My bf is a "bear" and I am not really attracted to him...?

Question

My bf is not really attractive to me but is a good person...we dont sleep together anymore after 4 years, what should I do?

Answer 1

Stop wasting his time and yours.
Get out of the relationship and move on.
Couldn't you figure that out yourself?

Answer 2

Move on honey. Sounds like that's what you both want if he's a "bear" and you are attracted anymore. There are lots of men put there. Not as many for you as there is for me :) but still lots honey. Isn't that part of the fun a new relationship. You should do this now tho so maybe you guys can still be friends. Just sit him down and talk to him never know maybe he has wanted out too. Good luck honey.

Answer 3

you should be having this discussion with him openly ,truthfully & honestly ! seems to me there more at issue here than your saying .

you must have been attracted to the "bear look " at one time so there must have been something there ,other wise why would you have spent years living with someone ? and if it just the 'bear look ' there are things called razors ! you say hes a good person and have apparenltly spent some years with him ,so the changes in the sleeping relationship over the years you both must have agreed too or they would not have happened .
Sounds like you need to have a serious talk about alot of things !

Answer 4

I feel sorry for your BF. I don't know if you mean he's a bear, as in big and hairy, or you mean he's an asshole, but my answer is the same on both counts. Try to find bigger problems, it seems you find some masochistic pleasure in portraying yourself as a victim. "Oh, woe is me, i'm no longer attracted to him so we don't have sex anymore... boohoo..."

Face the facts, you don't have sex with him because you don't want to anymore, not because of his body hair or attitude, you are ticked off by some other systemic anomaly, and don't even try pinning it on the other person, this relationship sounds an awful lot like thousands of relationships out there that is held together by mere convention. Get to the bottom of your problem and solve it, TOGETHER. Don't rely on the net to find answers for everything.

Now, if after you discuss whatever it is that bothers you with him and you still don't feel like sliding down his pole, then break it off. You have no choice but to forget the past four years; some people are just not that patient with real, unconditional love. Try out something a little simpler, like an open relationship or go into a poly-amorous triangle, or square or whatever geometrical figure strikes your fancy. Monogamy is very difficult and it's not for everyone, it just gets easier with age.

I just shudder to think that your boyfriend is out there, basically stuck in limbo with your silly little diatribe playing in his head (Oh, believe me, he thinks about it twice as much as you do...), and missing out on all the other guys giving him furtive little looks. Lovers tend to know these things, especially you guys who have been together for four years. He knows you don't find him attractive anymore and that hurts like a f*cking knife through his heart.

Don't play the victim, play the hero. Be a man for once and face the problem with him, be man enough to let him go. The truth shall set you two free.

Answer 5

Good persons belong in the Friends department, not the lover department. For his sake, return the goods to the market where you got them, put them back on the shelf for those who really want them, and leave the store. Shop somewhere else. You are being unintentionally cruel to him with these feelings. He deserves better treatment than this, and you know it!
IF that advice fails to get your notice, then get out the razor and have a ball...OR if he is inclined, and has dark hair, go for laser removal. OR is it the size that is bothering you...there are things called diets that solve that problem. Good luck to you both.

Answer 6

It doesn't matter why you're not attracted to him. If you don't sleep together anymore, it's time to break things off. It will be difficult & it will hurt but in the long run it's best for both of you.

Answer 7

People say that there is more to a relationship than just sex and that is true. However, sex is a vital part in my opinion and if you are no longer attracted to your partner and you don't sleep together, then really you are just friends.

You should definitely talk to him about your feelings because if you don't then sooner or later, you may be tempted to cheat on him and that just ain't fair.

Good luck!

Answer 8

i think its time to leave. if you don't find him attractive. you thought he was hot when you first met him, right? your sex life together is very important to both of you. i think finding someone that is your both yours and his cup of tea is the best way to go. it seems that you have a friendship, in stead of a romantic an sexual relationship. so its time to move on. maybe you both can talk about it, its not healthy to be in a situation where one is happy and the other partner is not. good luck in finding a happy medium.

Answer 9

do you see him as a brother more than a lover?
do you squirm when he goes to kiss you?
do get agitated with him over silly little things to cause an argument and then he goes out for a while?
do you not like sharing a bed with him any more?
are you just with him as a part of routine?


cos i have the same problems as stated so if you find the solution let me know!

Answer 10

A relationship is based on more than Sex, however it is a key component to intimacy. So, if you are no longer attracted to him , then you need to be honest with him and yourself. If a relationship ends after 4yrs it is OK, it does not mean you wasted your time you developed and grew and learned about yourself as he did. It is time to move on, but you need to be honest and end it. It is cutting time from you and from him.

Answer 11

Why did you get together in the first place then? Go away and let him have a real relationship.