First I will say that we've been 2gether for 8 years and married for one in Aug. We have 2 boys ages 4 1/2 & 6. He's much better than he used to be in so many ways but there are still some things I know must change. Last night he didn't come home from work, and he didn't call. He had the cell but it went right to vm when I called it so I guess he had it off. I called a friend of his (single of course) this morning and surprise suprise my husband called me right back, (they had been @ a bar) when I called him a name he wanted to know why? What is he retarded? I never have done anything like that to him, and if I ever did I know he would leave me. I just think its so disrespectful, he doesn't seem to care that I spent last night pacing and worrying about him, he doesn't seem to care that now because of his actions I have not slept and must now work and care for our children. My father never not came home and if he was going to be late he called 100% of the time and that was before cells.
2006-07-01 01:57:37 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't start putting up with that or it will ALWAYS be like that. Tell him that you are not going to have this kind of behavior. Mean it too!! Tell him if he ever does it again, he's out the door and not coming back! Put your foot down girl or he's going to walk all over you. Good luck.
2006-07-01 02:03:54 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In a way you're allowing this to happen by not setting any consequences into motion. Obviously, the consequence of you being worried, sick and angry isn't motivating him to make any changes.
Tell him that you expect to hear from him by 7 (or whenever) or you will start to worry and look for him. At 7:15, start calling everyone he knows, especially the people he works with, starting with his boss, and his family as well. Keep the line busy so he can't call you and put a stop to it. After this happens a few times, he will want to keep it from happening ever again. (If you don't have ph#s for his friends, family, and co-workers, get them! Be prepared!)
A more drastic measure requires some advance planning. Tell him that if he ever does this again, you are going to take the kids and he will never see you or his children again. Then, when he pulls this stunt again, you disappear. Don't go to your mother's, he will look there. Set a few hundred bucks cash aside, miss a few days of work, let the kids miss a couple days of school, and check into a Motel 6 in another town. Spend a day at the zoo or the children's museum. It's a nice touch to empty all the bank accounts before you go, too. That will scare the bejabbers out of him and give him to know how very serious you are about this.
An alternative is to leave WITHOUT the kids, letting him cope with that as well as wondering where you have gone with all the money.
2006-07-01 09:26:29 · answer #2 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do agree that calling when one is going to be late or not home at all is a necessary courtesy that spouses or partners should extend to one another. You are also correct that the lack of doing so is disrespectful. What makes you so sure he would leave you were you to stay away and not call? Sometimes the cure for "bad behavior" is a dose of their own medicine. With that said, I certainly hope you don't throw "my father never did that" in his face as he is not your father and most certainly would resent being compared. Letting him know, in a non-confrontational manner would be wise. If you have allowed him to get away with these habits you detest for this long, it's not going to change over night. Not to mention he may see no reason to change because of the fact that you have always allowed.
2006-07-01 09:04:45 · answer #3 · answered by adagia27 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Everyone is going to have some bad habits. He needs to understand, that he is married and have kids now. He can't go out and hang with friends all the time. Now from time to time, that be okay. But when it gets to the point being all the time. Then you and him needs a talking to.
If he wanted to spend times at bars, and doing what else he wants to do. Then he should had remain single. It's no fair, dragging you and the kids in all of it. Having you at home, making footprints into the floor. Worrying your self to death.
Least try to talk to him first. If that don't seem to get thru his head. Take the cars keys from him. Hide them if you have to. If he starts making a bigger fit over it. Then if your name is on the cell phone. Then take his back.
2006-07-01 09:23:19 · answer #4 · answered by kygl28 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If i was you i would give him the same respect he gave you. Go out with your gfs for the night and see how he would like it. Sometimes the man needs a reality check. If that doesn't work sit and talk to him. Let him know that this bothers you and that you wont tolerate it in the marriage. I was there once in your place. I sat and talked to my husband and told him i wasn't going to tolerate it either. He didn't do it any more but we still divorced 4 years later of other reasons. Live your life happily you only live once.
2006-07-01 09:18:28 · answer #5 · answered by sweeetkisses2 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you two need some deep heart to heart talking let's pray it's a wanting to be with the boys thing and not the cheating thing. Some times married men hang withtheir single friends b/c they sometimes miss that life but you need to emphasize to him he can't do what his single friends do and he needs to take a look at his family, first once you married the single life is gone!
2006-07-01 09:15:33 · answer #6 · answered by Danette 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the 2 of you were together 7 yrs before you married him. I'm fairly certain this didn't just start happening, so why now that you're married are you complaining. You should have dealt with this before you said "I do". You didn't stand your ground then, you really don't have any grounds to stand on now.
Woman 2 Woman
2006-07-01 09:05:28 · answer #7 · answered by sleepingbeauty123 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, first of all, married men should not be staying out ALL NIGHT, OVER NIGHT somewhere.That's just pathetic. He is NOT single....and has a family. Apparently he does not take this seriously. He sounds really inmature .....if I were you, I'd tell him to decide if he wants to be MARRIED,and a husband & Father...or .....SINGLE & pay child support.
Don't stand for that....if you keep putting up with it...it'll never end.
Good Luck.........and stand up for yourself.
2006-07-01 09:16:37 · answer #8 · answered by laurat89 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well i guess a night with the (hopefully boys) is more important then his family... You need to take a hard look at your relationship and decide if you are better off with him or with out him....
2006-07-01 09:03:14 · answer #9 · answered by MC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if u want to be with him u have accept him for who is his he isn't going to change unless he wants to leaving him might open his eyes but going out might mean more to him also u have to take the chance and mean it or it will just go back to the same old story
2006-07-01 09:36:47 · answer #10 · answered by Rox 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋