Should I call my dad?

Question

I haven't seen him since I was three and have spoken to him only a handful of times since I was 11. I don't have much to say to him, know what to ask him, and he isn't much of a conversationalist. I'm not really sure that I want a relationship with him at this point. Thoughts?

It's not that I can't call him. He isn't rude or anything. He just isn't especially talkative. I am, usually, but I don't have much to say to him in this case. Though his name is "dad", it is a title that he has by default. He has not acted fatherly and showed very little interest in my life. My wonderings are that, should something ever happen to him, will I have missed out on something? Or have I already unlocked the mystery and it just isn't that exciting.

He does have my number. As a kid, my mother also always made sure he knew where we were. He's definitely a dead-beat.

Answer 1

It's not true that our parents always love us and will be there no matter what. Only people who have supportive and loving parents think that. Although I grew up with my father, we've been estranged for several years through on fault of my own. Sometimes I get the urge to call him but I resist because I know it's not healthy for me. The way I cope with those feelings is to write him a letter and have a trusted friend "role play" the part of my father giving me the answers and responses I would like. This has helped me to put closure on many of the open-ended questions in my mind. One thing that might help is to write a letter, sleep on it and when you feel you are ready, mail it. That way, you are not acting on an impulse but extending a hand.

For me, some days are better than others, but most days are absolutely wonderful now that I'm not hoping and wishing for something that obviously I can't force to happen. I wish you all the best in whatever you decide. Take care of yourself.

Answer 2

My dad was not my birth dad. I was adopted at 3 weeks old. He was the best. We never talked much as he didn't like the phone and we didn't have much to say. I lost him last year to cancer and I don't care what kind of relationship we had, he was my dad and I miss him dearly. My only regret is moving 800 miles away from him and not being able to see him all the time in the 6 years he lived with lung cancer.
If you have to ask this question then you must want to but not want to. I say call him and tell him what you have asked here. It will not only open the doors for both of you but it will be liberating for you, giving you a sense of emotional security.
Good luck to ya. I say, give him a call....

Answer 3

The longer you wait, the harder it will become. The fact that you ask if you should call your Dad shows that you do have a desire to contact him. Maybe his lack of conversation is a form of guilt for not having a relation with you. Tell him how you feel, but choose your words wisely. Pointing fingers or placing blame will never get you where you want to be. What ever the reason, perhaps if you open the door, and keep at it, you both may experience the father / daughter relationship that you desire.

Answer 4

Well, it's obvious that you've been thinking about him, otherwise you wouldn't have posted this question.

I think you should call him and tell him that you've been thinking about him and your relationship, and maybe suggest that the two of you work on it little by little. You could start with just buying him a coffee or something.

I think it's important to keep in touch with your parents, even if you may be on bad terms.

If you're not comfortable with doing this, then just calling him would be okay. Even if he doesn't really have anything to say, I think it would still be meaningful to him that you were thinking about him, even though you haven't seen very much of him.

Answer 5

well if you thought about calling him you must want some soft of relationship. I know what you are going thru. I called family on my dad side and no one could find him, but when i told them i was looking for medical info for my son, and found out that heart problems skip a generation, then they was helpful. Give him a call, worst case is that he hangs up and then u have all the answers you need.

Answer 6

why would yo uneed him in your life now, he hasnt been there for you, he doesnt show interest in you then why should you?i say you send him a letter and put your number in the letter and address and if he chooses then that is his oppurtunity to write or visit you, if he chooses not to then you know it wasnt meant to be and he is a loser of a dad. at least you know in your heart you gave him that chance and he choose to now have a relationship with you.good luck.

Answer 7

i really know you feel. ever since my parents got divorced I've been living off and on between the two but in the last three years i haven't really talked to him and he hasn't really tried to talk to me. see if i were you maybe you should try and get tougher with your dad it may feel really wired but it might be worth it

Answer 8

Been there.... Mine lives right down the road. He is my "FATHER". but to me he is just my sperm donor. He has his way of living his life and I have my way of living my life. He has made the choice of not making the effort to be in mine, so why should I make the effort to be in his???? Yes, I love my "father". He will always be that, but he made his choice.
I have given him plenty of chances and you only get so many. He is the one that has lost out, not me.

It isn't pleasant to have him be like he is, but he is who he is. I have to respect that, just as he respects the way I am.

Answer 9

Try to have a relationship with him or you will always regret not trying. Good luck.

Answer 10

A dad is always a dad. No matter, what happens with you, he will be with you always when you need help.