married for abt 7 yrs now. 2 kids but the wife does not always allow me easy access! she hardly ever initiates sex, and seems to always have one complain or the other when i make advances. I get put off most times . Is this normal with women or ??????
2006-07-01 02:45:49 · 19 answers · asked by Jamie L 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
time to go man
2006-07-01 03:23:06 · answer #1 · answered by h_wallbanga 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
since you've only been married for years, i will assume that the children are younger than that. she's probably just very tired and frustrated with the duties of "MOM". if she's a stay at home mom, that is especially draining because she really doesn't get any adult conversation or activities. (she doesn't get a chance to be anybody else but mom). if she works outside of the home, it's still very tiring because she's still doing all of the mom duties as well as her other job(she has 2 jobs now). why don't you plan a romantic night or even better a weekend so that she can feel like a woman again. find someone to watch the kids and take her out and romance her and make her feel beautiful and smart and sexy and interesting. Now I know you can't do this type of thing ALL the time so maybe you could every once in a while, take the kids out all day(to the movies, the park,etc) and give her a day to herself to do whatever she wants. She needs to be able to relax and recharge every now and then. She'll be happier and so will you.
2006-07-01 10:37:22 · answer #2 · answered by fungirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Easy access? Hey nothing in life is easy. On the serious side though talk to her. Maybe help her around the house or with the kids so she isnt so tired. Romance her. Take her out for a night on the town. Bring her flowers. Call her during the day just to say you love her and no other reason. Make her dinner. Treat her like a queen. Us women love that and most of the time spark up. If not maybe she has lost interest and maybe you 2 really need to have that heart to heart talk and find out what it is that you can do to make her feel good. But never except women to always be easy.
2006-07-01 09:59:40 · answer #3 · answered by sweeetkisses2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think with kids, a house and work there are so many demands on people now and men are much more sexually oriented than most women. Try helping her out more around the house and starting your advances early in the day and all day long, a nice shoulder rub in the morning, get her a cup of coffee, offer to take something off her to do list, call her several times that day just to let her know she is on your mind. Offer wine with dinner, do the dishes, or cook and bathe the kids, put them down, pick up the house a bit and ask your wife to go upstairs with you to cuddle. Make sure the kids are asleep, close the door and cuddle. Then if she is receptive- some massage and see where it leads, make the night about pleasing her and you just might find her more and more receptive.Don't take it so personally, women can sometimes loose that sexual side of themselves with motherhood, and you can help her get it back by romancing her outside of the bedroom all day long and telling her how attractive you find her, maybe even more so now knowing that her body gave you your beautiful children. Help her to slowly rediscover that being a mother and being a lover can co-exist. Been there!
2006-07-01 09:56:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What others have said is true, having young children does NOTHING for your sex drive. I went through that when my kids were younger.
Think about it, if you are taking care of kids all day, are you thinking about anything sexy? I think not. And to top that off, kids are very emotionally draining and need a lot of physical touch. I remember when my kids were little, sometimes I just couldn't stand to be touched at night. It was like I was "touched out" after all the hugging, holding, carrying, etc., of kids all day.
And then, on top of all that, the hormone issue with having kids. It really messes with your body and mind.
But not to fear, you can make it better. First off, talk to her about it. Let her know you love her and want her and ask her what you can do. If you do it in a loving, non-threatening way, what women doesn't want to hear she's wanted??
Secondly, make sure and treat her like the woman you love. Don't forget to do the things you used to do for her. And be sure and help her when you can so that she is not too exhausted at night for you!!
And lastly, it WILL pass. If you are patient and loving, she will get her sex drive back. Believe me, mine is better than ever.
Good luck to you.
2006-07-01 10:20:35 · answer #5 · answered by Mistress T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask her what problem she has dealing with the bedroom. Maybe she is tired of the same plain sex all the time. Maybe she wants to do it different. Try to spice things up. Add this and that in there. Show her there more to life then sex too.
Try to cuddle with her more. Hold hands more, be more passionate with her. Try to get her interesting in other sexual fields. Like role playing, bondage, or try one of ya'll fantasies out.
It's normal for women do do that. They could be depress, could be something else in ya'll relationship that is affecting her.
Don't try to push sex on top of her. Give her some space, let her breath. Then again, maybe your sex crazy and it sending her over the edge. We don't know, cause we are not there with ya'll 24/7.
Ask her, if she would go to a sex therpist with you. Read some sex books. Take her on a vacation, and redo ya'll honeymoon over again.
Good Luck !!!
2006-07-01 09:59:04 · answer #6 · answered by kygl28 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For a second there, I thought my husband and figured out how to get on here and create a screen name for himself.
He feels exactly like you do. I guess it is normal depending on the woman. I work 12 hours shifts plus we have 2 kids. I do most if not all of the housework and have started having to mow the yard too. Needless to say, I'm pooped and that is the LAST thing on my mind. A good night sleep with no one waking me is what is on my mind....
Could this be your situation? If so, start doing more for her so she doesn't have as much to do. When the kids get up in the middle of the night, YOU take care of them and let her sleep. You might be one of the guys that already does this...
Anyhow, you aren't alone.
2006-07-01 10:26:31 · answer #7 · answered by PATTY H 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One complaint or another? ... You mean complaints about your sexual behavior? Or complaints about other things?
If it's the other things, and you want to please her in these matters, sit down together and draw up a work plan. If it is chores she wants you to do, make a schedule and get to work. If it is behavioral changes she wants, make a plan like you will stop and say a little prayer for god to help you every time you "forget" to put your sox in the basket or whatever ... and start putting your sox int the basket! And so on. Get to work on satisfying the complaints.
Then ask her for a date. Tell her you want to set aside these differences for an evening and just be good to each other like when you were dating. That you want to leave house and family cares behind and have ROMANCE. Get in this habit of setting aside certain times when these cares just aren't allowed to interfere with love.
If it's your sexual technique she is complaining about, then ask her to help you learn to improve. Don't defend yourself, just listen and learn. NO MAN is such a good lover that he can ignore his woman's instruction and direction.
The key here will be attitude adjustment. The focus shouldn't be on YOUR desire to get laid. It should be on HER and what is going on with HER life that is so bad it makes her not even want to have sex. If you concentrate on making your woman happy, then you can forget about your own happiness. SHE will be taking of making YOU happy.
2006-07-01 09:57:06 · answer #8 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it happens to alot of woman a while after getting married and having children.
sometimes it can be because she no longer feels sexy and that will put her off sex cos she may feel unatractive and she may think secretly you feel the same.
remind her that she is still the woman you fell in love with and tell her shes beautiful, even buy her some new sexy underwear and have a romantic night together away from the kids.
2006-07-01 10:03:51 · answer #9 · answered by sasha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm totally comforted by your question as i'm facing the exact situation as you, only i'm in the wife-role...
you know what, actually it's not difficult to remedy the situation... just a little time from the "husband" will do the trick.
time to just give her a little hug/kiss in the morning/night
instead of rushing to work/sleep...
time to make her breakfast
instead of you reading the papers...
time to give her a tinkle to let her know you're thinking of her
instead of gossiping about sports with others...
time to do some household chores/look after kids
instead of entertainment with friends or colleagues...
time to talk to her
instead of watching television...
etc, etc, etc...
there is really an endless list of things you could do to show that you care about her and not just about sex with her.
MOST women are easily satisfied... if she didn't love you, she wouldn't have married you in the first place.
So all the best to you.
I certainly hope my husband can see this and have a little more TIME with me. (did it cross your mind that the word time - means "tie me w/o the extra e......... in the middle)
2006-07-01 10:31:42 · answer #10 · answered by irenew 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's pretty common for women with kids who are going through, for whatever reasons, a lack of desire that often seems to follow the birth of their children. Start by talking to her about it directly, seriously, and calmly. See if you can come up with new ways to make sex exciting. If the problem goes deeper than that, seek marriage counseling. :)
2006-07-01 09:49:40 · answer #11 · answered by JStrat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋