How many mental stages you go through with Cancer?

Question

Some people get really religous, some depressed, I am bitter. I get so upset with other people sometimes.... Am I normal? Will it get better? It has been 3 years.

Answer 1

When I was first diagnosed with cancer, I shrugged it off as though it was nothing more then a cold not understanding the full impact it would have. The cancer of the larynx was in its final stages and that did not give me too many options on being alive for very long. The doctors wanted to remove my vocal cords which I flatly refused by signing a certificate that I woulld be liable for any treatment that was given to me may not work due to my desecion to say no for the removal of the voice box. At that stage I never imagined I would be battling cancer all my life and took it very lightly. The next stage came when I was given a overdose of Radiation ( enough to kill a -person ) and chemo - a stage which made me angry with the world as the "why me?" syndrome settled in. The next three years were pure hell with me going through almost 26 surgeries and of them four which almost proved fatal. At the start of this stage, I was resigned to my fate but as I overcame each obstacle, I became more sure of myself. I began to look at life through the eyes of the cancer. Firstly I was not immortal, secondly it was teaching me to slow down in life to see the wonderful things it had to offer. It showed me to be grateful for all that I have achieved and got and be happy with the same. I began looking at cancer as something only lucky people get - had it not been for the cancer, I would have still been working 24x7, 365 days and would not have had the opportunity to see my two wonderful teenaged sons grow in fine young men, I would not have been able to give my wife all the love that I was ment so much to her, I would still be the same person hankering after more and more instead of becoming caring and understanding. I began to accept what had happened to me as a blessing in disguise. I have a stoma in my throat and a peg tube in my stomach to feed - Its been over five years now since I even had a drop of water orally as both my food and air passage have closed down. I have no complaints against the cancer as I have made peace with life and the cancer has given me a new life. I remain fit by working out at my personal gym that I got built next to my office and run about 4 km every morning - rain ,hail or storm. I spend time visiting other people who need a shoulder as they go through the trauma that I and so many have been through. I have learnt to give and have " adopted" twenty five terminally ill kids for who I take of everything and treat them as my own kids. I pay for their medicines, ensure they have a healthy diet, get the proper treatment and on time and also give financial support to their parents as all are so poor that they cannot even afford one square meal a day - let alone three/ four that all of us have. So I guess the stages that went through were:
01. Indifference 2. Anger 3. Deafeated 4. Courage to accept the illness 5. Learn from the illness
Now I am at peace with myself. I have lived a full life - a life so full that most would need many lifetimes and yet would not come close to mine.I have lived like a king, will live like one and die like one - but will never accept defeat.

Answer 2

Yes, you are normal. There are many types of emotions that cancer survivors face. Just as each person's experience with cancer and treatments are different, so is our emotional response to it.

It is similar to the stages of death and acceptance. It is sort of a roller coaster.

While meaning well, some people have a way of really ticking you off. When they say "Don't worry, you will be fine." To a survivor it may sound like "It's no big deal." When it is a big deal! There are so many unknowns when facing cancer.

Before a cancer diagnosis if your back ached you might think, "must be from lifting that box last night." After a diagnosis if you notice a slight twinge in your back your first thought is "What if it has come back."

I think that most people who truly love and care for us just don't know what to say and they are trying to make us feel better. We have to be patient with them and ourselves.

There are many good books about survival. Call 1-800-4-cancer and request "Life After Cancer Treatment" From their "Facing Forward" series. It discusses issues that we all face after treatments, and there are many. (the books in the series are free)

Good luck to you as you venture forth into this new part of your life.

Answer 3

Wow what a great question.. I can honestly say I thought I was the only one that had the bitter feelings. I myself was diagnosed with cancer March of 03 and there is not a day that goes by that I don't snap at someone or something or have mood swings. It can be the littlest thing to. I am like a yo yo I have good days and bad days and feel sorry for myself days and ect. I did ask my doctor about this and his answer to me was until you accept it you yourself cannot move on. Well I guess I have not moved on. My motto on life is "Life is a highway and I am only on for the ride whereever it takes me I shall go" You my dear are completly normal...

Answer 4

You basically go through the five stages of grief: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. This has to take it's natural progression of emotions. My husband was diagnosed 3 years ago too and he went through the full range and so did the family. The best thing to do is talk to a counselor who specializes in treating cancer patients and find a support group who understands what you are feeling. Just don't bottle your emotions up.

Answer 5

My mom just found out she has cancer and she is was confused, then in deniel and now bitter. She is mad at God. She should not be though. Her survival rate is 99%. God is helping her. That is how I see it. She could have Cancer everywhere but she doesnt. I think when you have it you must think "why me"? So I can understand her bitterness. I think it is normal. It is such a horrible disease and when it hits you you must be terribly sad and bitter. I am sorry you feel this way. I dont know if you will feel any better until you are better. For now you must deal with your pain the way you see fit.

Answer 6

Right now its going on 3years of chemo and surgery and radiation and yet I have a rare cancer called Primary Peritoneal Cancer. I am grateful for the life i have led. I have stared the demons in the face of the should of, could of and now I am at what I think maybe grace and gratitude. Still on chemo. I go back and forth about should i quit treatment or continue to be bombarded with poison that leaves me weak and in pain. I go see my therapist tomorrow to ask what he thinks about when is enough enough? I am 57 with two wonderful kids and four beautiful grandchildren from two years old to 20 years old. I care nothing about the material things as I have worked on letting go of attachment to material stuff, anger, resentment etc. I want to die the way I live but I don t want to die. Its tough but then I look at the news and I am reminded that nothing is quaranteed. I feel like i am at a stand off with myself. This cancer in incurable but possible manageable even though it has spread throughout my peritoneum and omentum. Somedays i just wish it would end but I am still attached to my family. If you asked me what was on my bucket list it is one thing, to continue to spend time with family. I am in a quandry. Live with chemo or stop treatment and rush the process. I juice, eat no meat, all veggies and fruits and protein drinks. I am tired!!!!!

Answer 7

My tumor was missed by a physician who had to be repeatedly asked to do the exam. he ran his finger over a 3 cm tumor. called it a hemorrhoid.
When i touched it 6 months later, I knew what it was. Only recourse then required chemotherapy, radiation, and a colostomy. (I was repeatedly overdosed by inattentive and incompetent oncologist and technician); then recieved too much radiation. Again was severely damaged by people who didn't care to look at what they were doing, to respond to my repeated concerns.

I wake every day devastated by damage and loss and what I've missed due to years of exhaustion.
I first experienced immobilizing depression, then FEAR (of DEATH; of more disability), loss of joy, then great sorrow.
It can lead to anger at being badly treated by those who don't care, and frustration at not being able to undo harm.

I do laugh, though, and enjoy the sunshine and big sky.
Between surgery and chemo I experienced Great Joy!
Intelligent, good friends are best. Finding you are loved,
Priceless.

Answer 8

Yes you are normal. I have a friend who has battled cancer in some form or another for better than ten years now. She has highs and lows. Talk with your doctor, he/she may refer you to counseling or a support group. Support groups do help.

Answer 9

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Answer 10

geeeeeee 3 years .. im still going through treatment ..i found out april 2005 i have breast cancer.. yes im angry 2. i thought it was the chemo.. i dident think it would last that long...