Does my Mom have the right?

Question

I'll be 28 in December and I live on my own. My Mom is driving me nuts by telling me how to dress more girly (says horrible things like I'm the lowest of the low to the point of the gutters on the street just because I wear baggy jeans and XL T-shirts), how I need to lose weight (I'm only 5'6" at 155lbs - average weight and I'm not fat in my opinion), how I need to go to church, ....etc How I need to do all these things. I feel like she's treating me like a child. She don't want to listen to my point of view with anything. It's her way or no way. Whenever I do tell her my point of view, she says, "I've been to Hell and back and I don't need a young girl telling me how it is." She's also takes me telling her my point of view as "talking back." I don't understand. I feel like she's treating me like a child. What do you think? I wish she's just leave me alone and stop picking on me!!! HELP!!

Answer 1

Does she have the right to keep dictating to you how to live your life, when you're 27, living on your own and (I assume) supporting yourself? No.

Is she going to keep doing it? Yes.

All mother's think they are doing the best for their children by living their lives for them. Giving the benefit of their years of experience and not letting them make the same mistakes, etc., etc.

A friend also told me the other day about a book she read that talks about how mother's criticize and that they genuinely don't realize they are criticizing you. They love you so much, they want you to achieve every potential and they are trying to point out to you things they think you may not have noticed and ways you can improve on them. But of course, when you're on the receiving end, all you hear is them pointing out all your flaws, and only too often, they're pointing out the things that you already know and don't like about yourself.

You can't tell her to "butt the hell out". It's not going to work. First of all, it's just going to start another arguement, and secondly even if it doesn't start an arguement, she's not going to listen.

Sit down and tell her "mom, you've done a fantastic job of raising me." Praise all of the things that your mother ever taught you about how to stand on your own two feet. Then tell her, "you gave me all these skills. I am this strong, independant woman because you made me this way. Now you need to back off, just a little bit, and let me show the world what a great job you did." You have to really make her feel like you want her to back off because she's great, not because she's annoying the crap out of you. LOL And then take small, tiny, itsy little steps. If you can get through one day without her interfering, call her up, tell her "thanks for giving me some space today mom, let me tell you all the great things I did". She's got to learn one day at a time that you really don't need her to interfere in everything.

And if she's really so disfunctional that she can't be taught, move to the other side of the planet and severe all ties (worked for me!)

Answer 2

I have no straight answer. A lot of things we just have to live with and we can only try our best to change what we can.

Moms will always be moms. Be glad to have one. (Both my parents have passed away.) You will most likely be a mom too in the future.

I am not siding with your mom; what I am saying is that your mom is the way she is because of her past and how she was brought up. And a lot of those things and circumstances we do not fully know. We all are results of our past. And it moves like a vicious circle (like some generational sin or something).

I know your mom loves you and means well. She just doesn't know how to say or express it. I think you have the same concern or predicament. For some reason, there is no real communication between the two of you. And I mean real heart-to-heart talk.

Just tell her that you love her. And then pour out your heart, tell it like it is but be real polite - all your cares, that she's driving you crazy, that you are of age, and what does she really want, and how is she really, why is she worried, etc. Get to know her more and you will understand her better (and vice-versa). Talk to each other in the most peaceful way you know (try to remove all negativity - grudges, bitterness, or anything before you talk).

cheers and God bless.

Answer 3

No one has the right to make you feel like a child. My mother does the same thing to me though. I am 34 I'll be 35 this month and she is constantly telling me that I need to change my life. Some times she is telling me for my own good others she is just interfering with something that is none of her business.

I wish you the best of luck and know that you arent the only one out there that is treated like that.

Answer 4

First of all, stop acting like a child and start acting like an adult!!! If you live in her house - move out. She does not have the right to treat you like a child unless you allow her to. Stand up for yourself. Limit your contact with her. Cut her off when she says hurtful things to you. If she says you are "talking back" tell her "yes, I am. I am not only talking back, but taking my life back as well. Get used to it." Over time, she will learn to treat you with respect, and if she doesn't, then you don't need her anyway.

Answer 5

Well, no, she doesn't really have any right to tell you what to do since you are (sorry) almost 30. Can you change it? Probably not. If you can't get her to see your point, stop talking to her for a while. Don't call her, screen your calls, or move to another state. Sometimes distance helps calm things. Just going to college an hour away saved my relationship with my mother, but I was only 19...

Answer 6

Learn this statement...."Yeah U-uh!'
That's what I say when my mom tells me stuff I don't want to hear.
Then I do what I want to do anyway.
You may have to risk some time not talking to your mom to straighten this out.
My mom kept bugging me and I really got sick of it.
I said "Look lady get off my back! I have enough to deal with, get off my back!!!!!"
We did not talk for about a month after that and now she lovingly gives me advice and when I respond "Yeah U-uh!'
She knows I'm listening but there is a good chance that I'm gonna do what I want to anyway.

BREAK THE APRON STRING FOR HER!

Answer 7

moms are moms, but at 28 you have the power to control your own life. you need to let her know how you feel. you are not a child anymore. mom's are always going to be protective of their children no matter what age you are, but there are limits. you need to get a grip and tell her in a nice way

Answer 8

Living on your own is the best way to get your mom out of your hair. Don't call her or tell her to call you only once a month and limit the call to 10 minutes or when she starts to nag. Don' t visit her or allow her to visit you so often.

Answer 9

wow!

well, tell her she's emotionally hurting you and to either quit it/change or take the road/give her the silent treatmetn

i know she's your mom, but at the same time you're not a teenager anymore [which is when moms go crazy trying to be controlling to keep their daughters safe] and she's sounds like she's being almost abusive to a full-grown woman

as an extreme case, if she doesn't change tell her you'll move, change your # and you wont let her know about either one, and you'll come visit her whenever you feel like it.

sounds like tough love, but that's what she's giving you too... if you can call it love, that is...

Answer 10

No she doesn't have the right, but you must be letting her get away with this, you teach people how to treat you ya know. Tell her nicely she has to back off.