what can i say or buy my wife who wants to leave me and 3 kids?

Question

WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 14 YEARS ,HAVE 3 WONDERFULL KIDS,SHE IS HAVING A MID LIFE CRISIS IS ON ANTI DEPRESSANTS AND IS SORT OF SEEING ANOTHER GUY WHO IS SEPARATING FROM HIS WIFE AND WHO HAS 4 KIDS. I STILL LOVE MY WIFE EVEN THOUGH SHE IS PUTTING ME THROUGH HELL AT THE MOMENT I AM LIVING UPSTAIRS SHE IS DOWNSTAIRS I AM TRYING TO BE NICETO HER WE ARE NOT COMMUNICATING AT THE MOMENT AND ARE ALREADY HAVING THE KIDS ON AND OFF I KNOW I HAVE MY FAULTS AND HAVE TOLD HER THAT I AM WORKING ON THEM BUT SO FAR SHE SEEMS DETERMINED ON A FORMAL SEPARATION THEN DIVORCE I WOULD DO ANYTHING TO SLOW HER DOWN AND STOP HER BUT DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY ANYMORE ANY SUGGESTIONS OR IDEAS ON SPECIAL GIFTS TO MAKE HER STOP AND SAY WOW HE REALY DOES CARE.THANKS

Answer 1

you need to take time to think where is the problem in your life.

Answer 2

How long have you been working on your faults? As you probably are well aware, relationships are 50/50 and it means BOTH of you need to work together to resolve questions, issues, bills, who's turn is it to walk the dogs, bath the kids, etc. I had a similar problem, she said out of the blue I want a divorce! I was hurt and devastated, I tried reasoning, understanding, hell we even went to counseling until the counselor said she was at fault. I also thought I had some faults that I needed to work on, I was slow about it, and for a while I really thought this was the reason for her interest in leaving me. It wasn't, she was seeing someone else already! Well at that point it was business. I kept reminding myself of that everyday till we finally got the divorce, it worked and now she tells her friends that she made a mistake??? To late now, I have a new bride and a beautiful baby boy. If you've tried everything, and she still doesn't come around, move on. It'll be the most heartbreaking thing you'll ever do, but there better days, I promise.

Answer 3

From the multitude of problems you site, simply buying her a gift isn't going to change matters. The fact that you are in that mentality shows that you are approaching this from the wrong angle. By your own admission, both have faults. Simply telling someone that you are "working" on yours isn't the answer either. If she is already involved with someone else and on depressants, it's time for some counseling for you both, provided she's willing to go. SHE may not see anything wrong with her behavior, SHE may not see anything in the marriage worth working towards saving. The only thing I can suggest is to give it your all, exhaust all means to keep things together...and if all fail, let go. It will be of little consolation, but you will be letting go knowing you tried your best. When the mid-life crisis passes, she may possibly wake and see what she lost. Meanwhile you will be able to have a clear conscience.

Answer 4

Start trying to communicate again . Try to get some words in edge wise. If you are determine to get this marriage off the floor again. Leave her notes saying, I love you, you mean the world to me, say you need her help on something.
Show her some efforts that you working to get the marriage going . Buy her some flowers, try to take her out to dinner, go for a walk, buy her a gift and leave it where she can found it.
A watch, ring, bracelet, perfume, or etc.
Serenade her from time to time. Try to talk sweet to her, do some back rubs, talk about the memories with her. The good ones, try to make her to laugh and enjoy herself.
Try to get her to take part, in a family day with you and the kids. Both of you take them to the park, city pool, skating ring, the county fair, and etc.
Not only you want the love back in the relationship. But also you want her to feel, that you are there when she needs someone. Become her friend as well. Help her thru her problems with depress.

Answer 5

Well sometimes you need hard love. I would simply tell her, grow up this is about a family not yourself. Stop being selfish, if he is so wonderful get out. leave us in peace because you are tearing this family apart. And then I would add that if he was so wonderful why are you still here? DO NOT buy her special gifts, would you reward a child for being bad? No! And further more counseling would be a far greater act of love then any stupid material gift. He sounds like a real piece of work, 4 kids and he is spending his time swooning your wife? What in the heck is he doing for his family? Did you point that out? I have 3 kids and spend all my time with them. What is he or your wife thinking? Tell her to take yoga for herself if she feels unappreciated.

Answer 6

I'm with Rob on this one. She's already gone for antidepressants. You know where the problem lies. Its time to lay down the law. If she stays under your roof she will be a wife and mother. She stops the "sort of seeing another guy". If not throw her to the curb.
Its not doing either one of you or the children any good to continue this way. She is playing both sides. She cannot continue to have it both ways. The rude awakening of having to find a place to live and secure a job might bring her back to reality it may not. But at least she will not be in your house continuing to flaunt her lack of respect for your marriage. If she wants that separation give it to her today. She's already mentally out of the house.

Answer 7

As painful as it seems you need to let go. If she really wants you then she would stop. Also whatever your faults are you need to be sure that they aren't the reason why she is seeing another man.
Remember this, If you really love someone then you want to see them happy not hurting. This goes both ways, and it seems that you both are hurtting each other.Not only that your hu8rting the children.
Somewhere on long the line your wife realized that you were not the one that she really wanted to be with (yeah three children later) I believe you both new that, however, you were afraid to say anything about it. Now your trying to convince yourself that you love her, and that is really not the truth. you just do not want to be alone.
But remember this as well, regardless of who you go to bed with, you still wake up with yourself. Besides, just like her you can also find someone that really wants to be with and the children, However, here is a word of caution, once you let go of her do not take her back, no matter what.

Answer 8

I'm sorry but it seems like your wife has some issues. Its sad to say but I don't think any gift will work. Your wife is set in her ways especially because she has this man who is in her ear who is leaving his spouse. What you should do is let her go. Say go. She will see that how she gets him is how she'lll keep him. Sooner or later she will be running back but if not don't worry because you can find someone else. Live for your kids now. Not her. She is a wretched whore. Let her see that that man who is having an affair with his wife will do the same thing to her. Make your focus your kids only.

Answer 9

You sound like a great guy. I think buying a gift would be a bad idea. Suggest some counseling together or maybe a vacation to sort things out. If this doesn't work, you will need to move on. It sounds like she has her mind made up already. Good Luck.

Answer 10

This is a very difficult time for you and your children. You are worth her total loe and attention, so if she is not giving this, then intervention is needed, not gifts or sentimental words. Your main focus now is your children. Show them your love and attention. Make sure that they have someone to talk to. Look for a professional to help you through this difficult time. Sometimes the anti depressants change that person's personality. Her Dr. may be someone for you to talk to also. She may be feeling trapped, so you pushing her or trapping her will make her "buck" all the more. I wish you happiness in the future- hang in there.

Answer 11

I don't think there is anything that you can "buy" her that is going to "wow" her that much. I'm sorry but you are just going to have to let go of all of this. It is not in your control, it is in her control. If someone doesn't want to be with you, then there is nothing that you can do to change it. You are just going to have to let time run its course and see what happens. I know that is not what you wanted to hear but I would not lie to you. She is very determined to leave you for whatever reasons. Just try to get on with your life. Its going to hurt, I really feel for you but its out of your hands. Try to talk to someone, that may help for the time being. Take care.