bought a new house and started over..

i can say this it is the best decision i ever made.. while he has his mother and Girlfriend.. I got the house and kids and my independents.

Now he calls me on the phone to tell me the money is in the bank. and for the rest of my life i will get a money in my bank, so in the end.. God has his plans.

God! new the truth and he handles it.. so don't be upset at her just let it go for put it in his hands because it is not yours to worries about.. not her life not her soul not her ways or feelings..

You need to worry about you, take a piece of paper write down all the things you want to do in your life or what you have missed out on.. then go do them.. I have been and i am so happy now.

Best of best MY KIDS ARE HAPPY, FOR THE FIRST TIME IN THERE LIFE THEY ARE WHO THEY NEED TO BE..

i put all my time and effort into my kids and now i am a grandchild i get my child everyday and my ex has never held her he has never hued her laugh or giggle.. i get all the rewards.

Go be the man God chose for you and the father you are too be.. It will make you so much stronger.. SOME WOMEN DO NOT APPARENT WHAT THEY HAVE.. or what the man dose for his wife. they are greedy..

some men do not apparent their wife's and take advantage of them.. they are selfish..

good luck.. Just tonight go do what you want to do.. no more fretting,, you are a handsome man and any women would love to have you..

one women trash is another women's trashier.. be the TREASHUR to the next wonderful women be the NEW MAN YOU HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE..

Answer 9

It sounds like talking to her daily is holding you back. It is an addiction or bad habit like any other and should be treated the same. Find a suitable activity as a substitute to distract you when you feel like calling - go for a drive, call a friend, go for a walk, whatever works for you. Go out and meet people, make friends, join a class or group, do volunteer work, start a hobby, go to counseling, create a support group, just get involved in the life out there! She may be taking you for granted or she may have been too young emotionally and now wants her youthful years back. To sleep try meditation or self-hypnosis - there are books and audiotapes or CDs out there to help. I went to the Brain Music Therapy Center in New York and it was interesting and helped. You have to respect yourself and stop humbling yourself trying to get her back. I know it is hard, but you CAN do it if not for yourself then for your child.

Answer 10

There are other women out there. You need to grieve over the loss of your relationship and when the time is right, you can persue another relationship. Find some friends to go do things with such as out to eat, the movies or an amusement park. Find things to keep your mind occupied. Not that it will make you feel any better but your wife is just a booty call for that other man. It will not last between him and her for lack of trust!